“Dad?” The boy spoke with sweet tone. He stood at the kitchen’s doorway and slowly made his way further in, towards the table where his father was seated. The man looked up, smiled at the sight of him, and raised his eyebrow, both hands still holding the morning newspaper.
“Yes, Joni?” He knew that look. He knew that the boy needed or wanted something.
“I need you to sign one paper,” he explained, coming closer still, until he stood close beside him.
“What paper is it?” He asked, warily almost, looking at the paper and the pen in the boy’s hands.
“It’s just a small thing really, mere formality if you will,” the boy smiled. “About this one gig, they’ve requested me to.” He continued, setting the paper on the table, in front of his father, giving the pen to him and pointing towards where the signature should be written.
“Hold on there, I want to know what this is about…”
“Dad, honestly, it’s nothing important, they’re just being overly careful.” The man gave his son a look of doubt, he knew him all too well by now and…
“An underwear shoot!” He practically shrieked, the boy sighed.
“Yes, as I said nothing big…” he spoke with almost bored tone.
“Nothing big! You are seventeen!”
“So? Dad, do you honestly think that no one has ever seen me just in my underwear’s before? I mean one goes to the swimming halls or beach too wearing only something that’s the same as being in underwear’s and…”
“It’s not the same thing!” The man said firmly, looking at the paper more closely, “For what is this for anyway…”
“Just for some magazine… Jesus, dad, just sign the paper!”
“Look here, you don’t now what kind of pervs are reading these and…” he waved his hand. “No, I will not sign this,” he pushed the paper farther away to emphasize his words. “I will not have my seventee year old son posing himself, practically nude! For some perverts to drool on!”
“Dad, get a fucking clue! This is about me being gay isn’t it?!” The boy stomped his food on the floor.
“It’s not about that,” the man shook his head, having to lie a bit; it was partly because of it.
“First, you take away my chance to go to Paris, and now this! I wouldn’t be naked for God’s sake, I wouldn’t be posing in some porn magazine and…!”
“Enough Joni!” He gave his son a stern look. “I am your parent, you are still under-aged and yes, what ever you will say, will not make me change my mind, you will not be doing any gigs, photo shoots, or any other, wearing so little. I am forbidding it, only your best in my mind.”
“Bullshit! I’m almost an adult! I should be free to make my own decisions!”
“I’m sorry, Joni, but an adult you are not and until you are, you will obey my word, understand?”
“God, I hate you!” He screamed, took the paper and left the room, practically running upstairs and into his room.
The man sighed heavily; he missed the time when his son had still been a child, the time when he had had him under control without much an effort. This teenage period, all this angst and drama, was slowly wearing him out.
“What was it about this time?” His wife asked, stepping into the kitchen, carrying their two-year-old daughter in her arms.
“I refused to sign a paper with my consent of letting him do an underwear shoot to some…well, what ever it was…” He explained tiredly. The woman lowered the girl down to sit in front of the table. “Tell me Katja, do you think that I’m wrong in this matter?” She looked at him, softly shaking her head.
“I would have forbidden him too,” she nodded, getting juice for her youngest.
“He was so upset…” The man seemed to hesitate. “Maybe, I should go ask him if he’d like to go shopping, that always seems to cheer him up,”
“Asko, honesty, you cannot give the boy everything he wants! You’re already spoiling him rotten as it is!”
“I do not spoil him!”
“Yes, you do.” Katja said slowly, looking firmly at him. “I’m sure if he were to ask the moon from the sky, you would go out of your ways to get it for him!” She waved her hand. “So he got a little upset because he did not get what he wanted and now you want to bribe him with expensive clothing! And his closet is already full of clothes that he has never time to wear anyway! So do not tell me that you don’t spoil him, I’ve seen it, I’ve been here to look at it for 7 years!” She shouted, still looking intensely at him.
“You give him more than you do to our children.” She couldn’t help but to add in a lower tone. “And sometimes I feel that you even love him more than you love us.” She whispered. Asko stood up, looked at her with sadness in his eyes, sadness over the fact that she had sunk so low. He shook his head, if he and his wife argued it was mostly about Joni.
“You know that’s not true!” He hissed. “Joni might need more attention from me, he doesn’t have his mother. But don’t you dare say that I wouldn’t love my other children as much! I’ll go and talk with him now.”
Joni closed the door to his room with a loud bang and threw himself on his bed. His father simply didn’t understand him. He didn’t understand anything! Moments later he heard them argue and he knew it was about him, he knew that she didn’t like him, not that he cared, not that he needed her love. He thought his father shouldn’t even be with her, he had thought so from the first day that he had met her, they just didn’t get along.
He wasn’t sure how long he was lying there, until there was a soft knock on his door.
“Yes?” The door creaked open, his father stood at the doorway. Joni glanced at him, but didn’t make an effort to move.
“May I come in?” He asked; Joni merely nodded.
With a sigh, Asko walked closer to the bed and sat on the edge of it.
“Still hating me?” he grinned softly.
“No…” He muttered, “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t…” he started.
“Because I’m a father and I worry. I worry for your safety.”
“But I can take care of myself, I am not a weakling and I am almost an adult!” Joni fumed and sat up. The father looked at him for a moment, nodded his head.
“I know that you aren’t a weakling,” he started. “And I know you’re…” he hesitated, yes, his son was tall, almost 180cm, he was lean, but he had muscles too, his body may have been ready for adulthood, but… “You are still only seventeen, not an adult.” He continued and saw the flash in the boys deep brown eyes. He had so much of his mother in him, Asko thought, he had her beauty and in many ways he had her spirit and much like he hadn’t been able not to spoil her, he now couldn’t help but spoil him. In some ways Katja was right and he felt the stab of guilt in his heart. Did he love Joni more than he loved his other children? Had he loved his late wife more than he loved his current? These were questions he didn’t like to seek the answer to. And just like before he dismissed the thought as quickly as it had emerged.
Joni was sulking, he could see that.
“Why don’t we go shopping together?” He found himself suggesting, it just came out so naturally. The boy looked at him now, smiled.
“Alright, just you and me?”
“Yes,” The boy smiled wider and got up from the bed.
“Let me just shower and change quickly!”
Asko knew that eventually he would have to stop bribing his son like this, but he just didn’t know how to stop. He preferred to see his son happy and this was the way he knew to make him so.
“I can’t understand why he didn’t allow it, I think he’s being overly strict. I mean; where’s the harm? I think I am old enough to make this kind of decisions.” The brat’s voice echoed from the living room and Misha couldn’t help but to groan taking off his jacket in the hall.
“But do you even really know these people? I mean…” He heard his younger brother Dima asking.
“Yes, gods, they are not some perverts, Dima, damn, you’re beginning to sound like my dad!” Misha rolled his eyes, why was it that the brat was always at their house? Seriously, he had reached the point where even his voice irritated him. He kicked off his shoes, ready to go to his room, take a shower, change and rest a bit after a long, tedious day at school.
“Yo, Vodka, you’ll be cooking today!” His thoughts were interrupted by his older brother, without him even making farther than to the hall. Another unhappy groan made it out from his mouth, couldn’t Ivo do it for once? Or Dima?
“I need a fucking rest before I change into a freaking housewife, God dammit!” He shouted back, and quickly went up the stairs.
Misha twenty-one, an university student shared a house with his two brothers, Dima who was seventeen, and Ivo, the oldest of them, thirty-one. Their parents had died six years ago in a car crash and after that Misha had moved with Dima, leaving their motherland Russia behind, to live with their eldest brother who had found a job in Finland.
Only thing he had complaints about was the sharing of household jobs. It was almost always him who had to make the dinner and though he did enjoy cooking, too much was just too much and he didn’t like to be ordered around. That was the other problem; they were just too alike with Ivo. He himself was gay, Ivo was bisexual and there had been times, too many times, that both of them had been attracted to the same person. The problem was that neither of them liked to give in easily.
Dima was straight, and he was also shier and not quite so loud as his older brothers. And he had a terrible taste in friends, or so it seemed to Misha.
After his brief shower and changing to more comfortable clothing, Misha returned downstairs. Again he was able to hear the voice that was slowly doing damage to his poor nerves. And there they sat, in front of the living room table, working with some school project that had turned out to be Misha’s great misery; the cause to bring the brat in their house where he was forced to listen to him. But he caught him at his best, quiet, reading some notes and sucking on a pencil between his full lips. Slowly the boy’s brown eyes looked up at him, hearing the arrival, small smirk made its way to his face, but never did the kid take the pencil out from his luscious mouth.
”Dima, the dinner? What would you like?” He asked, looking at his little brother and paying as little attention to his friend that was humanly possible.
“Anything will be fine.”
”Ok, cheese soup.” He nodded and continued his way into the kitchen. He shook his head as an image of the brat, sucking on the pencil refused to escape from his mind. He felt annoyed, annoyed by the fact that the brat caught his eye, annoyed to find himself thinking that the kid was sexy, annoyed by everything that was him. The kid was vain, childish… and….well, a brat.
He started chopping the vegetables, trying to drift his thoughts into something else. At school, he had been asked out by his fellow class mate, Mikael, they had been flirting for some time now and… well, the guy was sexy, a great ass, a cute face… All in all a guy he wouldn’t mind to get to know a little better.
“Dima asked me to get something to drink for us,” a voice from behind interrupted his thoughts. Je cursed mentally, turned and gave a short glare to the dark haired brat.
“Cupboard, glasses,” he lazily pointed. “Fridge, coke,”
“You don’t talk much, do you?” The kid asked and he could hear him moving about in the room.
“Nope,” He muttered, still busy with the knife. It was true that he hadn’t talked much with the boy, when he had first seen him he had found the kid, well he did have a name too; Joni, quite attractive, but that was before he had heard him speak. The brat wore expensive clothing, apparently had been booked to some model agency list and… well, the kid was good looking and he knew it all too well and seemed that his parents had spoiled him all his life, giving him too many things that he set his mind into having. Misha didn’t care for superficial people like that.
“Oh, Joni, I thought I heard your voice.” It was Ivo, “How’s the school project coming along?”
“Oh it’s coming along,” the cheery voice answered. “Slowly,” it almost sounded like he was flirting. Somehow he always managed to sound that way.
“You remembered to make enough food for our guest as well, Misha?” Ivo asked then and Misha felt glad that he had his back turned towards them, otherwise his face might have revealed too much.
”There’ll be enough soup for everyone, double servings.” He answered calmly. ”I’ll be going out anyway, so you three will have more than enough.”
“Going out?” Ivo opened the fridge and took out a bottle of beer, Misha glanced at him. “A date?” He asked casually and Misha gave him a silent nod. “Cute butt?”
“Oh, Joni, tell Dima that the dinner is ready soon.” Ivo spoke to the brat who was about to leave the room.
As soon as the kid was out of the room, Misha couldn’t help but to sigh in relief.
“He is not that bad.” Ivo commented, obviously he knew him better than what Misha would have liked him to. “And he has a cute butt, too.”
“And the ego twice the size of our house! Ivo, that’s the most vain person I’ve ever met,” Misha muttered, throwing the vegetables into the soup. “But his butt is nice, I admit it.”
“And it’s said by Mr. I Don’t Bottom,” Ivo snorted shortly, walked closer and poked his shoulder. “You treat your own ass as if it was made of gold.”
“Because it’s MY butt, as you noticed, why shouldn’t I treat it well?”
“Sheesh, I hope you’ll get some from this … whoever … just remember to use a condom … because you’re awfully snappy lately.”
”Oh, fuck off Ivo.” Misha grumbled.
The dinner was ready fast and Ivo insisted that Misha would eat with them, because they were a family. Misha hadn’t been able but to roll his eyes and walk to his room to change into his date clothes, since he wouldn’t have the time after dinner. It would take him about 2 minutes to get to the club where he’d be meeting Mikael. The thought of his butt was definitely tempting him, but as much as he loved sex, he wasn’t going to jump into mindless and pointless sex… He didn’t really do one-night stands; he had only had one of such experiences and didn’t find it that enjoyable.
After he was changed and ready he walked back downstairs and sat in front of the table to wait. Ivo called their younger brother and the brat that was his friend.
“Going out?” It was Dima who asked. “To a date?”
“Yes, it’s just a club,” he answered, starting to eat as his hunger couldn’t wait any longer. He didn’t necessarily like to talk about this stuff with his younger, straight brother, who might have been ok with his older brothers having hots for guys, but he didn’t need to know the details.
“Did you finally manage to ask out this girl … what was her name?” He glanced sideways at him.
“Eva,” Dima smiled. “Yes, and we’re going out on Friday.”
“Hm, which reminds me, Joni…” Dima turned to look at his friend more closely, who in return, looked back at him with question, “…Eva’s friend, Kasper, has been asking about you, he’s interested.” To this the brat snorted, as if bored.
“Alright, Kasper who?”
“Well, her friend, the guy she always hangs around with, you know?”
“Ah, yes, him.” Misha noticed him rolling his eyes and simply continuing to eat.
“So?” Dima asked.
“Oh, yeah, hm, no.” The brat shook his head. “Not interested, sorry, he’s too… out there, you know?”
“Hm, that’s a shame, he’ll be disappointed.”
”Thinking highly of your-…” Misha started, but got kicked by Ivo under the table, quite hard as well. “… friends, I see,” he finished, re-directing his words at Dima while reaching with his hand to mess up his hair, which his brother quickly straightened.
“Uhh, Misha, cut it out, leave my hair alone for a while.” Misha laughed, noticing a pair of brown eyes watching him with a frown. He felt slightly better, returned to his dinner, tempted to tell the brat, the vain, gay brat, most obviously that with his attitude like that he wouldn’t go too far. Either he’d tempt someone not really suitable for him, or he’d end up alone. He should lower his standards.
Joni stared at the school papers and books in front of him with boredom. There was still so much to do and quite frankly he could think of thousand better ways to occupy his time with.
“I can’t understand why he didn’t allow it, I think he’s being overly strict. I mean; where’s the harm? I think I am old enough to make this kind of decisions.” He sighed, his friend looked at him, thoughtfully.
“But do you even really know these people? I mean…”
“Yes, gods, they are not some perverts, Dima, damn you’re beginning to sound like my dad!” He rolled his eyes, “I’m merely saying that this would have been a great opportunity to me, I could have gotten paid handsomely, but as always, my father is over protective and-” he took a pause, “you know he’s treating me like I was some bloody girl!” He said then.
“You’re father is just worried Joni, and I’m not surprised, there are lots of… wrong people out there, ready to take an advantage of…um… young people, like yourself and…”
“Dima,” Joni interrupted him once more with a sigh. “This was not like that, of course I would make sure, I know how to take care of myself, and that’s why I’m thinking that I’ll forge his signature.” He grinned. Dima was about to open his mouth to speak when…
“Yo, Vodka, you’ll be cooking today!” Ivo’s voice, followed by:
“I need a fucking rest before I change into a freaking housewife, God dammit!”
Dima shook his head, rolled his eyes. “Here we go again,” he muttered with a smile. Joni looked up, hoping he might see Dima’s second brother, but it seemed that he had fled upstairs far too quickly.
“And Joni, I don’t think that it’s a good idea to forge his signature, what if you get caught?”
“I won’ get caught,” Joni merely grinned. Dima looked at him with doubt but let the go of the issue seeing his friend’s attention back on their school project.
20 minutes later, Joni heard the approaching steps and looked up, the pencil he had been sucking on while concentrating on studying still in his mouth. He smirked at the sight of the tall, well build blond.
”Dima, the dinner? What would you like?” He asked, looking at Dima and obviously trying to avoid looking at him
“Anything will be fine.” Dima replied, returning to read his notes.
“OK, cheese soup.” Joni watched him disappearing into the kitchen, annoyed by the fact that the older guy seemed to ignore him every time. Joni wasn’t used to being ignored. Usually he got lots of attention whether he wanted it or not and he definitely wanted Misha’s attention. Deep down he knew that Dima’s gay brother must have wanted him as well and he was determined to prove it to himself. He loved challenges.
Joni had found Misha attractive from the first day he saw him. He had been fifteen at the time and he hadn’t seen more attractive man, ever. Joni just couldn’t live with the fact that Misha would continue to ignore him. Everyday he became more determined in his plan to seduce him and then when he would succeed he would turn the tables and say; thanks but no thanks. Just to pay back at him. The only thing he wasn’t sure of was how he would seduce Misha, when the man seemed to be determined, in return, to ignore him
“I’m kinda thirsty,” Joni spoke, lowering his pen down, his friend looked at him.
“Hm, we have some coke in the fridge, could you get a glass for me as well?” Dima asked.
“Sure,” smiling, he got up and made his way into the kitchen.
Once inside, he stood a moment without moving, just looking at the blond man with his back turned against him. The guy was tall, all three brothers were, but especially the two oldest. They were also well build, making Joni feel small, a feeling that he wasn’t sure if he liked.
“Dima asked me to get something to drink for us,” He finally spoke out. The Russian turned to look at him, but only briefly.
“Cupboard, glasses,” he pointed. “Fridge, coke,”
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Joni asked, once again feeling slight frustration with the fact that his mission proved to be rather difficult.
“Nope,” The blond muttered, continuing to chop the vegetables.
“Oh, Joni, I thought I heard your voice.” Joni turned and spotted the oldest brother, who was even more intimidating by his size. “How’s the school project coming along?”
“Oh it’s coming along,” He smiled, looking at the man with curiosity. “Slowly,” he added with a grin. The oldest brother seemed easier to impress than the younger, even though it was quite discreet the way the man looked at him, Joni could still see that the man was, indeed, looking at his body in an approving manner. This proved his confidence.
“You remembered to make enough food for our guest as well, Misha?” Ivo asked, still looking at him and smiling. Yes, much easier indeed.
“There’ll be enough soup for everyone, double servings.” Misha answered calmly. “I’ll be going out anyway, so you three will have more than enough.” To this Joni’s ears perked up.
“Going out?” The older opened the fridge and took out a beer. “A date?” To this the other blond nodded.
“Oh, Joni, tell Dima that the dinner is ready soon.” Waking from his thoughts Joni flashed a smile to Ivo.
So Misha was going out on a date? Who ever this guy was, he couldn’t have been better than him. Joni thought to himself. And no, he wouldn’t let a simple, stupid date ruin his plan to seduce the guy. He could do it, he wanted to do it, he was slowly becoming obsessed with it. He smiled when he thought of the day when the guy would be madly in love with him, and he would get to tell him; sorry, not interested. Oh he couldn’t wait!
After about 20 minutes, the dinner was set and they came to sit in front of the table, where the two other already were.
“Going out?” Dima asked, “To a date?” He wasn’t the only one to notice the change of clothing that Misha had had.
“Yes, it’s just a club,” Joni cursed silently that he was still very much 17, which meant that he couldn’t get to clubs, although… there were other ways too, weren’t there?
“Did you finally manage to ask out this girl … what was her name?” Misha asked Dima, again managing to avoid looking at him.
“Eva,” Dima told him, “yes, and we’re going out on Friday.”
“That’s nice.” Joni was lost in his thoughts, trying to think of some kind of plan, if he would manage to seduce Misha, then he could seduce just about anyone. He needed to do this-
“Hm, which reminds me, Joni….” Hearing his own name, Joni looked up to his friend. “…Eva’s friend, Kasper, has been asking about you, he’s interested.” He snorted with boredom, not feeling at all surprised or curious.
“Alright, Kasper who?” he decided to ask, seeming that this was what his friend was expecting and then he realised that this was actually good, it would help Dima’s brother to see how wanted he was!
“Well, her friend, the guy she always hangs around with, you know?”
“Ah, yes, him.” He rolled his eyes, remembering now who they were talking about; a guy with no challenge what so ever.
“So?” Dima asked.
“Oh, yeah, hm, no.” he shook his head. “Not interested, sorry, he’s too… out there, you know?” Yes, too gay and too…needy? Like a leech?
“Hm, that’s a shame, he’ll be disappointed.”
“Thinking highly of your-…” Misha started, and Joni looked up, seeing the man glancing at him “… friends, I see,” he finished, re-directing his words at Dima, which made Joni suspicious. He was almost certain that he had wanted to say something else entirely, something about him. He reached out to mess Dima’s hair.
“Uhh, Misha, cut it out, leave my hair alone for a while.” Dima complained to which the older one laughed. Again their eyes met for a brief second, Joni couldn’t help but to frown, he wanted to ask what it was that he had wanted to say, but then again, he wasn’t sure if he would really want to hear it.
But whatever it was, it only made him more determined; one day, he thought. One day.
Web published: December 16th, 2007.
My Secret Shore