It was difficult to concentrate, anxiety weighted on his chest. At what point could he ask Eljas about Aki? Joni wondered every time he saw the man hurrying past him; welcoming his customers, going with them to his office to chat and later advising them with their workout.
After his shift, Joni took a cup of coffee and walked upstairs to Eljas’ office. He wasn’t sure if Eljas would tell him anything, maybe his question would only upset him? Would he even give him an answer and if he did, would it calm his mind or simply add his worry?
Joni stood in front of the door and gave a hesitant knock.
”The door is open, ”Eljas said, and Joni opened the door stepping in. Eljas looked up at him and smiled.” It’s been quite busy day, huh?” He said and Joni nodded. ”I think you’d be ready to move from behind the counter into action. Would you be interested in holding spinning classes? We have shortage of instructors. We would prep you for it, of course.
” Yes, I am interested.” Joni nodded, holding the coffee cup between his hands as if holding a shelter that would ease his anxiety. ”But actually, I’m not here to talk about work.”
” Oh?” Eljas who had shifted his gaze to the computer screen looked back at him and only now noticed how nervous Joni seemed. ”Is something the matter?” He asked worriedly. ”Please, sit down.” He gestured towards the chair in front of the table. Joni sighed and sat down.
”My ex contacted me during my holiday and…” Joni started. ”I admit that I’m nervous, really nervous and my question might sound odd.”
”Okay, go on.” Eljas encouraged. Joni hadn’t seemed this anxious before or shown any signs of the trauma that his past surely must have left. Eljas had thought that the young man had gotten over it amazingly well.
” Aki Kuusisto,” Joni said and observed Eljas’ expression, seeing it change from calmness to fraught. The man couldn’t hide the signs of disgust and shock. ”I heard that he was in prison the same time as Chris. I didn’t know that at first, but then I’ve been running into him and the day that he was here…” The tension was clear, but Eljas seemed to do his best to keep himself together. ”You know him in some way, and I have a sick feeling in my stomach that Aki and Chris have met in prison and… I don’t know… Perhaps it’s just my imagination running wild… But your reaction to him… What has he done? Is there a cause for me to worry?”
Eljas was quiet, tapping his pen against the table, looking troubled. ”I don’t want to talk about it here.” He finally responded somewhat tightly, before he looked up at Joni. ”Dammit,” he cursed quietly. ”I can’t talk about it now; I still have work.”
”Okay, later then?” Joni asked carefully.
” Later.” Eljas nodded. ”If, well… Can you come over tomorrow after work? At my place?”
”Yes,” Joni nodded and already felt somewhat defeated. Chris and Aki knew each other, it was beginning to look certain.
At home Joni didn’t tell Misha other than that he’d go and visit Eljas the next evening. He tried his best to comfort himself that at least he’d soon know and would be able to prepare himself better. And the other cynical part whispered that the knowledge that Aki could really work with Chris, wouldn’t help a horse ass if he didn’t know what they planned. And everything would still be one big question mark.
The next evening at 8pm Joni stood behind Eljas’ door and rang the doorbell. The man opened, gave him a hurried smile, and gestured for him to get in. ”Do you want something to drink? Beer? Coffee, tea perhaps?” He asked while Joni undressed his jacket and shoes.
” A glass of water would be fine.” Joni said and followed Eljas to the kitchen. The man got himself a beer and poured Joni a glass of water before they sat down in front of the table. Eljas was quiet for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts.
” This is not easy for me to talk about.” He finally sighed, taking a sip. ”I’ve done my best to forget that person and I have never talked about this to anyone. If Aki has been in prison the same time as your ex and if he has known who Chris is… I do not think it’s at all unlikely that they’ve gotten to know each other, and that Aki has made the first move.” Joni felt fear spreading in his chest, even though he had known to expect this.
” I think I could take that beer after all…” Joni said, Eljas nodded and rose to get one from the fridge. He poured the beer into a glass and gave it to Joni. Then he sat back down.
” You know how our youth was.” Eljas started. ”I had a much better start in life than Jyri, close to what you had. When I was a teenager I rebelled, ran from home and that sort of thing. Jyri had gotten to know that gang first and then I joined him. I hadn’t done drugs much, just tried a couple of times, luckily, I didn’t become an addict, I was careful…” Eljas took a small pause before he continued. ”When we first met Aki, he seemed like a cool guy, he supplied the drugs, but I didn’t really see him use them… I thought that perhaps that’s why he wanted to hang out with me more, because I was more in my senses than the others. He could be… agreeable, especially when talking with him alone. But the next moment he could do or say something disturbing.” Eljas shook his head and took a sip of his glass. For a moment he was quiet before continuing.
”Like… when Jyri took you with him there, those couple of times, I saw Aki eying you and then the last time Jyri said he found Aki with you. Aki had found out that your dad has money and supposedly he had joked about it to Jyri, or I thought he was just joking when Jyri told me then. Jyri was in debt to him, you see, and Aki had said that perhaps your dad would pay those depts, if you were in danger… Luckily your dad found out about the drug use and didn’t allow you spend any more time with Jyri. Although Jyri would have never put you in that sort of danger, he didn’t trust Aki from that point on, I should have done the same…”
Now it made sense why Eljas thought that the initiative had come from Aki to get to know Chris and the threat seemed real, not just something he imagined.
”The subject that I’ve been avoiding…” Eljas continued. ”Part that is difficult for me to speak of…” It was obvious that the man struggled to speak of whatever it was that he tried to tell. Again, he took a pause, perhaps trying to find courage. ”This happened after your dad had forbade Jyri from hanging out with you. And Jyri started using more…And that one evening, I had argued with my parents, they were worried, with good reason… But I was defiant and annoyed of their meddling, because I was legally already an adult, but young and I still lived with them…
We spend time at that house… Aki talked about this new drug he had gotten, special and expensive, you would feel like yourself in the morning, like you hadn’t taken a thing…Special, and just for me, because I had more class… I don’t know, I was in an odd mood, just… It was stupid, I allowed him to talk me into trying. The others used drugs as well, like they often did, something that Aki had also provided… The others slowly passed out, it wasn’t that peculiar that some passed out during those evenings, but all of them, almost the same time… I was worried, I couldn’t wake your cousin though I tried and…” Eljas took a pause, he didn’t look at him, nervously moved his glass between his hands. ”Then when I thought that perhaps we should call for help, I started feeling strange, my legs gave up from under me and… he helped me…to move on the couch… I started to panic when I realised that I couldn’t control my body… Aki was fine… he um… My mind was hazy, but I was still aware of what was happening… He said I had been begging it… that he knew I was just…’playing’ straight.” Eljas struggled even more, his face revealed how disgusted and upset he was. Joni looked at him with sadness and sympathy staying quiet because he felt like if he now said something Eljas couldn’t finish.
”It happened in the same room where the others were, but they were of no help, none of them woke during it and while it was happening I didn’t want them to wake and see how… I couldn’t stop him… It was the most humiliating experience of my life… I haven’t been able to talk about this… You’re the first person I’ve told this…And I really don’t want anyone else to know either, okay? It’s in the past, I can’t change it.”
” I won’t tell anyone,” Joni replied quietly. He was shocked and stressed to learn this side of Aki, it certainly didn’t look good for him. Looking at Eljas, he could see that the man was obviously still troubled about the incident, no wonder! And this was big thing; him opening about it for the first time. Pushing aside his own shock, Joni spoke. ”Thank you for telling me though… I don’t think it’s not good to keep something this big to yourself… I know how private and how difficult it is to speak of it… But it helps to talk to someone, despite of it, trust me…I’m sorry it happened to you.”
Eljas met his eyes and gave him a sorrowful smile. ”We share a similar experience. It made it little easier to tell…” He took a small pause. ”Don’t worry about me Joni. I know it’s something I… perhaps should still face and process better, but for now … We’re dealing with your issue. And I’m not certain what you should do, Joni. In the end Aki is… he thinks he’s smarter than what he really is… Intimidation, power… That’s his thing. And for a time, he managed to intimidate me and he made my life hell. He tried to blackmail me to …pay him or have sex with him, like depending on a day which he wanted” Eljas rolled his eyes and snorted before continuing. ”He started dating my little sister; you can imagine my shock when he showed up with her to our parents. Aino was head over heels infatuated with him. Aki can, when he wants to, act very amiable and even my parents took a liking to him. He thought he could blackmail me with it, but I decided I wouldn’t let him. I told my older brother that Aki had been dealing drugs, I confessed that I had purchased from him and pleaded that he wouldn’t tell our parents. My brother put an end to Aino’s and Aki’s relationship. And Aki’s threats were proven empty.” Eljas sighed and was quiet for a moment. Joni felt sick, his worry had been real and it had now increased, but still he had no real evidence. Nothing to go to the police with to ask help and trust that they’d deal with it.
” If I can help you in anyway, I’ll do it gladly. If Aki starts harassing you, tell me about it. I am not afraid of him in the same way as I was before. I confess that I dream of a prober revenge, but at the same time I don’t want to get in trouble with the cops; he’s simply not worth it.” Joni gave a silent nod and Eljas could see how stressed out the younger man was. ”I’m at your side Joni… What did your ex say when he called you?” He asked after Joni had been silent for long.
” He contacted me through facebook first…” Joni sighed feeling exhausted. ”He wished me merry Christmas and send few song links, dedicating the lyrics to me… The lyrics were somewhat disturbing. When he was arrested, I once visited him, to talk and just…” Joni shrugged. ”He threatened me then… I had already hoped that those threats were forgotten, but now I feel like he won’t quit… He asked for my forgiveness after those messages… Said I wouldn’t need to worry. But he did the same thing when we were together. Suddenly losing it completely over something and the next day apologising, until again losing his temper.” Joni moved his finger nervously on the cool surface of the glass. ”The restraining order is one big joke.” He snorted and felt tears rising to his eyes. He tried his best to remain strong and not to show how scared he really was. Now all of it tried to push to the surface and he felt embarrassed, he wouldn’t have wanted to cry, not now, not in front of Eljas. ”I should go home, thank you Eljas. Don’t worry, I won’t tell our conversation to anyone.” He said with quivering voice, trying to swallow up the bad feeling he had.
Eljas felt somewhat awkward, he noticed Joni’s eyes watering, close to tears and he would have wanted to comfort him but didn’t quite know how and it left him feel helpless. ”Have you notified the police?” He said getting up with Joni.
”No, not yet… I guess I’ll go to the station tomorrow, Misha thinks it will help.” He let out a grim laughter and tried to smile and swallow up his tears. Eljas followed him to the hall.
”Of course, you should tell them.” Eljas said, although at the same time he realised he wasn’t the best to advice, considering what he had kept to himself all those years. ”They will at least keep an eye of the situation. I mean if he travels or something, one would think they let you know or something.” Eljas was simply guessing, he had no idea how they would supervise a restraining order.
”Yes…” Joni nodded. ”I guess.” He couldn’t help but to wonder if it really was saver to stay home, instead of traveling to Russia. But if Aki was involved, if they planned something, then it could be that nowhere was really save. Unless he would become a crazy hermit who would stay home behind locked doors. And perhaps nothing bad would happen? He just imagined it. He wanted to stop thinking about the whole thing, close his eyes and forget, move on with his life.
When Joni came home, it was late, Misha met him in the hall. ”You were out later than I thought. I tried to call…” Misha sighed. ”I was worried.” Joni looked at him miserably and undressed his coat.
” I’m sorry,” he said.” I talked with Eljas.”
”And?” Misha gave him a questioning look.
It felt overwhelming, fear that Joni had kept inside for a long time seemed tearing him, he couldn’t push through it. He shook his head as if trying to shake it all away. He wouldn’t have wanted to speak and show his weakness.
”I, um, need a cup of tea or something…” Joni said, just to say something. All of it circled in his mind, Chris, Aki, what Eljas had revealed. It made him feel sick.
” Joni?” Misha asked worriedly and walked by his side, touching his shoulder. ”Tell me?” He asked. Joni tried to pull himself together, brought his gaze to Misha. The blond looked at him with tenderness and worry. Perhaps he should write a will, just in case; he woke to the realisation that he really worried that it would all end up in death. The thought hit him like a knife, sharp and painful and quick, making him moan and he couldn’t stop the tears anymore. Misha pulled him close to his chest, Joni’s sudden breakdown brought tears of worry in his own eyes as well.
”What is it?” Misha asked. ”I’m here, talk to me…” He stroked Joni’s back soothingly. The younger man had buried his face against his chest and Misha felt him quivering.
”They know each other, I’m certain…” Joni managed to say. ”I’m scared…” He admitted. Misha tightened his hold, stroking Joni’s hair, kissing the top of his head and in his mind, he cursed Chris to the lowest hell. He was scared as well, but he couldn’t voice it, Joni didn’t need his fear, he needed his strength.
” Everything will work out, don’t worry. We deal with this.” He repeated a promise he had already given often. ”Tomorrow we’ll go to the police, period.” He added and Joni nodded, it was all that they could do for now.
The next day they went to the station and filed a complaint on Chris. The officers they talked with promised to contact the authorities in Canada about it. They guessed that someone would have a word with Chris at the very least, assuring that it would be taken seriously.
Joni didn’t really feel any better after their visit, though Misha tried to assure him that the cops would do their job and everything would work out. Joni prayed that it would work out, but he couldn’t help but to feel sceptical.
Joni decided to make a will after all, he was both stressed and depressed about the situation. The thought of dying weighted his mind and in some strange way, making a will helped him, at least he wouldn’t regret the matter when it would already be too late. Otherwise, it felt like he just waiting for something in terror, not fully knowing what.
He asked Kasper’s help, to make sure it was official and lawful. Kasper was naturally surprised of his request but agreed. He needed two witnesses to sign the will, Kasper could be the other and finally Joni asked Dima to be the second, asking that he wouldn’t tell Misha or Ivo.
Misha would only react with worry, thinking that he intended to die or something foolish. No, it was merely assurance for the worst possible scenario and for Misha’s benefit, they weren’t legal spouses after all. Misha was already beneficiary in his death insurance, but Joni also wanted that at least a part of his property would go to Misha, if…
Dima seemed troubled about it. ”You’re not sick or anything? Like cancer or something?” He asked when he arrived to sign the document.
” No, unless crazy ex-boyfriend is considered such?” Joni tried to joke. ”I am not sure if the treatments work yet.” But neither Kasper or Dima found his joke amusing and Joni soon became serious as well.
Eva hadn’t known about Aki’s past in prison and at first hadn’t wanted to believe it. Finally, the girl had admitted to both Kasper and Dima that the man had been quite mysterious with his past.
Later Joni and Dima went for lunch. Dima looked at his friend worriedly. ”You don’t really think that Chris could…” Dima started quietly. They sat in a restaurant that wasn’t very busy at that time of the day. Dima couldn’t bring his sentence to finish, but Joni knew what he meant and shrugged, looking serious. Chris had strangled him then at the cabin and threatened Misha with a knife. At the state of mind Chris had then been in, he might have been able to kill.
” I really wouldn’t want to talk about it,” Joni said and smiled weakly to his friend. ”Let’s just say that no one knows what can happen. I could be hit by a car tomorrow and… Everything is now settled for the unlucky scenario that I am not here to tell how I would want it to go.”
” Okay…” Dima nodded. The situation still stressed him. He couldn’t help but to worry, he now realised that Chris could really do something irrevocable. These thoughts teased him; he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He feared losing his friend but couldn’t bring it to words.
”Dima, please, forget about this. Please don’t worry.” Joni asked when seeing how pale Dima suddenly was. ”I’ve planned my old age. We’re going to be at the same nursing home, somewhere luxurious and warm…. Florida maybe?” Joni tried to reassure his best friend and lead the conversation to somewhere else, away from these dark thoughts. He found it calming to talk about life when they were old. No, he wasn’t ready to die young. In the end Dima seemed to relax and they managed to have fun and laugh.
Aki visited Finland last time at the beginning of the new year. He had travelled to Russia a couple of days before Christmas to arrange things and stayed there since. Now it was time to pack the last of his stuff and leave before it was too late for their plan.
Chris had called earlier; he had screwed up as well and contacted Joni. It had become clear that Joni already suspected that he and Chris had something to do with one another. There wasn’t time to waste. Chris had been agitated and wondered why he hadn’t kept more distance. Why had Joni found out that they were in prison at the same time? Aki believed that he had managed to calm the other, now at least Chris understood that they couldn’t waste time.
Perhaps he could confuse Joni further? Aki believed that it was time to play with those nude photos. He had managed to copy some from Chris’ computer without his knowledge. Aki didn’t plan on telling him that he intended to use them, not yet anyway.
If Chris later found out, he’d lie that they had agreed on it and question Chris’ memory; they had tried drugs, well Chris had, he himself hadn’t, although the other thought he had. Chris had however allowed him to look at the pictures; that part was true.
The first strike was to send few of the pictures to Kasper; to discourage Joni. Kasper would most likely tell Joni and that was the intention. Sure, it would confirm the fact that Chris was helped and that he was the one to help Chris, but it wouldn’t matter anymore. At least Aki assured himself that it didn’t, believing blindly that he would get away with everything.
That same day before his departure, he had his last appointment to Jami. It had only been two weeks since his last haircut and he waited curiously if Jami would try to cancel or not. He wanted to make him feel bothered, he enjoyed it.
Jami stared at Aki’s name on his calendar feeling stressed. The man had his haircut only two weeks ago by his co-worker. Understandably she hadn’t been able to refuse giving a new appointment to him when he had asked. Jami partly hoped that he would have had the nerve to cancel the appointment with some excuse, but he didn’t. He should just face it like an adult and make it clear to Aki that he had no interest in keeping contact in the future. Perhaps if he acted duller, then Aki would get the clue and go somewhere else the next time.
The treated appointment arrived, and Aki was on time. The man entered, grinned and Jami returned the grin with short, unhappy smile.
”Damn cold out.” Aki took note and Jami nodded.
”Just leave your coat there and let’s get started.” Jami said avoiding eye contact.” Do you want a wash?” He asked with indifferent voice after Aki had sat down and he had dressed the cape on him. Aki observed him through the mirror.
” This way then.” Jami said and walked to the washing area. Normally he would have never spoken so dully to a customer, and it bothered him to do so now. He was also disappointed that his co-worker Susa hadn’t returned from a personal errand, although she had given her word she would be on time before Aki.
Jami was vexed, he tried to think how to politely express that he didn’t want Aki as his customer anymore. It felt so awkward.
”Mmhm…” Aki moaned as he was washing his hair and Jami felt sick. He had just went with the usual routine and massaged the shampoo like he would have done with any other customer, but now, hearing that disgusting moan, he decided to skip the conditioner.
”Okay, ready.” He announced. ”We can return to the seat.” He said after towel drying. He walked towards his workstation. Aki stayed behind and looked at him in creepy manner and then the man grinned, in equally creepy manner. Jami checked the time and hoped that his next customer would arrive early.
”You must really regret what happened between us,” Aki said. He moved slowly towards the seat and sat down. He looked at Jami through the mirror.
”I must confess I do. It was a mistake.” Jami spoke. ”Ivo however knows, and luckily he forgave me.”
” That’s big of him.” Aki nodded. ”So, no great harm. You could relax, can’t we be friends?”
Jami again felt awkward. The following minutes would be hell if he now said that he didn’t wish to see Aki ever again
”Hmmh…” He muttered. ”The length can be the same as before?”
Aki nodded, looking at Jami intensely. He felt somewhat annoyed.” So, you’re going on that trip?” He asked. ”Get to meet that grandmother finally?”
Jami startled slightly, vaguely remembering that he had talked about it to Aki. He felt uncomfortable. ”Mmh… yes… We leave in a couple of days.”
”That’s nice. Perhaps he really is serious with you then.” Aki grinned and Jami gave him an awkward smile.
”Look, I won’t book the next appointment for now,” Aki said at the register to Jami’s surprise and relief. Perhaps he had gotten the clue after all? ”But… Maybe we see each other soon.” He added, giving a mysterious smile.” Good luck with you and your partner.” He added and dug some cash from his wallet, giving him well over the normal price. ”Take that man of yours out to dine, sort of an apology from me.” Aki winked and turned to the door. ”See you later.” And with those words and a strange grin the man walked out to the cold outdoors. Jami snorted, as if he would take Ivo to dine with Aki’s money, no, he’d rather donate the money to the new children’s hospital or something. He hoped that Aki would have sense enough to stay away and promised himself to try and do his best to forget the whole guy. But if Aki did come asking for a new appointment, his list would always be too full.
Kasper checked his email late that evening. He had received a message from Joni; JonLeht92 . Before they had only chatted through facebook messenger. ”I think of you.” It said on the headline. The email also had an attachment. Kasper opened the message. ”I think of you often and recall the time we had together. Do you ever think of me that way? Here’s some pictures for you, I hope they inspire. xxx -Joni-
Kasper read it through over and over, feeling perplexed. It was odd, just earlier that day they had met and made Joni’s will official. Kasper couldn’t help but to hope it could be true, that Joni thought of him. Still, he had to be honest with himself, it was more likely that this was some very clever virus. He was curious, remembered saving his old laptop, one that he had considered giving away. Everything important had been removed, so it was safe and not a big lost if the file was indeed a virus.
Kasper found the laptop and locked into his email, there was of course the risk that the possible virus would hijack his account, but it wasn’t his official account either. He decided to take the risk.
Kasper was surprised; the file really contained nude photos of Joni. It startled him slightly, made him blush, feeling like he was looking at something forbidden. He felt his cock react; Joni was posing on a bed in different positions. Four different photos. Kasper’s hand reached for his groin, his heartbeat was fast, he was turned on. Was Joni interested of him after all? It was difficult to think clearly.
Soon however he noticed certain details. Joni’s hairstyle was different then what it was now when he had seen him, and he looked younger in the pictures. In two of the pictures, he looked playful and like he was enjoying being photographed, one picture he seemed unfocused, absent and the fourth where Joni laid on his back across the bed, his eyes were barely open. Kasper felt suspicious, would Joni have really sent these pictures when just that morning he had made a will where he had signed most of his fortune to Misha.
Kasper locked in on facebook and checked the email Joni had given there. It was different from where the email had been sent. Although he had suspected it, it still left him feeling slightly disappointed. And it left him with the question; who had sent it? And for a moment he wondered how he would talk about this to Joni? ”Hey, I got some nude photos from you, did you mean to send them? :)” No, it sounded silly. The subject could be sensitive. Kasper pondered for a moment. ”I got an email supposedly from you, but I don’t think you really sent it. Can you call me tomorrow?”
It however took only twenty minutes or so when Joni called him.
”Hey… I um…I got your message… I haven’t sent anything to you, what was in it?” Joni sounded both tired and worried. Kasper hesitated, looking at the pictures on his screen.
” Well, um… there were some nude pictures of you…” He said in a careful tone and for a moment Joni was dead quiet.
Joni hardly got a word out. He felt pressure in his throat and his heartbeat rapidly. How did Chris get Kasper’s email? It didn’t make any sense… Aki… it had to be Aki…
”Aki…” Joni managed to say. ”Shit…” Was this their plan? But they hadn’t blackmailed him? Was this to intimidate him? To send them to Kasper so that… He would know they were serious. Maybe they wanted money? ”I haven’t sent them. Are you the only receiver or are there more?
” No, just me… It’s written like… Like you wanted to send them to me…” Kasper told him. He wanted to sound sympathetic. Joni’s voice revealed how upset he was. ”D-do you want me to delete these?” He asked, realising how stupid he sounded.
” If you could be so kind?” Joni snorted. ”I wouldn’t want them to spread more than they have… I have a feeling that you won’t be the only one to have received them.”
” They are not meant for me… I delete everything, and you never have to worry that I’d spread them.” Kasper assured. ”I would feel wrong to keep them.” He said feeling embarrassed that he had even considered anything else. Joni was quiet. ” Are you still there?” Kasper asked insecurely and Joni sighed sounding pained.
” That Eva’s ex, he had your email?” Joni asked. Kasper wondered for a moment and recalled that Eva had once sent a group email without hiding the recipients.
” I think so,” Kasper admitted. ”So, this has to do with your ex?”
” Chris has taken those pictures when I turned 18, he blackmailed me with those long ago… I guess he’s making good with his threat.”
” If it is of any comfort… These pictures are rather good… um … I mean not embarrassing or anything.” Kasper said clumsily and silently cursed how studip he sounded. Joni gave a dry laughter.
” Well… I guess that’s something… And… it’s not like it’s the first time you’ve seen me naked.” He smirked sarcastically but sounded unhappy. ”Look, I have to go. Talk to you later.”
Joni ended the call and stared at the dark television screen. Misha was already sleeping. They had gone to bed the same time, but restless thoughts had kept Joni awake and he had come to the Living room to find distraction. Then he had gotten Kasper’s message and goodbye to good night’s rest.
He had a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach. That homepage that had suddenly appeared… Could Aki and Chris be behind them? What if the pictures had been published there? He almost wanted to call Chris and ask what the hell was he up to but wasn’t sure if he’d just do more harm by calling.
He sat there for a moment, collecting courage to check if the photos had been published online. He tried to prepare himself for the worst; the pictures would indeed be published and soon they’d spread without control. He tried to comfort himself that there wasn’t really anything to be ashamed of. Nudity was natural and so forth. But he knew how some of those pictures were, he had given a blowjob to Chris and after all that shit, he had already been through, it was just much too personal and painful. And the comments that would follow… He feared them, the looks he would receive, and he would always wonder; had that person who stared seen everything of him?
But perhaps this was the worst revenge that they planned? Perhaps they just wanted money? And money, next to everything else was nothing, but what kind of sum would satisfy them? In the end, someone like Aki could imagine that he had more money than what the reality was. Joni felt anxious, he wondered what to do if he received blackmail letter concerning the pictures; would he humble himself and pay or fight and take the chance. Aki would receive something and then want more. It would never end. Stll he wanted to convince himself that it was only money that Aki was after. He’s a rapist as well A voice in his mind whispered at times, and it was the voice he didn’t want to hear. It was the thought he desperately tried to vanish form his head.
He knew he needed Misha’s support, this was too heavy to carry on his own. He would talk to Misha in the morning.
Ryan woke in the middle of the night feeling stressed. He thought about Chris, thought about the pictures he had seen. That short messenger conversation was on his mind; supplies… what if they don’t come to Russia… then I’ll make a trip to Helsinki…. He’ll soon be one very submissive boy…. Chris acted strange… He clearly had some sort of obsession of his ex, he was resentful… Did Chris plan to do something stupid? Ryan wanted to be able to forget the whole thing, but he couldn’t. He was worried and was scared not to act on that worry. If he was wrong which he sincerely hoped he was, everything would be fine, and the matter could be buried. But if it wasn’t? If something bad would happen and later, he would live with the knowledge that he hadn’t even tried to find out more and perhaps he could have been able to stop that bad from happening?
Chris had said he’d travel soon, and he might have only a couple of days to try and find out more and he had no idea where to start. Would he just feel stupid if everything would reveal perfectly innocent?
Ryan turned on the bed and closed his eyes. He wanted to fall asleep and not think of it further. What could he really do about the matter? Sleep however didn’t reach him. How could he find out the identity of Chris ex-boyfriend?