28. Love and broken hearts


Seeing Jesse still feels odd, especially seeing him with Marko. I wonder if I ever get completely used to it. I am however grateful that both of them agreed to arrive, I tried to explain the situation briefly on the phone to Jesse and most likely he is more concerned of Marko’s safety than my own, but… Well, the important thing is that they’re both here now.

I sense slight tension in the air when we stand in the hall watching as Jesse helps his drunken boyfriend to take off his coat. Misha is standing behind me, holding me close, apparently wanting to make sure that both of them realize that I belong to him now. It hasn’t helped that I’ve told him countless of times that most likely neither of them are interested of me anymore.

”We were at a club!” Marko announces with a wide smile. Jesse smiles with amusement, rolling his eyes as he places Marko’s jacket on the hanger.

”They know that Marko,” he says calmly. Jesse is sober and they arrived by car.

”I’m glad you both made it,” I smile slightly. ”There’s food and drinks in the kitchen.”

”Thank you,” Jesse nods and glances insecurely to Misha.

”Yeah… nice to have you here…” My Russian grunts and I give him amused look. At least he is trying?

”Hey, it’s nice that you’re there, but I’d like to be able to move,” I chuckle and try to move slightly. Misha sighs and reluctantly eases his hold.

”Oh, all four of us could one day go to movies together or something! Couple date you know?” Marko suggests enthusiastically, as we move towards the kitchen. Apparently he is far too cheerful to notice the tense atmosphere or to see anything weird about the situation. On the other hand, Marko might be the kind of person who doesn’t hang in the past too much. He would have every reason to hate me, I was an asshole to him the last time we talked and still, there he is, next to Jesse, smiling happily.

”Perhaps some time…” I decide to answer shrugging my shoulders while both Misha and Jesse stay quiet. Misha glances at me and I know how much he hates the idea.

”Hi!” Marko greets Misha’s friends. He lets go of Jesse’s hand and shakes each of the Russian’s. I see Jesse’s worried gaze when Misha’s friends offer Marko some drinks eying him with curiosity when he starts to explain something about his Russian grandfather, who isn’t really his grandfather but the lover of his grandmothers brother or brothers, and then he laughs and I wonder what pills has he been taken. Marko explains that the first brother died at war time and that the grandfather, Alexander, didn’t fuck them at the same time. Misha’s friends nod with understanding and urge Marko to sit down. Jesse hurries close and pulls Marko on his lap, eying Misha’s friends rather suspiciously. I think both Jesse and Misha are concerned of our pasts as cheaters. I don’t think though, that Marko would cheat on Jesse any more than I would cheat on Misha.

’Hello, my name is Joni and I’ve been a closet bottom.’ I think bemusedly to myself. It just needed a right man to show me my place.

Misha sits down and pulls me down on his lap, filling both of our glasses after that.

”Alright, let’s get to business.” He says and gives an estimating look towards Jesse and Marko. Jesse looks back trying his best to seem as serene as possible and perhaps… little bit taller? As for myself, I just can’t get over how weird the situation is, the fact that I’m sitting in front of the same table with my boyfriend, my ex and his new boyfriend who I also fucked; it’s pretty twisted if you think about it.

”So, Pete has been threatening you?” Jesse ask moving his gaze to me. Marko startles and gives a confused look to his boyfriend and then to us. I nod silently.

”What?” Marko asks.

”That asshole is blackmailing Joni,” Misha replies stroking my thigh slowly. ”Threatened and blackmailed, to get sex from him. Joni only told me this morning.” Marko looks down, the color has trained from his face and Jesse frowns worriedly

”Has Pete held any contact to you, Marko?” I finally ask and the look on his face reveals more than words would and finally he nods.

”Why haven’t you told me?!” Jesse almost shrieks and Marko gives him embarrassed look shruging his shoulders.

”It’s possible that he’s planning something for you as well,” Misha says. ”You can really expect anything at all from him.” I see how Jesse holds Marko closer and looks at me worriedly.

”What are you planning to do?” Jesse finally asks.

”Joni will go there next Friday. Pete thinks he won and that he gets a weekend with Joni, Pete claimed to him that I’ve been involved in some fishy businesses, that I’m part of mafia or something similar, which isn’t true by the way… But the threat is that if Joni won’t go there, he will rat me out to the cops and make Joni’s life a living hell. So if that asshole wants a mafia then lets give him that, I will go with my friends to pick Joni up before he has time to do anything to him.” Misha takes a deep breath and sips from his glass. ”That’s why Joni thought that it would be good to invite you. Marko, you must know all the entrances? Is there any security alarm system or guards?”

Marko nods his head slowly. ”Yes… You won’t get inside just like that,” he replies and it is the answer that I treated. ”There’s a intercom at the gate and a code… hm… Maybe if I would call Pete and… arrange a meeting with him, I don’t know… Perhaps I could make him believe that I want to return back together with him, maybe I could be there at the same time as Joni on Friday?”

”No!” Jesse responds tightly. ”I don’t want you to go there,” he says with his lips forming a thin line. Misha cocks his eyebrow.

”And Joni should just sacrifice himself?” Misha snorts with cold tone and for a moment they simply glare at each other. I glance at Marko who at the same moment looks back at me.

”I can manage Jesse, I’m a big boy already!” Marko grins and I smile at him before shaking my head and sigh.

”Marko, how does one open the gate from inside?” I ask and stand up from Misha’s lap who tries to stop me. His friends follow the situation quietly.

”Well you need to get to the intercom to the hall and press the right code… Which will be pretty impossible knowing Pete, if he gets you there and his intention is to fuck you, he won’t let you out of his sight until he’s done so.” Marko says eying me with a mild smile playing on his lips. Part of me can’t help but to think that he enjoys seeing me battling with such a dilemma.

”Chastity belt!” Pavel interrupts and again all of them bring their glasses together. Misha looks like he is pondering about it, Jesse looks uncomfortable and Marko… well he bloody starts to giggle to Pavel’s suggestion and cheers his glass with them.

”It’s a good idea, Joni, that chastity belt,” Marko winks and I snort shaking my head. ”Hey, but I think I do have one idea!” He finally adds. Kiril fills Marko’s glass with vodka and looks at him with interest. Jesse looks sour and I am not that convinced of the brilliance of Marko’s ideas.

”Go on,” Misha encourages.

”Well, we could ask help from my adopted grandfather Alexander, after all, he’s been to war and everything, he is really smart!”

At this point I lose my fate, if it’s all up to some senil old man I might as well give in and look for a number to a good therapist. Silently I retreat from the kitchen and Misha doesn’t even notice, the scariest thing is that he really is focused on listening to Marko… Okay… I’m little jealous now, what if Misha would take interest in Marko? – Horrible… And then no one would care if Pete and the whole croup of his friends would fuck me… Marko and Misha would just sit together at some place licking each other and Jesse… Well… Maybe he would run to Kim and they would both come to the conclusion that it was all my fault.

Grr, I’m being paranoid, Misha said that he loves me and he is doing this all for me. I’m just nervous and it makes me doubt everything that I know to be true.

I come outside to the back yard terrace. The night is cold and I find myself shivering as the wind blows past me. I sit down and light a cigarette. I promised myself to quit smoking, but now I feel like I need it to be able to calm down. What if Pete is not alone? My stomach churns, my whole body is protesting against the idea that I should just go there and allow him to touch me.

I hear as the terrace door opens and closes and I turn my face to the sound assuming it to be Misha. I’m however surprised to find myself looking at Jesse, he smiles at me softly and finally approaches taking a seat next to me.

”I thought you gave up on smoking?”

”Yeah, so did I.” I smile little crookedly, look at the half burned cigarette in my hand and finally decide to put it out. ”Bad habit…” I mutter looking across the yard.

”Anyone would be nervous in your shoes,” Jesse says in his usual calm manner. I stay silent glancing at him from the corner of my eye.”I’m not just worried for Marko, but for you as well. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go there.”

I look at him quietly not knowing what to say. ”I’ll be alright,” I smile finally and nod my head to assure him. Jesse raises his brow.

”You don’t have to act brave,” he says softly. ”Wouldn’t it be better just to call cops and tell them the whole thing?” This is Jesse’s and Misha’s difference; Jesse does everything with sense, works with Justice. He is kind, obedient citizen who keeps believing in justice and law.

”And what would they do? Perhaps question Pete until they would find no prove and would have to let him go. It would just fume him up more. Pete wants revenge, for Marko and I both. It’s better to play his game, but do a better job in it… I will manage with Pete, of course I will.” I try to sound as light as I can though inside I feel anything but light or calm for that matter.

”And what if it isn’t just Pete who’s there to greet you?” Jesse asks observing my expression. I chuckle and shrug my shoulders carelessly I hope, though worry is nagging my insides.

”Misha will come and pick me up, he and his friends, it will be alright.”

Again Jesse looks doubtful. ”I think it would be better to plan this while sober at least,” he sighs and shaking his head when a sudden burst of laughter carries from inside. I really wonder how this will turn out?



Finally some sort of plan starts to form, whether its brilliant or not is a whole other thing. We have to fall into illegal means, but on the other hand it’s where our opponent is also working. We need guns, just in case, to scare him and hopefully only for that. I do not wish to shoot anyone, but I can’t honestly tell how would I reach with a gun in my hands if I would see Joni hurting or in danger. We agree that we’re going to visit Marko’s adopted grandfather the following day. Apparently the man owns a few guns and Marko seems to believe that if we tell him the situation then he will borrow the guns. Apparently the guy hates rapist most in the world.

Joni has gone out and Jesse wanted to go and talk to him. Honestly I feel bothered that they’re alone together, although reason tells me that there is no reason to worry, I leave Marko to talk with my friends and approach the backyard entrance. I hear their voices from behind the door and decide to hold back and listen.

”…I was angry, but not anymore. I care for you that will never change,” I hear Jesse’s voice and for a moment I feel my hands squeeze into fists.

”I care for you as well, Jesse. I’m sorry that I was such a shitty boyfriend.” Joni replies and I’m starting to feel my blood pressure rising up as I think how they could suddenly return together. Jesse chuckles quietly, I see him squeezing Joni’s hand for a moment and they look at each other.

”We had our moments as well, I haven’t forgotten them…” I already lower my hand on the door handle ready to put a stop to this sweet talk, until they let go of each other hands and I decide to wait for a moment longer. ”Everything worked out for the best for us, didn’t it?” Jesse asks and I see Joni looking at him smiling.

”It looks that way. Misha is more than I could hope for, more than I deserve.” I can’t help but to smile at his words, although it isn’t true that he wouldn’t deserve me.

”You’re not that bad Joni, just don’t repeat the same mistakes with Misha.”

”I wouldn’t cheat on Misha, I’ve learned my lesson,” Joni assures and I sigh with relief. I wait for a moment and open the door completely.

”It’s cold here, you should both come inside,” I urge them. Joni glances up at me, smiling slightly before standing up with Jesse. I wait until the smaller guy has walked past me to return inside before I pull Joni close to me and kiss him tenderly.

”So, what is Marko’s brilliant plan?” Joni asks looking into my eyes and I detect a slight sarcasm from his voice.

”We’re visiting Alexander tomorrow, to collect a couple of guns from him.” I answer calmly and Joni sighs shaking his head.

”Misha, no guns, it can’t lead to anything good…”

”Just in case,” I promise him and lower my hand on his shoulders looking at him. ”In case he has a gun.”

”Why would Pete have a gun?” Joni shrieks.

”Marko said he would have,” I answer and identify fear from his gaze. ”I don’t want to take any risks.” He nods little stiffly and looks away, I pull him close to hug him, kiss his forehead and rock him in my arms. ”I won’t let anything bad happen to you, trust me…” I whisper feeling Joni’s tightening his hold around me. For a moment we stay like that, silent, I hear someone turning the music louder inside. Joni brings his gaze back up to me, frowning.

”Just swear to me that nothing will happen to you either, no unnecessary risks Misha,” he demands and I smile at him softly.

”We will get that perv under control, we’re all smarter than him after all,” I grin and touch the tip of his nose. ”Come now, let’s eat, drink and relax. Everything will work out.” I take Joni’s hand and lead him inside. I feel trusting that we succeed because the man can’t have expected anything that we’ve planned. We have to succeed.


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