Betad by: Charity ❤
The feeling of rage came with a delay. The first days he had felt like walking through a thick fog.
They had arranged two crisis therapists to talk with him the very next day after he got home but he remembered very little of the conversation. Or how long they had stayed. There had been two of them, right? Joni wasn’t sure. His mind was in turmoil, and everything felt somehow unreal.
His siblings were not home for those first two nights and when they had come home, Joni realized how much of what had happened affected everyone. They were not home when he first woke up to the nightmares. He had woken up sweaty after struggling with Aki in his sleep. Misha had been there, next to him, and calmed him down. At first, Joni had panicked and tried to push his partner further away. The reality was cold and the realization that what had happened wouldn’t go away.
His brothers were troubled with the whole thing and how to act around him. Sini had more effortlessly reached out, staying close, her small hands wrapped around him for a hug that lasted a long time. And while his little brothers said they were happy that he was home and safe, which was true of course, Joni saw something else behind that joy. They didn’t want to be at home if he was there. Blooming teens and complex emotions. What had happened to him was far too messy to deal with. They didn’t know how to deal with it, and they were young to have to know or try.
Joni knew he couldn’t stay, his father and Katja would have said otherwise, of course, because they had to, but…
That anxiety was growing, he didn’t know where to go. He didn’t want to return to their home with Misha, the idea of having to go to the elevator or walk up the stairs and run into neighbors was too distressing.
Joni was in his room, staring at his finger, adorned with an eternal burning mark and all the compassion he had initially felt for Chris, seemed to melt and turn into rage. It was hard to handle, it ran through his whole being. Everything had changed and everything was ruined. His life was ruined! He wanted to scream out and break things! He wanted to wail and cry out like a little child! But his siblings were at home, and they would be frightened. It was hard to breathe. So fucking hard to breathe.
“I talked with Dima and Ivo,” Joni woke up to Misha’s voice. “We could move back with them. I thought maybe it’s better. Dima again… He said that he could in turn temporarily move into our apartment. He would be able to focus even better on his studies. ”
Everyone was ready for changes for his sake. How much did Misha have to put up with? The man had been patient. And this was hard for him too, but Misha didn’t talk about it. Joni brought his hand to his face, his eyes stinging, his emotions raw and on the surface. He tried to swallow back tears. “Joni,” Misha’s voice was soft. The blond man came closer and sat down next to him. “You don’t have to be strong. Let us be for you, okay?” Carefully and thoughtfully, Misha wrapped his arms around him.
Joni startled slightly, but finally took the hug, snuggling closer to Misha’s chest, and cried. Misha stroked his hair. ”We’ll get through this.” Misha said. ”I know it.”
Joni didn’t know how. The anxiety felt overwhelming. Joni didn’t know how to go out. A horrible feeling that everyone would look at him and everyone would know. Joni already knew what the press was saying. Although his identity had been concealed, some had already guessed it. Rumors spread like cancer. His brothers didn’t want to go to school. They were ashamed, ashamed of the whole thing and him, though they would never admit it out loud.
“I can’t stand this… I can’t…” That burn mark on his finger, it couldn’t be hidden.
Misha held him, his hand in his hair soothing. ”We’ll get through this together, it will get easier.” Misha said. ”You are not alone.”
”Everything has changed.” Joni said in a broken voice. ”Fucking everything!” He stood up. It was so hard to breathe. It would be better to die. Chris, fucking Chris! Chris had chosen the easy way out! His gaze wandered to the shelf that had pictures. Pictures of him and his mother. A family photo with his father, Katja and his siblings. A picture with Dima in high school when everything had been in front of him, when all the doors were still open. But now… those doors seemed to close one at a time, leaving only a long, dark corridor to struggle forward in, who knew for how long until another door would open! His life should have been so very different! Now he was here, in this horrible nightmare that affected everyone! From which he wanted to wake but couldn’t. He wanted back what had been before. He wanted his life back!
Misha looked at Joni helplessly. He didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t know how to make that pain go away. When Joni took his childhood picture and threw it on the floor screaming, Misha got up. Joni sank to his knees on the floor. ”I can’t!” Misha knelt beside him and wrapped his arms around him.
”I’m here. You’re not alone.” He whispered. “I’ll hold you when you don’t have the strength. Always. Believe it or not, things will work out. We will find happiness again.”
Would they? Joni asked in his mind but accepted the hug. Bitterness. Thoughts on what could be and what was now. Misha held him but at the same time Joni felt like he was dragging his lover into that gloomy swamp where he found himself having sunk deeper and deeper than before. A swamp where dreams were lost, where there was only endless struggle ahead. And Misha could get so much more, his nightmares didn’t have to be Misha’s nightmares.
Joni knew Misha would stay by his side. But when would love turn into a duty? Misha would stay, constantly dreading how everything had changed. Before long, it would get too hard. That would be inevitable. Love would dim. The reason why would be lost. Joni didn’t know if he could put himself together anymore.
** ^^ ** ^^ **
They moved back in with Ivo and Jami. And it all happened so effortlessly, with little trouble on his part. Joni just had to move, everything else was done for him. The bed had been moved from their new home. The room was cozy. Joni knew others had seen the trouble and although they said it was no big thing, he didn’t fully believe it.
Ivo had prepared dinner when he arrived. Dima was also there. They tried so hard, but Joni sensed that uncertainty. They didn’t know what to say to him, or how to behave and it made him feel uncomfortable as well.
Physically, he had recovered quickly, but those mental scars would take time. And because no one really knew how to act, they tried to act as normally as they could with little success. That dinner was an embarrassing experience in every way, they treated him with such care, as if afraid of possible cracks that would break him. But he was already broken.
Joni ate because he didn’t want to worry them any more than they already were. But as soon as he had filled his stomach, he pleaded tired and wanted to retreat to the bedroom. He saw the anxious gazes they gave him. ”Do you need help?” Jami asked and apparently immediately realized how silly the question was as he blushed.
”I haven’t lost my ability to move, thank you.” Joni snorted.
That rage had subsided again and was replaced by something he could not name. Emptiness? Torpidity? Numbness? A mix of them? He didn’t know how to proceed. How was he expected to behave? They were so vigilant with him, and it was unbearable.
Dima later followed him and knocked on the door. ”Can I come in?” His friend asked. Joni lay on his side on the bed and for a moment it felt like it took a destructive amount of energy to answer.
”Okay.” He finally said and the door opened.
Dima stepped in. The fear and anxiety he had felt when he had heard of the abduction had been insufferable. Now he was both relieved and worried at the same time. Joni was like a shadow of himself, and Dima couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever recover to his former self.
”I don’t really know what to say to you.” Dima apologized honestly. ”Other than that, I’m relieved and happy that you’re here, safe.” Dima sat down in a chair next to the bed. Joni looked at him and slowly got up to sit. He nodded and tried to smile, it felt hard.
”It’s weird to be here.” Joni admitted. ”I wouldn’t know what to say to me either.” He laughed miserably. “So that’s okay. It’s okay.”
”How are you?” Dima asked and leaned forward a little, his hands resting on his knees.
Joni laughed grimly again, he looked up and then towards the window. ”I’m alive.” He answered. “I don’t know anything else. I’m alive, I survived and I will survive, one day at a time… ”
Dima nodded, trying to think of what to say.
“Tell me something good? Something… anything, something normal. Can we try to talk about something normal?” Joni asked.
”Something good?” Dima pondered. He felt relieved at his friend’s suggestion of a normal conversation. He hoped it could be normal. “Linda has visited me. We’ve gotten close again.” Dima said and Joni looked at him surprised.
”Really? So, Eva is finally history?” Joni smiled, even looking hopeful. That smile felt good to see, at the same time it amused Dima, amused in a good way, for he saw a glimpse of the Joni he knew and cared for.
”Well… Yeah… Or I guess we’re friends with Eva… Or at least in theory we’re friends.”
”In theory?” Joni raised his brow.
“Yeah, you know, that’s what is said when another might want more but…”
”But you dropped her back to the ground.” Joni stated and looked at him thoughtfully. The last time he had spoken with Dima, it had seemed likely that he’d return together with Eva.
“I would have tried to like her, for your sake. However, I admit that I am relieved. I already like Linda.”
Dima laughed softly and nodded. ”And she already likes you.”
”Did something happen with Eva then?” Joni asked skeptically. Dima felt a little embarrassed. He had been with Eva when Aki’s involvement in Joni’s abduction had become known. Naturally, she had been shocked to have been dating the guy, but it felt like the girl had completely forgotten that at the same time Dima was shockingly worried about Joni. All of Dima’s attention should have been in comforting her. Eva had made a greater victim of herself than seemed appropriate in that situation. And although Dima had comforted her, the best he could at that moment, his own romantic feelings had dissipated. Eva was not the one for him.
Later that evening, after leaving Eva, Linda had called and came to meet him. Linda had been worried about him and worried about Joni. Linda had brought comfort, they had brought comfort to each other. ”Life is so unpredictable.” Linda had stated. They had been close and kissed. He still wasn’t sure which direction their relationship would go, only time would tell.
“Nothing actually happened,” Dima replied. “I don’t know… I guess, Linda and I…we just realized that… Those feelings hadn’t disappeared…” He paused and looked at Joni. “And this, what happened to you…” He began uncertainly. “It shook us, opened our eyes I guess,” Dima shrugged. Joni was silent at first and nodded.
”I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.” Joni finally said, “You were good to each other… Keep me posted.”
”Okay.” Dima promised. That brief conversation had given Dima hope that Joni would soon be able to recover. But his wish was sadly premature.
** ^^ ** ^^ ** ^^ **
Adam carried a wooden urn in his hands. It was a strange moment, all that was left of his childhood friend was in that box. The urn felt strangely light and heavy at the same time. His throat tightened and his eyes burned. He was angry with Chris, angry that it had all ended this way. At the same time, he was angry with himself, imagining that he might have been able to do something to prevent everything.
Suvi did not come to the blessing. Their marriage was in crisis. In a crisis because of Chris. Suvi had a hard time understanding his grief. Yes, she had tried, but Suvi saw the trauma of his cousin, one that Chris had caused, and it was hard for her to see the man behind the evil that Chris had done. Adam understood, but at the same time he would have needed the support of his wife, that she would have understood why he had to get a blessing and a decent funeral for Chris.
Chris hadn’t been a member of the church, but Adam had arranged a blessing before the ashes would be scattered in the memorial grove.
“As a kid, I wished I could have belonged to your family. I sometimes secretly hoped that your parents would have adopted me.” Chris had revealed the last time they had seen each other, when Adam had spent the night in his apartment. It had moved Adam.
”I thought of you as my brother.” Adam had replied and he remembered Chris smiling sadly without facing his gaze, Chris had nodded.
”You thought.” He had stated.
“I didn’t mean…” Adam had started but Chris then interrupted. ”Let it be Adam, that’s okay.”
“But…” Adam had tried. Chris had risen. ”I’ll get another beer; do you want one?” The matter was no longer discussed.
Now it was aching Adam’s heart. The evil that Chris had done did not erase the good he remembered. And now all that remorse, he felt he had betrayed his friend. He felt he had let Joni down as well. Had he intervened more, been more present perhaps this latest tragedy could have been avoided?
He had invited Chris’ parents and brother to the funeral, but they had chosen not to come. Not even the few friends Chris had. His own parents came. Adam was grateful for that. They stood beside him and as he felt the movement flow through him as he listened to the priest’s words, his mother pulled him close, and his father touched his shoulder comfortingly.
The ashes were spread. It was over. Adam wanted to be alone for a moment. He looked at the nearby forest and wondered where his friend’s soul would now go? He wanted to believe in heaven, he wanted to believe that Chris’ soul would be forgiven.
The day before, he had talked to Joni.
”I’ll survive.” Joni had answered when he had asked about his well-being. ”How are you?” Joni had asked then, and it felt strange, for at the same time his wife seemed to be indifferent about his feelings about it. The fact that Joni asked how he was doing after what he had been though, moved him.
“All right… I…” He was hesitant. “The burial is tomorrow … his ashes I mean, so…” Adam felt silly, he didn’t know why he had said that. Joni was quiet at the other end. ”Sorry… You don’t have to hear about it.”
”I often hate him.” Joni finally said quietly, suffocated. “And then… then I’m sorry… sad…” The younger man swallowed, and Adam felt tears in his eyes. “I hate him, I grieve for him and I’m angry that he died. Then I’m grateful that he died and again I am sorry that he died… fuck… “Adam heard Joni crying and burst into tears himself without being able to say anything. ”I don’t know if I can forgive but I want to try.” Joni finally added. “You have the right to mourn him, Adam and it’s okay to talk about it… And… maybe… maybe you’re the only one I can talk to about my own grief… it’s so damn complicated… I don’t think anyone else understands that.” Joni laughed miserably. ”It’s hard for me to understand either.”
“You can call me anytime, Joni… I don’t know what to say… It feels difficult… Like you said, this grief is so damn contradictory. I’m mad at Chris too, I never would have thought he would do that and… I’m so sorry I didn’t notice before when it started…”
”You couldn’t have done anything.” Joni interrupted. “It couldn’t be noticed because we were both silent about it. So don’t beat yourself up for it.” It was easier to say so to others, yet at the same time he blamed himself for things he hadn’t really been able to control. At that moment, however, the matter somehow began to dawn on him. He couldn’t continue blaming himself for Yegor’s death, he had not mastered it.
Although the call opened Joni’s eyes, he still had a long way to go in terms of recovery.
He was bitter. It was difficult to see a good future. He felt like he had betrayed his loved ones and himself. Grief and hurt that seemed to paralyze him in front of life. The others lived and he did not know how to proceed. Depression followed. He felt like a burden. He mourned Chris and the man he could have been, he mourned his own fate. He regretted his choices that had led to this.
** ^^ ** ^^ **
Winter had given way to spring. Joni looked out the window, there was a tall rowan. A squirrel was moving on its branches, retrieving seeds from a bird feeder. The spring was already getting so far that it would soon be appropriate to move the feeder to the storage.
”How have you been?” The woman asked, waking up Joni from his thoughts. Joni turned his gaze to the therapist. Pauliina, the same woman he had visited before, when Chris had been imprisoned. This was perhaps the tenth time in this new round? It was hard to keep up. Joni shrugged.
”Better.” He replied though not entirely convinced if he was telling the truth. Better, however, was what he was striving for. They still lived with Ivo and Jami. Normal life revolved around him, but it was difficult for him to participate. Others went to work, and he was home. Joni hardly got out, other than quick visits to the yard and to these therapy appointments. He had tried, but whenever someone looked at him, he imagined they knew, and it caused a horrible feeling of panic. At the same time, being at home, staying put like this distressed him. Life continued moving forward, but he was still watching the days fly by.
Dima and Linda had gotten back together. Suvi’s and Adam’s marriage on the other hand, was in crisis and apparently, they had at least discussed the possibility of a divorce. Both events were partly influenced by what happened to him, but to the latter it seemed to be the main reason.
“I’ve thought that…” Joni started and shifted his gaze to his hands, to that ugly scar on his finger. His ring had been found and had been restored, but he had not put it back on. It didn’t feel good against the scar. Misha had suggested that he put the ring on his right hand’s finger, in Russia it was reportedly the custom. Joni hadn’t really answered, he had put the ring in the box and said he would think about it.
”That?” Pauliina asked and Joni realized he hadn’t finished his sentence.
“I would go to those entrance exams in London. I learned that I would get an apartment there.” He had already been informed the previous week but hadn’t told Misha about it. He had forgotten that he had started sending inquiries to find a place in London just before the… incident.
“Do you feel ready for that? I understood that crowds make you feel uneasy? ”
”Here they do. I imagine that everyone knows, although it probably isn’t true. Here in Finland, however, I imagine that. In London, I could start over, no one would know me or recognize me. I could be just another face in the crowd.”
The woman looked at him inquisitively. ”What about Misha, what does he think?”
”I have not spoken to him, yet. I thought… Hmh, I thought I would go alone.”
The woman seemed surprised. “London is such a big city and…”
“Of course, I know that!” Joni snorted and rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t mean you wouldn’t know, but the fact that you would go there alone now…. Changing the country and city doesn’t wipe out what happened. I think you should first address the issue here where you have a good support network. And most of all, you should talk to your partner as openly as possible.”
“Our relationship has changed. We’ve been more like roommates than… ” Joni paused for a moment. They didn’t have sex. Misha had not tried to take the initiative, contented himself with hugs, and did not try to take situations any further. Yet Joni thought that such a relationship couldn’t be what Misha wanted. ”I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship like we used to have.”
“All relationships go through changes. What happened is still very fresh and it is only natural that it has brought these changes. You’ve been in a similar situation before and it helped when you came here together to talk. That could be a good idea now too. I recommend that you don’t make decisions on behalf of your partner, unless you have spoken to him first.”
Joni was quiet. He knew he should talk to Misha and bring his thoughts forward. He also knew what Misha would say, knew that Misha would swear his undying love and that they would get through this. There would be happier days. But when?
** ^^ ** ^^ **
Misha couldn’t lie, the whole situation was difficult. Joni was still like a shadow of his former self, closed to his own world, from which it was difficult to lure him out. His means began to run out. Those thoughts of breaking up were natural and inevitable. At the same time, the shame that followed those moments when his mind tried to urge him to give up. He couldn’t force Joni to rediscover the joy of life if he himself was not ready to fight for recovery. At the same time, he knew that right now Joni needed that perseverance to get back on his feet.
It was weird to miss someone who was right there next to you. But it was only a shell of Joni and the one he missed seemed to be stuck somewhere deep under its cover.
Life went on despite everything. In the mornings he woke up, got dressed and ate breakfast, Joni was rarely awake before he left for work. And when he came home from work, he usually found Joni in their room, where he either read, stared at his laptop with blank expression, trained, or stared out the window, listening to gloomy Viking-style music.
Almost every weekday when Joni had no therapy, he came and asked the same question; would you like to go out for a walk? And every time he got the same answer, no. On the weekends, he tried to suggest that they go somewhere, to train, to meet friends, anything Joni would want. But the answer was that he wanted to stay at home. At most, they went to see Joni’s family if there weren’t any outsiders. To stay sane, of course, Misha met his own friends and went to the gym to dispel the frustration and powerlessness the situation caused.
Misha could not help but think of the life they could have lived. They could have been preparing to move now. New life in London. Instead, they were stuck in this odd waiting room of life. He also often thought of an option where he would have agreed to Joni’s request in New York, a request where they would have travelled through the United States. But would that have eliminated the problem either? Would it have just postponed what happened?
Joni had barely spoken about what had happened at the cottage. Maybe he opened up with the details to his therapist. However, Chris had shot Aki, that much Joni had said. Aki had attacked Joni, and apparently, he had at least tried to rape him; that much Misha had been able to interpret from Joni’s nightmares. Chris had used sexual violence, Joni didn’t even have to say it, it was obvious. Chris had after all admitted it to him.
The trauma was still very fresh, he had to remind himself and it was affecting him as well. That absurd fear that Joni would be found dead… He also had to occasionally remind himself of that worse scenario, especially in moments when he was frustrated by the distance, the passive behavior, the fact that Joni didn’t even seem to try to grasp the ropes he stubbornly tried to throw at him to pull him back to the surface.
It hurt him. It was painful to witness that change. It pained all of them. And Joni was too curled up in the cold embrace of his own painful experience to be able to see how it affected the rest of them. And sometimes Misha wanted to shout and shake Joni, just to wake him up from that paralyzed state of mind. Fortunately, his reason always came forward in time to prevent it, and in those worst moments of frustration, he left the place to calm down alone.
Joni wasn’t dead. He was there under that protective wall and Misha had decided not to give up until he had had that wall dismantled piece by piece. Not even if Joni tried to build that wall stronger at the same time. Joni had already said it. ”You’d be happier with someone else.”
And it had annoyed Misha. ”I don’t want anyone else!”
But the idea was planted in Joni’s mind and made him retreat farther. Misha had noticed that he was reading those books that were recommended before participating in the entrance exams. Misha had tried cautiously to ask about his plans, but Joni avoided giving him an answer.
”I got an apartment in London.” Joni told him one spring evening after coming home from therapy.
”What?” Misha asked in confusion.
“I thought I’d take it. ”
Misha felt stunned. ”Excuse me?” He asked again, staring at Joni with disbelief. They were in the kitchen. Ivo and Jami had gone out for dinner, and they were alone.
Joni was silent and poured water into the kettle. “I still have time to participate in the entrance exams, at the end of May.”
Misha still stared at his partner in disbelief. “You’re not…” He began. London? After Joni had been a ghostly shadow, who stayed away from people, hardly talking to anyone.
And Joni turned, looking him in the eye for the first time in a long time.
”I feel uncomfortable here.” He said and Misha let out a disbelieving laughter.
”And you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable there?” He didn’t want to sound mean but feared that he couldn’t keep that tone from his voice. Joni shrugged.
“No one knows me there, I can…. Re-develop… Start over, from a clean slate.” The younger explained and had already shifted his gaze away from him.
Misha felt his mouth dry, annoyed as Joni talked about it as if it were that simple. But the idea was absurd and horrible.
”And next you’ll probably say you were thinking about leaving alone.”
”Yes.” Joni admitted after being silent for a moment. “Paulina thought it was a bad idea.” Joni looked at him cautiously.
‘Fucking right, it’s a bad idea!’ Misha’s mind screamed but managed to soften the answer he gave out loud. ”She’s right.”
“She said I shouldn’t make decisions without talking to you first. She suggested that… maybe we should come to the therapy together. ”
This was the longest conversation they had in a long time. Misha noticed and did his best to stay calm. Joni’s last sentence and the look in his eyes suggested that he might have been ready to finally grab the rescue rope if he could offer it the right way.
”We should.” Misha nodded and watched as Joni turned and took two mugs from the cupboard.
”Would you like a cup of tea?” Joni asked. It was the most normal thing that Joni had said to him in weeks and Misha felt a strange movement, tears rising in his eyes. It was a step, albeit on a fragile bridge.
”Thank you.” He answered.
”Misha… I don’t know if I can be your fiancé anymore or… your boyfriend… I don’t know if I can be that to anyone anymore.” Joni confessed while preparing the tea. His back was turned, and Misha felt a lump rising to his throat. For a moment he didn’t know what to say.
”You don’t have to know that right now.” Misha finally replied, it hurt, but he had to believe. “I am what you want and need. A Friend, a roommate… a lover… all of them or just one. But I can’t let you go alone, okay? If you leave, I’ll come along. If you don’t want to live with me, I’ll move as close as I can. I won’t force you to be with me, but you can’t force me to stay either. I love you; I want to be close to you, on your terms.”
Joni was silent until he finally turned. Tears had risen in Joni’s eyes. “I don’t want you to waste your life. You have enough takers, and you could get someone normal. Someone… ” Joni swallowed. ”I don’t want you to start hating me… I couldn’t stand it.”
”How on earth would I ever start hating you?” Misha asked in confusion.
”Because I’ve changed so much… because I can’t… I don’t know if I can anymore… If I ever want to anymore… It makes me uncomfortable.” Joni burst into tears and Misha carefully approached. He pulled Joni close, and the younger man didn’t object.
”This is enough.” Misha whispered. ”It’s enough that I can hold you, okay?” Joni sobbed against his chest and tried to stop from crying, but it was good for Misha that he was crying, that he was talking, it was cleaning. It broke those walls he had built. Misha cried too.
Joni withdrew from the hug, wiped his eyes and looked at him. “You shouldn’t be content with that… It’s too big a thing… I love you and that’s the reason why I think it would be better to part our ways now when we still love. We can always be friends, love each other as friends and… You will find someone, and I will be happy for you when it happens.” Joni’s voice broke and tears threatened to reappear as he tried to fight them.
”No.” Misha shook his head. ”There will be no one else.”
“You say so now but…” Joni tried something like a smile. “Sex is part of a relationship, and I don’t really know…”
“No one knows for sure what’s going to happen, Joni. This shouldn’t have happened! But don’t you see brat, I love you! I’m not going to turn into a monk, no.” Misha shook his head. “But the problem is that I don’t want anyone else. I have two hands, hell of a good imagination and if I can only hold you. That’s enough, that’s enough now, okay? And! I have that big, black… Yes, you remember.” He joked nervously, he was excited and out of his mind at the thought, which had crossed his mind as well, but now that Joni had mentioned the possibility of breaking up out loud, he knew he didn’t want it.
To his relief, Joni laughed, tears still on his face, but he laughed.
“I knew you were playing with it…” Joni whispered.
”Let’s go to therapy together.” Misha said and took his left hand between his palms, lifting it up and he kissed the skin softly. Joni pinched his fingers, he looked a little embarrassed and Misha realized he was ashamed of that scar, it was a constant reminder of what had happened. ”Everything will work out, trust me.” He whispered. Joni didn’t answer but he finally nodded.
A/N: Please review or vote ❤ You can comment bellow or use the guestbook;