Too soon, it was too soon. Their voices woke me from my uneasy rest. Weary, hardly able to open my eyes. Gasp of surprise, angry lips against my own, bruising, hurting. Kicking, struggling against this unwelcome stranger, the enemy. They were laughing, what a cruel laughter it was!
Someone freed my hands and whit false hope, hope of being able to fight back, I brought my hands against his chest, trying to push him away. The man, Vladimir, the only one I knew by name, seemed nothing but amused of my efforts. My heart, beating madly, slowly I backed away, looking around in fright.
Grown up men, looking down on me. Enemy that wanted my blood and I couldn’t understand, I was nothing but a boy, I cared not about the war, to me it made no sense, I wanted home, I wanted peace. Let the killing stop.
Ten men, I saw ten men and their laughter, their cold voices, chilled me to the bone, how easy it was for them to laugh, to an overpowered victim?
My only way out was blocked by them, they had me trapped and tears begun to form in my eyes.
”’The boy looks scared.’’’ A man, who was near his forty’s, spoke with amused tone, speaking the strange language that I couldn’t understand, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to.
”’He should be.”’ I heard a different voice from somewhere.
“Please,” It did not sound like my voice, “please,” I repeated. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands reaching for me from behind, he was pulling me closer, hands opening my jacket and shirt. Other pulling off my shoes.
“Please, no!” My begging grew louder and I tried to fight back, struggle against them and free myself. It`s funny when you can clearly understand that there is no way out, that there`s still some part of you, that does not want accept this knowledge, and you try to brake free, try to fight against, what you know is going to happen anyway.
My head hit the ground, I laid there on my back, my jacket and shoes already taken away. My shirt was ripped open, naked flesh for them to see. Touch of a hand, unpleasant, rough, a grown man’s hand.
’’’My, my, pretty boy, you like this do you? You smell so good, so clean…’’’ The man was smelling my neck, licking it. unknown words spoken with an enemy’s mouth that I’ve been taught to hate all my life.
My pants were pulled down, with my underwear, I screamed, as his heavy body came on top of mine, and I felt it; the horrible thing inside his pants, it was hard, ready…
”’The little one`s should just give in, in front of the bigger conqueror, and know when they are defeated.’’’
It was of no use, my life was out of my hands. Slowly I turned my head, drifting off and I saw… Beautiful pair of brown eyes watching back; a human. There was a strange kind of comfort in his eyes, and for that one small moment I did not fear, and I did not feel or hear anything that was happening around me. There was just him and those eyes. The man whit warm brown eyes offered me a smile, but it was not an evil smile, nor was it a happy one, or filled with sick satisfaction or lust. The smile was for comfort, and I took it.
The reality kicked in again, I laid there naked, screaming when I was turned over to my stomach, on the blankets. I felt their eyes on me, all looking, some silently, some with laughter of the sick enjoyment that they got out from this. Fingers going inside me, pain, humiliation, why me? Why?
”’Now, let me introduce you to my own gun, boy’’’ The man laughed, and others followed. And I felt it, the hard, hot flesh against my opening. No mercy was given, the man pushed in and pain unlike I had known it, moved through my body, all I could do was to release a desperate, pained cry, a fierce grip on my hair, my head was forced up.
I saw face`s looking down at my pain, some waiting for their turn to give me some more. The man on top of me was moving in and out, moaning. He pulled out and turned me to face him. Stroking his organ he released his seed all over my face.
Crying, I tried to wipe his cum off. He was zipping his pants close, laughing at me.
”’So tight, fuck…that is something that your wife’s at home will not, and can not give you, so better taste it now.’’’ He spoke to his comrades, and soon enough some other pulled me up to his lap. How I would be able to survive this? I did not know.
Alexander’s pow (Volkov)
Sitting on the ground, on my spot, looking at the scene in front of me. I feel nauseated, it’s sick and wrong. There are many things I’ve seen during this war, but this…it shouldn’t be happening.
Vladimir kisses the boy, who was almost half a sleep and has no time to understand what`s going to happen, before it`s already happening. They free his hands, and he tries to push my comrade off of him. Vladimir leans back, sneering. The boy crawls backwards, seeing now, how hopeless his situation is.
Maksim seizes the boy from the behind, he screams in surprise. The boy’s jacket and shirt are ripped open, revealing his fair skin. He is beautiful, out of this world, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a beautiful male before in my life. Anger and sadness fills me. Overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Innocent, he is innocent, so young. This is madness! I want it to stop, I want to reach out, but my body feels frozen, unable to move.
Maksim hits the boy on the ground, his jacket and shoes already taken away. Fabric of his shirt rips even more. The boy whimpers and cries in fright as Maksim starts licking and smelling his skin.
I am not certain, why I’m even looking, paralyzed perhaps, as the men who I have fought with in the field are hurting this innocent beauty. His pants are pulled down with force. Maksim lies on top of him, touching that fair skin of his.
The boy moves his head to the side, his eyes looking straight into mine and my heart… My heart stills for a moment, brief moment, but a moment still. He does not scream, just watches me. His eyes; glimmering, more greener than any eyes I’ve ever seen. There’s a silent understanding between us, I feel his pain. Lord help me I feel it! And I`m filled with desire to help, to say something to stop them, to do something to stop this. But my legs do not carry, and my voice sticks to my throat. I can’t, there’s nothing I can do. I offer him a smile, sad, comforting. Inside I curse myself and my own helplessness. The boy is suffering and all I can do is… Nothing!
The still moment, the silent understanding breaks when they undress him completely. His eyes widen and the screaming stars again.
They force him on his stomach and roughly Maksim shoves his fingers in. Scream, pain, crying. I start to feel even more ill, ready to throw up. I have to stop watching, how could I live with myself, if I stayed and just watched as someone was getting raped?
I rose and left back outside. Cool, fresh winter air, stars that fill the sky, too beautiful night for such cruelty, I light a cigarette. I still hear his screaming, I can escape the sight but I can not escape the sounds.
”’I could not watch it either.’’’ A voice says and I turn to look at him; Sergei, one of my closest comrades. I give him a weary smile of sympathy. He offers me a drink from his pocket flask, which I gladly accept. ‘’’That boy sure screams loud.’’’ He says then.
”’Can you blame him? I would scream too.’’’ I tell him, staring at the night sky.
‘’’I have a boy his age at home…makes me sick to think that…’’’ He starts, but can not finish and drinks some more.
We both fell silent. I wondered about the men inside the tent, most of them had wife`s and children at home waiting. What a strange sides can war bring out from men. They say; ‘This is war Alexander, what we do here, stay`s here.’ So what is one life of a one teen-aged boy`s worth? They would say; `In war people get killed, people get lost, that is just the way of things.` To them, his life means nothing, he`s just for fun, just a pretty little toy, a child of an enemy. They feel that they can explore their secret desires on him, they do not care what he thinks of it. What a sick world we are living in. For what do we fight for? I wonder that constantly. Most of the people in war, fighting in war, ask that question, or so I believe. Do we fight for our leaders? For bigger, mightier men, who decide for us, and leave us to fight their battles? I do not know, but I wonder.
Maksim come`s out, sees us, and smile`s.
”’Why are you here, and not in?’’’ He asks, and lights a smoke.
”’Not all of us think that it`s right to hurt that boy like that.’’’ I tell whit hollow voice. He slaps my back.
”’Oh Alexander, you take things too seriously. He`s already been used, what does it matter anymore? He`s one of them, enemy`s side. I think you could need a good fuck, relax, take him, feel better.’’’ He laughs.
‘’’He is still a person, someone`s child. He could be your son.’’’ I can not help my tongue, I can not hide my anger. He looks at me silently for a long time.
”’But he is not my son…Now he is nothing more than our whore. Take my advice, just take him, try it, you might even enjoy it’’’ He says then, laughing to it almost, he does not care, his heart… does he even have one?
”’I think I’ll pass.”’ I answer dryly.
“’It`s your choice.”’
When I return to the tent, I find the boy lying there, cold, naked, and sobbing. No one seems to care. I come to him, wipe most of the sperm and the blood away from his body. He will not look at me, his eyes stare into emptiness, hollow and dead look in them. I try to dress him, it`s cold, he will die if no one takes care of him, especially in this stage that he`s in now.
‘’’What are you doing Volkov?’’’ Lieutenant asks.
”’Taking care of our prisoner sir, thought you wanted him to stay alive sir.’’’
‘’’Yes of course, do what you must. Bind his hands in-case he tries to run.’’’
‘’’Yes sir’’’ I could almost laugh, anyone could see that the boy is in no condition to move, let alone to try an escape
I take the boy to sleep next to me, where he should be save from them, at least for the night. I try to keep him as warm as I can. I stroke his hair, everyone is sleeping now. He is still awake and crying, but stays close to my body willingly. I whisper words to comfort him, words that I know he cannot understand. If I can not save him, I can at least try to give him some comfort and kindness. I hope that the boy will be alright. I hope for the war to end.
My Secret Shore