*****the morning after*******
Misha woke feeling dryness in his mouth, the dryness that might have had something to do with his intent to become drunk, he rolled over a bit, closer to the edge if his bed, leaving the warmth and only now discovering the lack of it. Someone was sleeping with him? He sat up and looked towards the… visitor… instantly getting chills. It was the brat, his eyes widened, so it hadn’t been just a dream! He had slept with the brat, he had fucked the brat, the rush of memories came back to him and he gulped, loud. What had he done??
Joni’s head was pounding, almost as if someone was hitting him with a hammer, his mouth felt dry and he felt slightly sick and dizzy and the worst of all, his ass felt like… burning? He groaned quietly, slowly opening his eyes and for a moment he felt at lost, where was he? He moved and then it hit him that he was completely naked and there was certain stickiness down on his…. hurting butt. He opened his eyes more wider and sat up faster than he should have because immediately he felt even more ill. He brought his hands on his face, “fuck,” then he glanced at his side and…
“You?!” He stared at the other wide eyed, now realising what had taken place on the night before, but he wasn’t sure if he WANTED to believe it.
Misha groaned and looked away, perfect, that’s what he needed first thing in the morning… to face him… And what had he been thinking?? He didn’t do little kids! Even if the said kids didn’t really look like kids, but they ARE! Joni was the same age as Dima! Could he be accused of paedophilia now?? He wondered, no, the legal age here was 16, wasn’t it??? Had he been so desperate on the night before that he had forgotten that he couldn’t stand him?! Or… his thinking obviously had been done with some other end than his head… and alcohol, the darn alcohol! He looked at Joni once more, his presence heavy like a stone around his neck.
”The bathroom,” he pointed towards the door. ”Go and wash.”
Joni narrowed his eyes, the dammed prick had the nerve to…!
“Oh I see,” he started slowly, while pulling himself up from the bed, hissing as every move brought more pain down on his body and he was… it was… it was running down on his thighs now! The idiot haven’t even used a freaking condom! “Yes, I should go and wash myself from the evidence of you taking advantage of me!” He almost screamed, pulling the cover with him to cover himself, there was no way he’d let Misha EVER again have the privilege to see him naked!
Advantage?! ADVANTAGE?! Misha’s mind was screaming
”Listen, you … brat!” he hissed with anger and –ironically- guilt. ”You came here willing and you NEVER said NO!”
Joni breathed tensely, some flash backs coming back to him, the images of… he looked away, gritting his teeth’s.
“I was drunk,” he finally hissed, unwilling to take responsibility of his own actions. “I was drunk and didn’t know any better,” he repeated, looking in Misha’s eyes now, “and now I’m hurting you asshole! I hope your happy now, after taking my virginity!”
“You twerp! If you come to such a party and get roaring drunk, flirting the way you did, what do you think happens? Huh?!” Misha walked closer to him and without any word he lifted him. Wit such a hurting ass – and Misha knew he was hurting a lot – walking must have been unbearable.
“Be happy it was me,” Misha added with a mutter a he walked towards the door to the bathroom, trying his best to ignore the brat’s screaming and kicking. “I was being gentle with you, if this was anyone else, you’d be hurting a lot more,” Misha tried to reason with him.
“Asshole,” Joni kicked Misha’s leg once he was lowered down in the bathroom. “Don’t expect me to happy! Don’t expect me to EVER say thank you!”
”I would never expect that from you! You’re a spoilt brat, that’s what you are!” Misha hissed painfully as he rubbed his shin and then I took a fresh towel and throed it at him. He looked for some numbing ointment from the cabinet and when he found it he placed it on the sink. ”Here, wash yourself, god dammit, use the ointment and get the hell out of here!”
”I hate you,” Joni hissed holding the towel, Misha was treating him like some… cheap prostitute! He felt tears about to rise in his eyes. ”You’re not a saint, so don’t…” He started hating how his own voice now sounded like. ”You fuck them and tell them to get out of your face! Oh the saint Misha, you shame your own name! I have no wish to see you ever again!”
”Good! The feeling is mutual!” Misha almost roared and left his small bathroom, slamming the door and then putting on the yesterday’s boxers. Still feeling boiling angry he quickly looked for clean clothes and he grabbed a pair of cotton pants, boxers and a sweatshirt and left his room, going to the bathroom which Ivo normally used.
Misha hoped that his brother was still a sleep and didn’t know that… fuck, he did know… Misha now remembered him walking in on them… he groaned ashamedly, fuck, fuck, fuck! Ivo would torture him!
Joni stood under the warm shower, different emotions going through him, it wasn’t how it was suppose to go, how he had imagined it. Hell he hadn’t… he had never thought to let it go so far… he never thought to be the one who…well… the bottom. But it had happened, what was done was done and… the bastard hadn’t even used a condom! He touched his sore bum, then took plenty of soap to carefully wash any trace that might be left of Misha, but it stung like hell once it reached the sensitive area. And bitterly he thought about going to the doctor, to check if he now had any diseases, it was after all, widely whispered how people got those funny sickness going to Russia and…well sex trips there and now… he scrubbed himself harshly, remembering more of what had taken place the night before… he remembered what he had said and how he had moaned and the worst of all… he had begged for more!?!
He didn’t like it when things didn’t go how he had planned them, and this one… He got out from the shower, still cursing the pain he felt, the torturous reminder of what exactly had happened. And the ointment… it didn’t even help, he felt sore and it caused him to walk awkwardly and… he HATED Misha right then.
Misha got into Ivo’s bathroom that was the only one outside the bedroom. It was also the biggest one, with comfortable bathtub and shower. Misha got under the shower, quickly washing himself with lukewarm water which took away the symptoms of hangover and left him refreshed though definitely not on a better mood. What had he been thinking last night? That Joni was beautiful? Which fucking way? Oh yes, maybe THAT way! Damn stupid pretty, sexy brat! It was all his fault, he had been flirting, he had… it was what he had been begging for! And now, now he was almost crying rape! That idiot!
Misha growled as he left the shower and dried himself, then he put his clothes on and left the bathroom. He was not going towards his room, he would not go there until the brat would have left with his moodiness!
Joni went back to Misha’s room and got dressed, taking a quick look from the mirror when… Oh HELL, he quickly brought his hand on his neck; a love bite, freaking love bite and not a small one either and there was two! And then his eyes widened, there was one, very small one, barely visible but yet, there it was, on his jawline! He was screwed, literally, his father would take one look at him and if his awkward walking wouldn’t give him away then…. He really, really, REALLY hated Misha right now.
He left the room, slowly making his way down the stairs, wanting to give Misha another piece of his mind and … on second though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see him. When he got downstairs, ready to leave, the front door opened and Dima stepped in, he smiled with surprise when seeing him and Joni felt thankful that he had gotten his scarf around his neck.
“Joni, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Dima looked at him with curiosity.
“I- fell a sleep in your room, it was so late and… I’m sorry.” Joni blurted out.
The kitchen reminded Misha of a battle field. He swore he would kill Ivo for doing this to him, first inviting the brat, then not stopping him when he KN EW… he so well knew that sleeping with that brat would cause hell of trouble. Misha was more than sure that Joni would tell on him and if he didn’t end up to prison for taking his so called virginity, for “raping” him…. – and then for leaving all this mess for him to clean up! And Ivo was still sleeping! Misha rushed out of the kitchen, going straight towards Ivo’s room, no he wasn’t going to blissfully sleep!
“Ivo!” He roared as soon as he was out of the kitchen, ”I’m gonna kill you, you son of a …” he cut it because I saw Dima and … him.
Joni and Dima looked towards Misha who was screaming almost loud enough to wake the whole neighbourhood. And moment later sleepy looking Ivo crawled out of his room.
“Where’s the fire?” He yawned.
Joni looked away, this was awkward as ass. And when Ivo saw him, he grinned and it made Joni realise that the person that had stepped into the room while he and Misha were… shit, he felt his skin getting hot.
“I-I have to go… my dad…” He muttered to Dima, shaking his head to make the dizziness disappear. He had checked his phone and seen that his father had tried calling him several times, even leaving messages on his answer. ”Again, sorry Dima, for..using your room…. Bye!” And Joni made his escape.
Misha blinked in surprise, using Dima’s room? He hadn’t thought that the brat would have the decency to pretend in front of his younger brother that they hadn’t spend the night together. So he would return the favor and not shout Ivo right at that moment, but it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t get what he earned.
“You…” he pointed his finger at his older brother, ignoring Dima for the time being ”… and your parties! And your friends! And your fucking brilliant ideas! It’s ALL your fault and I AM NOT going to clean the mess in the kitchen!” Then he turned to Dima, somehow spiteful, ”Don’t tell me you lost your virginity, too,” he muttered and returned to his blissfully empty room.
“What’s up with him?” Dima asked Ivo after Misha had stormed away.
“Who knows what up with him the most times, late puberty?” Ivo grinned, “don’t worry, kiddo,” he said then and rufled Dima’s hair, “I’ll go and see what’s biting him on his ass,” he nodded and walked upstairs after his brother, leaving the still confused teen behind.
He knocked on the door softly, feeling slightly amused for some strange reason.
“I’m not here you bastard!” Misha shouted, trying to change the bedsheets on his bed, those awful come stains seemed to be laughing at him!
Ivo opened the door anyway, it wasn’t the first time Misha was pissed off at him and it wouldn’t be the last. He could handle both his brothers, after all, he was older and he was bigger. He looked at Misha who was pulling at the sheets.
“Come on, you had fun, admit it!” Ivo spoke, leaning against the now closed door, his arms crossed over his chest.
Misha threw a venomous look at him.
”Fun?!” He spat angrily, ”What fun? I had sex with him, that’s all I had, drunken sex on both sides, hello??” He got angrier by the second. ”And NOW … You know, just fuck off Ivo and stop meddling! I was much happier before I took his god damn cherry. He could have it! I didn’t want it this much! And I certainly didn’t take advantage of him!”
Ivo almost burst out laughing, but he had to hold it in, if he would start laughing now it would only make Misha angrier. But his brother was in such deep denial that… it was funny.
”Just calm down,” Ivo finally managed to say with somewhat normal voice, ”I know you didn’t take advantage of him,” he said, “and… wait… a virgin?” He asked then with a frown.
”Apparently not anymore,” Misha muttered, throwing the dirtied bedsheets on the floor in a bundle. Then he turned around to his brother. ”Just why the hell didn’t you stop me? You knew we hate each other, you knew it would bring nothing good …” Misha suddenly felt listless, as hilarious as it sounded he wanted to just go to sleep and forget that he had slept with his little brother’s school friend.
”Damn, a virgin, wouldn’t have guessed,” Ivo mused to himself and then finally looked back at Misha. ”Hate, passion, hm… sometimes the two are so close that it’s hard to tell the difference…”
”Do you really hate him? And I’d say it brought something good,” Ivo grinned, after moment of silence ”orgasm is always good.” He couldn’t help himself.
”Always good?” Misha almost laughed bitterly. ”Do you see me relaxed and smiling happily? No! And why? Because I had an orgasm with him!”
Ivo shook his head, Misha could be really thick at times.
“Fine, you’re not interested, you’re miserable and… juts OK.” He turned and opened the door, but before he left he glanced at Misha one last time. “Hm… so this means that he’s free game, doesn’t it? Hm…” He smiled to himself, “good to know,” he nodded, “I have to go and clean now.” And with that Ivo left the room.
Misha stared after him, blinking, then he walked to the door and locked it, wanting to be left alone. Well, if Ivo was crazy enough to… well… good luck to him!… But he wouldn’t, not really? Ivo wasn’t really interested of the brat, right? It would be… ridiculous! Ivo was… too OLD for the brat! It was just some… weird mind game. Misha decided.
He sat on his bed, feeling exhausted and finally he lay down, staring at the ceiling. When he close his eyes, it was his face he kept seeing, those brown eyes looking up to him when…. He groaned, no, he did not want to remember!
Joni took a taxi home, there was no way he could walk the 4km feeling the way he did, and even sitting normally proved to be rather painful. He felt overall confused, regretful, angry and… sad.
Getting home he hurriedly payed to the driver and got out.
He saw his 6 year old twin brothers out in the yard, making a snow man. Joni sighed.
“Joni! Joni!” They came towards him, screaming. “Where were you? dad almost called the cops.” Sauli, the younger of the twins nodded his head.
“Did he?” Joni muttered darkly, making his way towards the house.
“Why are you walking so funny?” Julius asked in return. “are you hurt?”
“No!” He replied immediately, finally reaching the front door.
Sure enough as soon as he was in, his father came into the hall, holding a cell phone is his hand.
“Where were you?!”
“Out,” Joni replied, while starting undressing his outdoor clothes. “I told you, I was going to a party, and… I stayed at Dima’s.”
“I told you to come home, I was worried, the least you could do is answer to your phone when I call.”
“I didn’t hear it ringing, what’s the big deal! I’m fucking old enough to spend the nights away from home!” Joni shouted, going towards the stairs. He could hear his father following him and soon enough he took a hold of his arm to stop him.
“What happened to your neck?” He asked, looking at the marks, Joni breathed tensely, he had almost forgotten about them.
“A fucking vampire bit me!” He snapped then, trying to pull his arm free. “Let go!”
“One last time Joni; where were you? And who were you with?” Joni glared at him, then noticing movement from the left he turned his face and saw his stepmother.
“It’s not your business.” He finally answered, again trying to leave, but his father still didn’t let go.
“Did you have sex with someone? Who was he Joni??”
“It’s really not your fucking business dad!”
“Yes it is when you are still under aged!”
“Get a fucking clue, I am 17! It is not illegal!”
“Did you even know him? Do you realise how dangerous that is?! Sleeping with strangers and-”
“Asko,” It was Katja’s voice, “calm down,” she tried and Joni once again glanced at her, using the opportunity to pull his arm free and flee, as quickly as possible to his room.
“You come back here young man!”
Joni slammed the door shut after him and threw himself on his bed, hoping he’d had a lock on his door too keep them away. He was sure he’d follow him and shout him some more, what he really didn’t need because he felt shitty enough as it was. But time passed and he didn’t…
Katja approached her husband,
“Don’t,” she spoke when he was about to follow his son, “Let him calm down,”
“If you go there now, shouting, you’ll only make it worse.”
“He’s too young to start having sex,” To this Katja gave a small laugh.
“If he was straight you wouldn’t say that.” She raised her eyebrow, “admit it,”
His hand on the railing of the stairs, he looked down and then finally back at her.
“You saw the way he walked?” He muttered, she smiled gently and took his hand.
“Come lets make you some tea,”
“It’s just that… he doesn’t even have a boyfriend, or if he has then why I’m not aware of it? Why wouldn’t he have told me?”
“Because he’s 17,” Katja answered, “because you are so over protective, because he wants his own life and thinks that to do that, he has to stop being your little son who tells his daddy everything.” She took a pause, handing a cup of tea between his hands, “You were 18, when you met Mariana,” she spoke with more quiet voice, “one year and she was pregnant, you weren’t that much older.” She reminded him.
“Yes… but it was different.” Katja sighed.
“I know you feel the need to protect him even more because… because he is what you have left of her, because he is hers, because he reminds you of her and….” Asko glared at her.
“Because he is my first born, because I was only 25 when I was left alone to take care of him when my heart was broken to little pieces when we lost her. Because he is MY CHILD.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way…” Katja sighed.
“My point is that Joni is 17, he’s not a child anymore, childish yes, but he was bound to take this step, and in fact he could have taken it a lot earlier, if he hasn’t. We don’t really know. But… he seemed upset and all that your shouting does, is to make him feel even worse. Let me talk to him.”
Asko looked at her and finally, little stiffly, he nodded his head.
Joni wasn’t sure how long he had laid on his bed when there was a knock on his door.
“Go away!” He shouted, but was ignored. The door opened and he was surprised to see his stepmother.
“I brought you some tea,” she explained, walking closer after closing the door. Joni didn’t reply. “Have you eaten?”
“I’m not hungry,” he muttered. Katja placed the tea on the table next to Joni, took a chair and sat down.
“Was he your first?” She asked after awhile, keeping her voice gentle. Joni didn’t even look at her.
“I was 15 when I lost my virginity, the boy I slept with was 20 and I… I believed myself to be in love with him,” she gave a slight smile, “he was well with words, made me believe that he loved me… but what did I know of love then? A week later he left me, and already he had another naive little school girl like me to listen to the lies he told… It hurt, hurt to realized that he had only used me. That I meant nothing at all to him.”
Joni frowned and looked at her.
“Why the hell are you telling me this?” He asked little rudely.
“Because… it helps to talk about these things,”
“Fine, I listened, I hope you’re gotten over it…” Joni muttered and close his eyes.
“Was he your… boyfriend?” Katja asked. Joni’s eyes snapped open.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!”
“You were with someone last night,” Again Joni was quiet, he didn’t understand why he was feeling so hurt inside, so… he actually felt like crying for some fucked up reason…
“It’s… always more…hm… personal? when… when you let another person…inside…and sometimes, it might be hard to understand if the man hasn’t…” She tried to talk to him, but it same out awkward.
“What? What are you-? Do you think I need this talk? Do you think I’m some fucking lady??” Joni snapped, he was really starting to get enough of this.
Katja looked at him, this was just as difficult as she had thought it would be.
“You would tell us…” she hesitated, “…if something that you didn’t want to happen…happened?”
Joni glared at her quietly, Misha might have been a bastard, he might have taken advantage of the situation, but he had been drunk, too.
“If this is your subtle way of asking if I was raped, then no. Now please leave, you don’t need to start acting like you’d care.”
“I do care, Joni, you’re the child of a man I love very dearly. How could I not care?”
“Oh please… spear me of that CRAP!… I know you can’t wait till the day I move out, well you needed worry, as soon as I turn 18 I’ll be out and you can freely act the happy little family with the rest.”
“Joni,” she started, her voice tightening, “I’m trying here and I am getting sick of your attitude!”
“It’s a little late to try,” he answered tiredly, “you are not my mother, you never wanted to be and just drop the act, alright?”
“You’ve never even given me a chance, Joni,” she answered, “well I’m sorry that your mother died, and I’m sorry I took your fathers attention from you, but did you really expect him to stay alone for the rest of his life!?” He always managed to get her worked up, if someone asked her, what Joni needed was a good spanking. Obviously the conversation hadn’t worked out as she would have liked.
“Thank you, stepmother, but I really, really don’t need this right now, please leave.”
“Sorry? Well don’t bother, just leave, please.”
Helplessly she got up, if she tried to talk to him now, it would only get worse…
Web published: January 17th, 2008.
My Secret Shore