Misha couldn’t relax, he couldn’t stop worrying, Chris had to be up to something, right? It just didn’t click that the man would suddenly change. No one changed so fast, right? In the end Misha had called Pauliina, unsure who else he could talk to about the whole thing, unsure if he was ridiculous or right for worrying.
It was Friday noon and Misha waited in the waiting room, he had left work earlier using the hours he had left from working over time. He looked around and finally took a magazine to flip through the pages nervously.
Finally Pauliina opened the door and smiled at him.
“Welcome Misha, please come in!” Misha tried to smile back at her, he dropped the magazine before getting up. He looked tired and he knew it.
“Thanks for seeing me,” he said almost weakly when stepping into the office.
“No problem, A cup of coffee for starters?”
“Yes, thanks,” Misha smiled trying his best to not look as exhausted as he felt. He took a seat down and Pauliina poured a cup of coffee to him and herself a glass of water. After handing the cup to Misha, she sat down.
“So what is troubling you?”
Misha tasted the coffee and sighed. “It’s that man again,” he started and shrugged. ”Perhaps I’m worrying myself for nothing but I have the feeling that… ” Again he took a pause trying to sort out his rather confusing thoughts. ”To put it short, Chris suddenly gave those intimate pictures back to Joni. Well, he gave the information to access an internet file to them… I checked it for Joni and it was right… So now it is deleted… Joni is happy and I suppose I should be too and I am, but… This all seems so… sudden.”
”I can see why you are worried, Misha. But I am no detective or police man and I have no access to Chris in jail to talk to him. So how can I help you, is there something else?”
”I don’t know how to deal with this… Joni has been on such a good mood since it happened, he just… he acts like this fixed everything and doesn’t want to talk about it further. I love it that he’s in a good mood, I do, but it also makes this more difficult. I fear he now denies everything. I…” Misha sighed again with frustration, he felt so tired that it felt difficult to explain himself. ”I don’t think that man would just leave this all go, just like that, not when just weeks ago he said the opposite… I can’t talk to Joni, not to upset him and at the same time… I just… I can’t sleep.. I think about the future and I worry…”
Paulina smiled. ”I am not allowed to talk about Joni and the therapy I am doing with him but let me tell you that we’re on a good way. But there is something much more interesting – you talked about Chris and Joni and the pictures but the most important part came at the end. You cannot sleep and you worry about the future. When did this start?”
Misha rubbed his eyes, took another sip of his coffee and started to think. ”I think I’ve been worrying ever since I found Joni in that cabin like that… Now it’s just increased… since Joni and I… well now that we are so close… I have these nightmares…”
Pauliina nodded. ”Tell me more about those nightmares. What do you dream of?”
Misha was quiet again at first, swirling his teaspoon in the coffee mug frowning to himself as he studied the movement. It wasn’t easy subject, it was something so intimate, but out of all people it felt easier to tell to Pauliina than those he knew well. ”It starts out differently, but usually leads to the same thing… Joni is there with me and it’s relaxing and fine at first, then he walks away to get something or… I am going to him, but… something is wrong. He calls me for help and I can’t reach him. I see that man attacking him and I can’t get to them, I can’t even scream no matter how I try…. I always wake up just before… well… before the worst happens…”
”Well, I thought something alike. Joni told me that you sometimes are having troubles to sleep and it obviously has to do with the attack from Chris on Joni and you. Have you ever spoken about it with someone? I don’t mean to the police but about your feelings when all this happened?”
Misha glanced at her and shrugged, somehow amused, there it was again; feelings… ”I just have nightmares, everyone does from time to time, it’s silly but I’m only worried because of Joni.” He didn’t think his own feelings needed help or dwelling into he just wanted to… ”I just want to know how I can prevent Joni getting hurt.”
”Well, if someone wants to be able to prevent someone from a danger they need to know the danger, do you agree?”
Misha was quiet for a moment and then nodded. ”Yes… I know that Chris is insane…”
”That could be true, but I think right now Joni has other dangers to face. You do agree that his biggest problems right now are the fear of intimacy, the denial of the potential danger of Chris and thinking he would have changed and to process all the happenings and bring them to an end that allows him a way back to normal life?”
Again Misha was quiet thinking about her words before he nodded. ”I do want normal life for him and for us both, I just… How can I give it to him?”
”Well, in starting to get yourself back to a normal life. Tell me, did you have nightmares that often before the incident? I mean not normal nightmares of coming too late to school or being naked in public or that your car breaks won’t work. But those nightmares you were talking about, about you being unable to help Joni.”
Misha again was quiet before replying, thinking back. ”Not in this sense, there were few slightly different when I had my suspicions over what my brother had told me, about the relationship… I think they were more about my past guilt…”
”About your past guilt?” Pauliina tilted her head. ”Can you tell me about this guilt?”
Misha sighed. ”I guess I thought Joni might have told you…” He shrugged. ”Since you talk with him and all…” Small pause. ”Well, before Chris and all of this… Joni was only 17, he had a crush on me and I had convinced myself I didn’t like him… he was behaving like such a spoiled brat then… Then one drunken night… I was the one who had his virginity… it was just… well I was shitty to him after and then it just… suddenly his dad send him to north and that’s where he met that man… If I hadn’t … done so stupidly, he would have never ended up with Chris… I regret that…”
”Oh, I see. Have you talked to Joni about it?”
”Partly… I have apologised… I don’t know if it is enough…”
”Well, maybe we can talk about that together with Joni?”
Misha finished his coffee and nodded. ”Perhaps,” he agreed. ”I just don’t want him to hear that I was here now…”
”We keep that confidential. But aside that let us talk about your current nightmares. I know you’re a smart man, so you know what they are about, right?”
Misha took a deep breath and nodded. ”I’m scared to lose him. Afraid that one day Chris will get out and…” It was difficult to finish. ”The death of my parents was hard enough… and I don’t ever want that pain again.”
Well, I cannot fore tale the future and absolute safety is impossible. But how do you think you could lose Joni whilst Chris is in prison?”
”I guess now it’s okay… We’re doing good and progressing… Just the fact of Chris getting out in two years or so… it’s nagging my mind.”
”When you think about the incident, what pictures pop up in your mind?” Pauliina asked out of the sudden.
”Hmh… you mean the cabin?” Misha asked carefully.
”Yes. When you helped Joni.”
”Him…lying there… half naked… hurt.. Chris… holding a knife and … attacking me…” Misha swallowed. Chris had felt so strong and for a moment he had thought to lose the fight, the sense of fear in that thought.
”Good. And then?”
”He’s strong… I think myself as strong, but…it was such mad situation… He had this…crazy look in his eyes…” Misha swallowed. ”Inhuman… for awhile I thought… that both Joni and I would …lose. That it would be the end.” It was the first time Misha really said it out loud, that he had for a moment thought they might die by Chris’ hands.
”But you remember what happened instead, right?”
”Yes… Joni hit him with a lamp, I didn’t think he could even get up on his own… because what Joni did I was able to take the situation in control.” Misha sighed. ”But to see all that and hear… I can’t understand that man…He is sick, how can he change if he doesn’t get treatment? He thinks Joni as something to posses … it is worrying.”
”It seems unlikely that Chris will change on his own, yes. But see – Joni and you, together, solved this situation You distracted Chris enough that Joni could hit him and then you could take Chris completely out and get help from the police and hospital. You two worked together and both of you had to rely on the other. Maybe that is an interesting point – it is not you who wants to protect Joni but maybe he wants and does the same for you?”
Misha thought about it for a moment and slowly nodded. ”I guess, I don’t always know to give him credit enough… I want to shelter him, sometimes I forget how he’s had to take care of himself a lot in this too…” Again he took a small pause. ”Are you maybe suggesting that, this attitude of his now, might be his way of trying to protect me and his family? To keep us cheerful?”
”Partly. I think he wants this whole problem solved, he doesn’t want to be sheltered all the time by you and his dad and his surrounding. He wants normality, back to be like it was before Chris.”
Misha nodded. ”It’s understandable. Perhaps it’s all that I can really do for now… try and give the normality to him… If I can figure out how to let go of the worry…” He frowned as he thought of it, it wasn’t easy.
”I don’t think pretending everything is okay and back to normal will help and it won’t help you if you support this pretending.” Pauliina smiled. ”But worrying all the time and trying to shelter and protect Joni from everything and everyone won’t help you either and it will make you worry more and more even about trivial things. How’d you react if Joni would always double check on you, ask you all the time how you are, always having an eye on you even when you just get up to go to the bathroom?”
Misha had a guilty face at the thought, he would hate it. ”I would feel like he changed places with my ex…” He said and groaned at the realisation. ”I’ve been… so annoying, haven’t I?”
”Well, that is for Joni to tell.” Pauliina chuckled. ”It is okay to keep an eye open for calls of help and to prepare for difficult times. But sometimes a cough is just a cough and not a pneumonia and sometimes a smile is just a smile of happiness and not the façade of a troubled person.”
Misha nodded in deep though. ”Thank you, I guess I needed this talk…” He smiled a bit. ”This whole ordeal has just been so overwhelming…”
”Good, when do you want to come back?”
”Didn’t we have that appointment with Joni on Tuesday?” Misha asked wondering if he remembered wrong.
”Yes, but I meant without Joni. I would be a magician if I could help you get back to normal sleep with just one talk. I don’t want to talk you into a therapy marathon but I think a few more session would help you.”
Misha groaned and took a silent pause while thinking. He was tired of the nightmares and he was getting so tired lately. ”Fine… When is your next free appointment?” He asked.
”Next week same time? And then we meet monthly till you sleep through a whole weekend.”
Misha nodded slowly. ”Alright,” he agreed. ”But just to make it clear, when I come here with Joni, I don’t want him to know I was here, not yet. I don’t want he gets worried of this… sleeping thing…”
”I am your doctor so I keep everything confidential, of course. Though I think Joni could help you, but this is your decision, Misha.”
”Maybe I tell him later… I mean I do want to tell him later… I guess it would be unfair to think he has to tell me his secrets when I keep my own to myself?”
”It is your decision, I cannot tell you what to do but I can help you to find your answer.”
Misha nodded, took another deep breath and got up. ”Thank you for seeing me…it’s…” He felt a bit weird, she was practically a stranger and still he had revealed more to her than to those he had known for years. ”You’ve helped Joni a lot and… I appreciate it very much.”
Pauliina smiled and shook Misha’s hand. ”You’re welcome, Misha. I hope I can help you, too. ”
Misha drove straight to Joni’s parents house, he rang the doorbell and waited. Joni was alone that he knew and later they would go back to his house. It didn’t take long for Joni to open, the brunet had his reading glasses on and he was grinning when seeing him.
”Yay you’re early!” He said and almost jumped to his neck. Misha smiled and kissed Joni’s lips, stepping in with him. He closed the door after and started undressing his coat looking around.
”You did check who it was before opening, right?” Misha asked and Joni cocked his brow.
”Why?” Joni asked with a small chuckle.
”Your dad didn’t install that peephole for nothing you know? I just want to know that you’re using it.”
”Misha…” Joni sighed. ”It’s two in the afternoon, I doubt any burglars will ring the doorbell at this hour.”
”It’s not burglars I worry about now, you know that,” Misha said kicking his shoes of looking at his boyfriend carefully. ”You really should have that new security system here soon.” Asko had talked about getting a better one, which could also used when they were at home, or more importantly when Joni was home alone or with the kids and Misha would have liked to see it being installed sooner.
”Misha, Chris won’t escape prison and he’s not coming after me, it’s over, okay?” Joni sighed with bored tone. ”You and dad both could really give it a rest!” He added and turned into the kitchen to get something to drink. Misha followed him, he knew he should stop worrying, wasn’t this what he had just talked about with Pauliina? But some things were easier said than done and old habits died hard.
Misha watched his boyfriend quietly as he was taking two glasses from the cabinet, then walked to the fridge to get some diet coke which he poured into the glasses and gave the other to him without asking if he wanted to drink. Misha was thirsty though and took the drink gratefully. ”I’m sorry if I get on your nerves with this subject,” Misha said then. The brunet was leaning against the counter and looked towards him, slowly Misha moved closer, until close enough to touch. ”You’re just so important to me, so I worry and I know I need to…” Joni lowered his glass down on the counter and brought his finger on Misha’s lips.
”I don’t want to keep talking about Chris or the past, I talk about it with Pauliina and it’s enough, okay? I want to leave that talk in that room with her.” Joni looked straight in his eyes. ”If you worry, I worry and then I get stressed and I can’t handle being stressed any more. He made me stress enough, now I just want to enjoy and live my life with you, okay?”
Misha nodded, Pauliina was right there was no way of predicting the future and if he kept up his worrying and patronising attitude, he would only drive Joni away with it. ”I understand, I do want the same with you,” he agreed and kissed Joni’s lips gently. ”Have you studied all day?” He asked then, deciding that a change of subject was needed. He smiled as his hand touched Joni’s glasses carefully, the younger man grinned.
”I forgot I was wearing them,” he said and was about to take them off when Misha stopped him.
”Keep them, you look so sexy with them… Not that you wouldn’t look sexy otherwise.”
”I think you maybe have some teacher or librarian fetish,” Joni chuckled. ”Alright you naughty boy, sit down!” He grinned and pushed the blond towards the kitchen table, making him sit in front of it. Misha gave a curious look to him. Joni was definitely getting bolder and more playful, that he had to love. ”Did you do your homework?” Joni asked standing before him.
”My dog ate them,” Misha replied with a lazy grin after studying him silently for awhile.
”Your dog!” Joni shrieked. ”I think you were just naughty lazy boy…” He said. ”What am I to do with you?” Slowly Joni moved to sit on his lap straddling his thighs. ”Huh?”
”A kiss might inspire me…” Misha whispered wrapping his arms around Joni and leaning towards him to kiss him tenderly. Joni smiled, he did feel better every day, more willing and bolder to push those boundaries, little by little… There was this playful sexual side in him that Chris had managed to suffocate but which Misha was now beginning to restore to life, it was a slow progress, this side was still shy, once and awhile it carefully peaked outside and a moment later went back into hiding, it just needed time.
Tuesday arrived. Misha felt partly guilty for not telling Joni that he had already seen Pauliina in between, while the younger man wondered with almost child like amusement on how would she react on their advances, that they had gone beyond their homework. it was seven pm and they sat in the waiting room, Misha was trying to take a look of the magazines while Joni leaned to take a closer look as well, grinning at him in a playful way. ”You’re distracting my reading…” Misha murmured with a small smile.
”Oh am I really?” Joni asked placing his hand on his thigh moving slowly up. ”Joni…” Misha scolded, partly amused partly shocked. Joni really was getting bolder every day…
Pauliina opened the door. ”You two can come in.” She turned to walk in her bureau and grinned.
Joni stood up at first, glancing at Misha with almost an innocent smile before following her and Misha placed the magazine down, took a deep calming breath and followed. Misha sat next to Joni on the familiar seats and smiled at her slightly hesitantly.
”Welcome Joni, welcome Misha. Coffee for both?”
”Yes please,” Joni smiled and glanced at Misha, who looked back at him now with small amusement. Joni was smiling a lot lately, that he had noticed. The smile was so much more relaxed than before, more natural, it felt good to see that smile.
Pauliina poured two cups and placed them in front of them and took a seat. ”Well, how are you feeling?”
”Good,” Joni replied. ”Very good in fact,” he nodded and Misha recognised the shyness behind the smile. ”We’ve made progress,” Joni added.
”Can you bring me up-to-date with how things are?”
Joni glanced at Misha who seemed strangely quiet. ”We… well ..were able to… hm… I touched Misha and I…” This was when Joni struggled, speaking about it out loud. Misha cleared his throat and took Joni’s hand.
”Joni was able to get pleasure with me while controlling the pace.”
Pauliina blinked. ”So you two actually reached orgasm at the same action?”
Misha glanced at Joni and they both nodded. ”It just sort of… happened…” Joni explained blushing slightly and smiling after.
”So, what exactly happened?”
”Well… I was… touching Misha…” He started. ”We were in his room… I was giving him a … handjob…hmh.. and I had only boxers on… So we kinda… ended up… rubbing against each other….” Joni explained and Misha tried to hide his grin as he thought how cute it sounded from Joni’s lips.
”Hmm… How did you feel afterwards?”
”It was… surprising,” Joni nodded. ”I guess I was most surprised about it… I was happy.. confused too… I guess a bit embarrassed at first…” He confessed and Misha listened carefully next to him.
”And after 30minutes?”
”I had a shower by myself and… I started to feel relieved and happy… I was afraid that something was wrong with me that I wouldn’t be able to… go to that level and feel good about it.”
”That sounds great. What about you Misha?”
”How could I complain?” Misha grinned. ”I felt thrilled, Joni’s pleasure gives me pleasure,” he said and smiled at the younger man.
”Well, it seems you’re making great progress.” Pauliina smiled. ”Is there anything you have troubles with while being intimate?”
Misha glanced at Joni since it was up to him to answer if there was something. Joni cleared his throat before starting. ”I think I’m really starting to be able to trust Misha… Everything feels new… kind of exciting… and I want to try more… I am not sure … I mean…” The brunet took a pause and glanced at Misha who smiled softly to him. ”I guess we both are wondering if it’s safe to continue further.”
”It is good that you already think about it. What would be the next step for you, Joni?”
”Hmm… maybe… if we give each other… mm… oral…” He sighed, feeling his skin burn slightly. ”I think hardest for me is… speaking in these terms… or learn to express myself again?” He suggested scratching behind his neck
Pauliina smiled. ”You don’t have to be very detailed with me if you don’t want. I guess there is no more need for me to give you homework’s?”
”I think we would only break the rules…” Joni admitted with a small smile and Misha smiled back at Joni before looking back at her.
”I think we’re on the right path here.” The blond agreed.
”Good, then let us repeat a few things.” ….. ”So, I think you’re on a good way. Just take one step after another and maybe sometimes take a step back. If you need something, want to talk or have a problem, you have my number, right?”
Joni smiled and nodded. ”Thank you, really… If my friends ever need a shrink I know who to sent them to”, he grinned. ”Nah, really I appreciate this.” He said and got up slowly.
”That goes for me as well,” Misha said following Joni’s example and smiled at her, knowing he’d see her again in few days.
Pauliina shook both hands and smiled. ”I wish you the very best, and Joni, we’ll see each other soon. Until then have a good time. And a hot one, too.”
Both men chuckled lightly at the comment. ”You too, Pauliina”, Joni said going to the door with Misha. ”Bye now!”
They drove back to Misha’s home where Joni had stayed since Friday. On the driveway they spotted Jami’s car. ”Oh cool, Ivo is back, I’ve kind of missed him!” Joni cheered. ”And now I don’t have to call Jami for a haircut!” The brunet hurried to unplug his seatbelt and got out of the car. Misha smiled lazily before following his boyfriend. He had met Jami only few times since everything had been so hectic in their lives and Ivo seemed to understand their need of space staying at Jami’s more often. Jami seemed nice enough, not the most stereotypical male hairdresser, at least he spoke with normal tone of voice and didn’t seem to have those exaggerated hand movements (which Misha remembered one of his old barber having had, – that man had screamed gay all over the place.) Misha himself hadn’t been Jami’s customer yet but wondered now if he should go next time, since even Dima had and said that Jami was not only good but gave quite a big discount for him as well.
Besides, his current barber had started to seem a bit too curious about him and Joni. He himself didn’t like to talk about his personal life to someone who cut his hair, but apparently the woman had read the tabloids and finally couldn’t hold herself from commenting how cute his model boyfriend was, apparently trying to stir the conversation from there: annoying.
Ivo came to hall to greet them. ”You got back just in time, we’re cooking tortillas! I hope you’re hungry as well?” He grinned.
”We are thanks,” Misha nodded taking Joni’s jacket and placing it in the hanger and then his own. ”I didn’t know you’d be here today.”
”Well, we thought it would be nice to see you two for a change,” Ivo grinned. ”I hope you’re not disappointed?”
”Of course not, I missed you.” Joni said and hugged the older man briefly.
”Missed you too Joni,” Ivo grinned, patting Joni’s back. ”Come on then..” He lead the young man into the kitchen Misha close behind them. Jami was standing in front of the stove cooking the minced meat. Apparently Ivo had found a new house slave, no wonder he was gone so much, this house slave after all could offer far more than a brother could; Misha thought to himself while the shorter man turned and greeted them both cheerfully.
”Hi Jami,” Joni smiled. He had been embarrassed after he had burst out the thing with Chris, but since Jami didn’t seem to act any differently nor had the man mentioned it, Joni felt a little more at ease. ”When would you have time to cut my hair again?”
The short man smiled, turning the stove off. ”Next week? How’s your schedule?”
”Well, I can almost make it at any time, I’m mostly staying at home and studying.”
”Okay… Monday at 10am? We could redo those highlights then?”
”Sounds great.” Joni agreed and took a seat down in front of the table. Misha sat next to him and Ivo poured them red wine.
”Is this some special occasion?” Misha couldn’t help but to ask little suspiciously, noticing how nicely the table had been set, candles and all.
”Well…” Ivo started and glanced at Jami who smiled back at him while serving everyone the tortilla bread. ”Jami and I talked about it and we agreed that we both want to move in together.” Ivo grinned and Misha, who had just tasted his wine almost choked to it. Ivo saying this was almost as crazy as… as… He tried to think, well it was just crazy! ”Move in? But… Isn’t this kind of soon?” He asked. Hadn’t they just met?
”When it feels right, it feels right,” Ivo nodded, taking Jami’s hand in his and gazing him adoringly. Misha glanced at Joni to see his reaction, but the young man simply smiled at the two.
”Aww, this is so cute, I should start my own dating agency! Dima met Linda because I introduced them and I asked Jami to go out with you!” Joni chuckled.
“Yes, and we are forever grateful to you for that,” Jami grinned.
Misha didn’t know how to react, instead he started collecting fooditems on his plate, on his tortilla trying to progress this weird information.
”I though that Jami could move here, we could live together all four of us! Wouldn’t that be fun?” Ivo then dropped the other bomb. Jami glanced at Ivo, but didn’t say anything instead he smiled slightly and sipped his wine. ”Joni, you’re here so much anyway, I know Misha would want you here too permanently.”
Misha frowned, Ivo meddled in way too much! Of course he wanted to live with Joni, but this was a thing that he wanted to discuss with Joni alone! Not harassed by Ivo and his partner.
”Hey, I think we should let them discuss this on their own,” Jami said then clearly seeing the discomfort on Misha’s face. He smiled then.”Besides nothing permanent is settled yet, only that I want to live with Ivo and he with me.”
”Well, I am happy for you,” Joni grinned looking at Ivo, pleased to see the older man so happy. Ivo looked back at him and they shared a knowing smile, Joni would have liked to say; see I told you there will be someone important, but he didn’t need to say it out loud. As for living there, all four of them, Joni didn’t know if he would want that. The idea felt slightly weird to be honest, but from the looks of Misha, he wasn’t jumping from the thought either.
Later that night, they laid in the bed together. Joni looked at Misha who stared at the ceiling in deep thought, from downstairs they suddenly heard Jami’s scream which turned into laughter, then Ivo’s voice and then…
”Okay, I can’t do this, I can’t live with them!” Misha groaned and sat up. He ran his hands through his hair and released another groan when the suspicious noises from downstairs continued. Most of all it bothered him because of Joni, Joni didn’t need to hear Ivo and Jami having sex and he preferred not to hear it either.”I’ll put on some music, maybe that gives them the clue!” He thought and stood up going through his CD’s. Joni sat up as well watching him. Again he could hear Jami’s scream like giggle and later added with scolding voice: ”Ivo!… Shh…” and then Ivo said something, then there was a moment of silence, until again.”Ivo!” And laughter. Joni suddenly felt amused as well, Misha however was huffing to himself and wondering if he had earplugs for them both. Finally he placed some classical music into the player and muttered again about the earplugs which he tried to find next.
”Misha…” Joni called.”Come back to bed…” He said and when the blond still seemed busy with trying to find the earplugs, Joni sighed, undressed his shirt and threw it at him. It finally made Misha turn. ”Come to bed…” Joni smiled seductively and reached his hand to them. ”They are in love and they have fun… As I remember, we are in love too and we should be able to have fun as well.”
Misha looked at Joni’s bare chest and swallowed, he moved slowly towards the bed and stood before it looking in Joni’s eyes who continued to smile encouragingly and so Misha threw his own shirt away as well. They may have progressed, but this still felt new, Joni excited him and yet he still feared that he would make the wrong move, the wrong touch too soon and… He sat beside the brunet who leaned closer to kiss him tenderly and moved on his lap, straddling his thighs.”As much as I love and adore Ivo, I can’t see us living here either”, Joni whispered.”You would lose your nerve…” He grinned. Misha kissed his lips once more, his hand caressing Joni’s face, slowly moving down on his neck, further to his chest towards his stomach, where it stopped to gently play with the silver jewel that pierced Joni’s navel, it fascinated him… It suited Joni so well…
”Yeah…” He simply whispered moaning slightly when Joni moved closer making his blood rush down. Joni licked his lips, kissed Misha again and moaned. Slowly he took Misha’s hand, closed his eyes and guided his hand down to touch him through his pants.
Misha felt surprised and delighted at the same time, he could feel Joni being half hard and… This was another step forward. He touched Joni more boldly, gently rubbing him with his hand, causing a sweet moan escape the brunets lips. He hardened under his touch and it made Misha feel even more aroused.”Can I bring my hand under your clothes?” Misha asked with a low whisper. Joni’s eyes opened partly, his cheeks were red and there was a small nod.
”I could undress…” Joni whispered almost shyly and Misha couldn’t help but to smile.
”If you are sure?” Misha asked and Joni nodded. He got up slowly, his cheeks were still red and there was that shy look in his eyes. He held his gaze down as he slowly slipped his sweatpants and underwear down, Misha held his breath gazing his lovers naked form, he had longed this moment, to see him like this.”You’re beautiful…” Misha whispered kissing Joni’s belly and helping him back on the bed.
Joni released small snigger and bit his lip. Misha’s gaze was so intensive, slowly he laid down on the bed and allowed Misha’s gentle caress over his body, slow hands moving lower. Misha brought his hand gently on Joni’s erection, feeling the hot, velvety skin, squeezing his hand softly around the hard flesh and keeping his gaze on Joni’s face. ”Is this okay?”
”Y-yeah…” Joni panted and licked his lips. He still felt shy but he wanted this. Misha spat on his other hand and brought it down to rub the moistness on his lover’s erection. Another sweet moan, Misha grinned, this was.. so… arousing… he felt so thrilled and… horny… Misha continued to stoke the brunet, gazing down at his cock, it looked so tempting and he would have wanted so badly to taste it… lick it and… The pubic hair was trimmed neatly which made him think that maybe Joni had planned this move. Misha laid down on his stomach next to Joni, his other hand playing with his balls while other continued to stroke the length. He kissed Joni’s stomach, gazed up at him, clearly the brunet was enjoying himself which made Misha feel more encouraged.
He thought about what Joni had said at one of the sessions with Pauliina, about wanting to try topping. Misha still wasn’t sure if he was completely comfortable with the thought, but for him it was a huge step to think about it and not find it completely impossible. Joni wasn’t on the small size, little above average Misha estimated, the organ felt hot under his touch, beautiful, maybe it could be interesting? Maybe it would teach him to be a better top if he knew how it felt for the other? – Not that he wasn’t a good lover to begin with, – he thought to himself. But if it was what Joni wanted to try, how could he have the heart to refuse? He might even enjoy it himself? – A small voice suggested in his mind, but for now Misha allowed the thought to pass as quickly as it had emerged. They had time.
He continued to kiss down from Joni’s navel, stopping on his hips, another look up, Joni’s eyes were half open and looking back at him. ”I want to taste you, can I?” Misha asked and Joni licked his lips, giving him a silent nod. Misha smiled, moved down and kissed the tip of Joni’s cock, licking the salty precum. He thought Joni tasted delicious, Misha moaned quietly before taking more of Joni’s length in his mouth.
Joni gasped, the pleasure of it got him by surprise, Misha had a talented mouth and somehow the blond managed to get him into the state of mind where the past was forgotten and fear left behind. ”Ngh… Misha… god…ah…” His hand reached to the blond wisps of his lover, his head turned to the side and his toes twitched.
The taller man grinned around the organ, doubling his efforts. God? Yes, Joni could call him god any time. This time Misha only concentrated on Joni’s cock and his balls, leaving his anal area untouched, knowing Joni might not be ready and it would spoil the mood. He only wanted him to feel good now.
”Misha… I’m…ah… c-close…” Joni panted and Misha continued to do what he had been doing, his other hand stroking Joni’s stomach. And finally there was that quiet, delicious cry of pleasure as the organ in his mouth began to shoot out the thick, salty cum, Misha swallowed it down and licked Joni clean. The younger man trembled slightly and Misha smiled, kissed his stomach and his chest, then his cheek.
”You taste good…” Misha complimented him and Joni released a small exhausted snigger.
”Felt really good…” Joni whispered.”Amazing…”
”I’m glad,” Misha said and planted another kiss on Joni’s forehead.
”Would you like me to… um… suck you off?” Joni asked quietly, almost shyly and Misha smiled.
”I think that can wait for another time, this was your time and now I just want you to stay there relaxed,” Misha grinned. “I’ll be right back, just going to take a shower,” he winked and gave another quick kiss on Joni’s cheek before getting up. Misha walked towards the bedroom door, supporting still a rather painful hard on which he planned to take care in private. This was a good step, the rest could wait till other times.
The younger man gazed after Misha with lazy smile on his lips, which soon turned into a grin thinking what had just happened. He pulled the cover on and smiled in the darkness, six months ago he couldn’t have believed that he could ever feel this happy again. Life felt good and would only keep on getting better from now on, that Joni felt certain of.
A/N: Please review , either on shout box or the questbook where the review link leads to 🙂
Web published: March 26th, 2012.
My Secret Shore