They didn’t sit together in the same carriage or walk together in London. Ricky was certain that the police would start the search as soon as the parents would find their boy missing. He didn’t want to take any chances. He explained to the boy that they had to be careful, assured him that later he could contact with his parents, but could only reveal his whereabouts later, after they had calmed down.
The boys naivety was sweet, he believed everything so nicely even though questioning at first; why a motel if he had money? – they didn’t want to raise suspicions, draw attention, Ricky didn’t want the cops to meddle.
Michael was still underage, had he been eighteen, everything would have been easier. He told the boy that he should consider this as an adventure, it seemed to work since the boy stopped asking stupid questions and even agreed to his suggestion to change his style; he bleached his hair a couple of shades lighter and later went to small barber shop to cut his hair a little shorter. Ricky bought him new clothes. They took new passport pictures, the boy was dazzled, but too blinded by all the lies that Ricky whispered in his ear.
He had given up his whole life into the older man’s hands, his passport and his ID, through Ricky’s contacts it was easy to get a whole new identity to the boy. Michael Anthony Larkin.
Cops would be looking Michael Benjamin Wills. Later Ricky would call him his nephew, Matthews had been a cover up name, not his own.
Michael was excited, nervous, all these changes were causing him to doubt, he hadn’t thought that he would need as much. However, Ricky was good with words and everything happened so fast.
He studied his changed appearance through the mirror of the small motel room, tilting his head to the side. Michael had never dyed his hair before and although this lighter brown seemed to suit him well it was still difficult to get used to it. He wiped the hair lightly from his forehead where it seemed to stubbornly fall and finally he took the hair wax, messing his hair up to a more comfortable style, familiar yet different and he wondered if his mother would recognize him if she saw him like this. He wondered what his grandma would have said and he smiled to his image slightly. The situation was as odd as it was exciting. The man stepped into the room, watched him with amusement and Michael turned his head, grinning.
”What do you think?” he asked, getting up and showing off his new style. The man approached looking at him with curiosity.
”You look really good,” he admitted. ”Twirl around.”
Michael obeyed, smiling. The man’s gaze moved down on the boy’s body, estimating, wondering how he would look naked; it was tempting to ask him to undress completely, but honestly Ricky wasn’t sure if he could control himself enough and saw it best to to wait until he could get the boy safely to their destination. He however leaned down to kiss the boy’s full lips and touched his face tenderly.
”You are really handsome,” he complimented and the boy grinned feeling satisfied.
”So are you,” Michael whispered and leaned closer to kiss the man again. ”How long are we going to wait still?” he asked finally and stroked the man’s neck tenderly with his finger proceeding down on his chest.
”You’re bored already?” Ricky inquired with an amused tone, his pulse speeding up at the younger man’s touch. The temptation was getting overpowering. The boy pouted his lip.
”Yes, there’s nothing to do here,” he complained and Ricky smiled slightly, he allowed his hands move down on Michael’s sides. The man thought for a moment until finally he brought his hand between the boys legs massaging him through the fabric of his jeans. Michael sighed with surprise and the man felt his grin grow.
”Feels good?” he asked wryly and continued the movement, making it stronger.
The boy nodded and slowly Ricky opened his zipper, slipping his hand underneath the underwear. Young and inexperienced; this wouldn’t require a lot of bringing pleasure to the kid, he would make him forget his awakening doubts.
It took an enormous amount of self-control not to give in to his own lust as the boy laid there languidly after his orgasm. He probably would have been in a willing state of mind now, but Ricky preferred to wait, he wanted to take the boy’s virginity in his own terms, then it would taste even sweeter. The poor child didn’t know yet what was waiting for him. The man grinned at his thoughts; it would be worth all his trouble.
From Paris they traveled to Mexico, as the boy wondered for the reason, Ricky told him that he wanted to expand his holiday, wanted to spoil him for another week while getting to know each other better before he would have to return to work for real.
Ricky lead the trusting teenager through the airport towards the parking area where the car already waited. They loaded their bags into the trunk with the help of the sluggish Mexican driver. The day was hot and there wasn’t any air conditioning in the car. Ricky was ready to give up on the luxury for now, the transportation was best to happen as inconspicuously as possible. He had already paid the driver handsomely and knew that he wouldn’t talk to outsiders later even if the boy’s tracks could somehow be traced as far as Mexico.
Michael felt sweat forming on his forehead and opened the buttons of his shirt, trying to cool off by waving his plane ticket in front of his face. He glanced at the man with an exhausted smile noticing that he too was suffering from the heat.
”How long still?” he asked. They had already been driving for forty-five minutes and there were less settlements now.
”Patience my dear.” Ricky smiled and massaged the boy’s thigh. ”It will be worth it,” he promised and Michael nodded trustingly, moving his gaze to the scenery that opened from the window. Beautiful, he thought.
”Can we later visit the ruins of the Maya Indians?” he asked. ”I’ve always wanted to see them.”
”Perhaps, if we have time, they are not close,” Ricky answered calmly and brought his gaze to the boy smiling at him. The truth was that in the several following weeks, the boy wouldn’t see anything else besides the walls of his temporary habitation.
After almost a two hour drive the estate came into view. The place was idyllic and beautiful farmland that pastured horses and grew wine. Michael looked around, fascinated by what he was seeing.
”It’s beautiful here,” he breathed. ”Can we go riding as well?” he asked excitedly and glanced at the man who smiled mysteriously.
”Would you like that?” Ricky asked once the car parked and Michael nodded.
”My grandparents have a farm in Ireland with horses. I’ve ridden since childhood.”
”Really?” Ricky asked and grinned before opening the car door and stepping out. Michael followed the sample, the quiet, hard-faced driver took their bags from the trunk. Michael thanked him in Spanish and smiled, the man only glanced at him expressionlessly before turning to Ricky.
”Will this be all, Sir?”
Ricky nodded, took his wallet and paid the man. ”Thank you, I’ll contact you later,” he said keeping his eyes on the boy who gazed towards the horses in the pasture already taking few steps closer.
The driver returned to his car and started the engine. The front door of the house opened almost at that exact moment. Ricky looked at his friend and grinned as he was approaching. Michael glanced behind him at the car that drove away.
”Michael,” he heard Ricky calling and turned his smiling face to him.
Next to Ricky stood another middle-aged man, who was tall, tanned, slightly over-weight, with a mustache. They were both looking at him and the other whispered something to Ricky when Michael stepped closer.
”This is my friend George, he owns this farm, and George, this is Michael the one I told you about.”
Michael held out his hand politely and the man’s sweaty palm took it. George smiled, looking at him in a way that suddenly made Michael feel insecure.
”It’s really beautiful here,” Michael said trying to shake off his insecurity. ”Do you own lots of horses?”
”Around twenty,” George replied. ”I hope you will like it here,” he added. ”Well, I am sure you are both exhausted after the long journey, perhaps you would like to wash? We can then have dinner together.”
”Thank you.” Michael nodded and was about to take his bag.
”My servant will take care of it,” George said. ”Follow me.”
Ricky stepped by his side and lowered his hand on his lower back as they approached the house. Michael looked at him and the man smiled.
”Hector!” George called when nearing the door and soon a tall, lanky Mexican man appeared from the door, whose eyes splayed slightly. ”Bring my guests bags inside,” George said and the man nodded, grinning wildly as Michael’s gaze met with his own, revealing his crooked teeth.
The man walked towards the bags, limping as he went. ”Hector is a little simple, if you understand what I mean, but a good servant nonetheless. He doesn’t talk much.” George laughed and opened the door to them.
”An ideal servant then.” Ricky grinned and allowed Michael to step in before him. ”You’ve made everything ready?” he asked his friend.
”Yes, right this way.” The man took them through the hallway to a staircase that lead downstairs. ”This way.” George grinned at the boy who now walked between them. Michael glanced back at Ricky who smiled.
”Just go ahead, dear,” he said and so Michael followed George downstairs. At the end of the stairs was a door that George opened and stepped in before him.
Michael followed. They stood in a bedroom that had one double bed, a writing desk, bookshelves and a TV. There were gold-framed mirrors, and the colors were dark. There was only one small window in the high-roofed room, starting from the ceiling just above the ground.
”Bathroom is here.” George smiled and urged Michael to follow. The boy did, peeking in. The bathroom wasn’t big, but it contained everything that one needed: bathtub, toilet and a sink, this room also had dark colors that made it look smaller than it was.
”You properly would like to wash first, here’s a towel and in the meanwhile I’ll show my friend the other bathroom so we’ll leave you alone for awhile. Dinner will be ready soon.”
Michael nodded, the two men smiled and closed the door as they went. He yawned then, the flight had been long and the tension and nervousness had build up for several days. He had slept a little on the plane, but figured that his sleepiness was most of all due to stress. He circled the room, undressing slowly, then he folded his clothes neatly on the bed and wrapped a towel around his waist before walking into the bathroom.
It felt odd to be at the house, Michael thought while washing himself. The whole thing felt odd and surreal somehow. He almost laughed when thinking of what he had in fact done. He was amused, frightened and excited all of the same time. What would happen now? The man would probably want to take their relationship to the next level. So far Ricky had been gentle and considerate, bringing him pleasure and not pressuring. Truth be told, Michael dreaded the idea of the first time. He had dreamed of it long, but in his dreams it had happened with Tony and his feelings for his friend hadn’t died. Love couldn’t be buried that easily, not when it had lasted so long. Not even knowing that it had been one-sided dispirited it, only brought more pain.
Thinking of Tony surfaced the fear because it made Michael think of the whole situation that he was in and why he had chosen this road. In his heart he knew that he didn’t love Ricky, didn’t even believe that this relationship would last for a long time. How could it? The man was twice his age! Suddenly Michael felt terrible, his heart beating madly, had he done a bad choice after all? Did he knew what he was getting himself into? Doubt was gnawing his mind and it grew with force. Michael suddenly felt sick.
He got up from the bathtub, drying himself and trying to calm down. This wasn’t the first time since leaving home that he had felt the stab of insecurity. Everything would work out, he had to trust it. Michael stepped into the bedroom and walked towards the bed where he had left his clothes, only to find that they were gone. Well, they had been sweaty, perhaps they had been taken to wash? Michael wondered looking around and searching for the bags believing that they would have been brought to the room, but there was no sight of them.
The boy wrapped the towel tighter around his waist and walked to the door intending on finding Ricky, the door however was locked. Michael tried the handle a couple of times not wanting to believe the pointlessness of it at first. Perhaps it had locked accidentally? he wondered.
”Ricky?” he called, knocking at the door a few times. Silence. He called the man again, knocking harder, and he waited but no one came.
The boy swallowed heavily, felt his heartbeat speed up and for a moment he lowered his hand on his stomach. ”Calm down, he’ll be here soon,” he whispered to himself.
Of course the man would come for him, he didn’t know how to move around in the house yet after all. He didn’t even have clothes. Ricky would be there soon; Michael kept reassuring himself and walked around the room helplessly before he sat down on the bed to wait.
There wasn’t any clock in the room, but Michael was certain that he had waited for several minutes already. He glanced at the small window way up high; the sun was shining, someone would arrive soon. His anxiety grew and Michael began to count the minutes in his head, when he got to five he concluded that he had already waited at least half an hour. He really started to assimilate that everything wasn’t the way that it should.
He stood up, walked again to the door, calling the man’s name and knocking. The desperation grew he yanked he door unavailingly, didn’t want to start crying, still wanted to believe that there was a logical explanation to all of this, but what could it be?
Dusk began to set. Michael wandered around in the room, looking at the window that was simply too high in order for one to climb out from there. Even if he would move the table beneath the window, it was still too high and too small making it impossible. Michael wiped the tears from underneath his eyes, not knowing was the worst. He had no idea why he was locked into that room and what would happen.
He searched every corner and finally noticed that there were couple of cameras planted near the ceiling opposite side from the window. When you looked quickly you easily missed them, because they were carefully planted next to paintings making them almost look like a part of them. Michael froze, what was going on?
Ricky brought his glass up to his lips and grinned. ”It took him long time to notice,” he said to his friend, eyes fixed on the TV screen.
”Poor boy,” George said with amusement and filled his own empty glass. ”Want some more?” he asked Ricky who nodded and brought his glass closer, keeping his eyes on the TV screen. He smiled with ferocious pleasure that he got from the boy’s increasing distress. Michael paced around the room, looking for a way out that didn’t exist. Ricky saw him glancing towards the window.
’What do you think, how long will it take until he tries to open it?” he asked as George sat beside him and leaned forward to take some snacks from the nearby table.
”How long do you intend to keep him alone there?” the other man asked and Ricky thought about it for a moment, twirling the glass in his hands.
”I’m tired, the flight was long… Tomorrow, after I’m rested, I’ll go to him.” he answered and again he brought the glass to his lips. ”This is one of my favorite moments, watching as the panic starts to set. Not knowing what will happen next, lets give him time to ponder about it.” Ricky grinned.
”Is he still untouched?” George asked and Ricky nodded.
”Tomorrow I’ll repay my patience,” he answered and was quiet for a moment. ”You should later board that window, in case of curious guests.”
”How long will you keep him here?” George asked.
”As long as necessary, until I am certain that I’ve broken him to my will.” Ricky smiled. ”I’ve been looking for someone like him for a long time.”
”Should he be brought something to eat?” George wondered and Ricky was quiet for a moment.
”He won’t starve, let him eat in the morning,” he replied, getting sick satisfaction from the boys growing suffering; he was completely at his mercy, just like Ricky had wanted the whole time. That sense of power was difficult to describe.
His stomach ached, he was hungry, his head hurt and fear kept growing.
Michael laid on the bed, trembling, the morning dawned and no one had visited the room yet. What if Ricky’s friend was behind everything? What if something had happened to Ricky? If George didn’t let the man come to him? The man had looked at him so strangely after all…
Ricky would arrive, everything would have been a mistake and they could continue their way to the States; Michael wanted to keep believing in that, hope was all he had now.
The exhaustion made him doze off, the hunger kept the dream weak and after awhile he was startled awake by the sounds. The door opened slightly and Michael tried to get up, groggily, fumbling. He saw a glimpse of George’s servant who pushed the tray into the room and closed the door almost immediately after.
”Wait!” Michael called with a weak, raspy voice. After getting to the door and finding it still locked, he leaned heavily against it feeling disappointment mixing with fear that bounded in his chest. ”Let me out!… Ricky!” he screamed and for a moment he hit the door with his fists, screaming and moaning until he had no strength to spare.
The boy fell on his knees onto the floor, looking at the tray that had fruits, bread and water. He wiped the tears from his eyes, thought for a moment before reaching to take an apple. The floor was cool and the house seemed quiet. Michael glanced towards the window, ate the piece of the fruit carefully, he was hungry but the fear slowed down his eating. He brought his gaze to the cameras near the ceiling, saw the light and the movement that told him that they were on.
It was a trap. Someone was filming him, observing, everything had been planned. Michael lowered the half-eaten apple down, he couldn’t eat, his imagination ran wild. What would happen now? He still sat on the floor wearing nothing but the towel wrapped around his waist, he brought his arms around his knees and wept. He wanted to go home to his mother, wanted to see his mother who would tell him that everything was alright. For a moment he stayed like that; rocking himself and crying quietly.
This didn’t happen; he thought finally. It had to be a joke! Everything had a reasonable explanation and everything would be fine. Ricky would come back soon and explain the situation and they would laugh together and go to New York like planned! Michael brought his gaze up, tried to calm down and think sensibly.
Everything world work out! he decided, and wiped his eyes. He reached to take a piece of bread. He ate slowly, small bites and kept telling himself over and over that everything had a reasonable explanation and this didn’t happen, not to him.
Minutes went by and crushing despair beat out hope, he lowered the partly eaten bread down and stood up. Once again he tried the door; useless. Why? Why was he locked here? What had he done and where was Ricky?
Perhaps George was a murderer? Perhaps he had murdered Ricky and soon would be his turn? Michael trembled and walked towards the window. He thought for a moment before pushing the table under the window, climbed on top of it and craned his neck to see. His fingers reached to the thin frame, he saw grass and sand and… Michael brought himself up on his toes trying to gain more height in order to get the stiff window open; it was useless. He cried out exhaustively and wept, but only a little, he had to manage to find another podium. The window was narrow, but maybe he’d manage? He had to believe it.
Ricky had slept exceptionally well that night. He got himself a cup of coffee and returned to the screen to observe the boy. He was sleeping on the bed and Ricky grinned; soon, very soon…
”George!” he called. ”Ask your servant to bring the boy something to eat,” he said when his friend had stepped into the room.
”Alright.” George nodded.
”But hurry, just the tray inside and then tell him to quickly lock the door,” Ricky commanded and George complied; even his friends knew his authority ran over theirs and it felt great.
Ricky brought the cup back to his lips and drank, he observed his new slave, this creature was a true find, this beauty so familiar and long sought. Now it was his again and this time it wouldn’t run from him too soon.
Finally, as the boy fell to the desperate attempt to escape from the window, Ricky got up, lowered his cup on the table and smiled; it was time.
Michael sighed frustrated and exhausted; there was no way out. He looked wistfully at the small window towards freedom, which was still out of his reach. Slowly he climbed back down, was he really trapped?
Finally he heard steps from the stairway and slowly turned to the door, for a moment he didn’t dare to breathe. The key turned inside the lock and Michael couldn’t do anything else than stand still unsure what would happen next.
Ricky stepped in and smiled as though there was nothing peculiar about the situation. Michael stared at the man with confusion. ”Good morning sweetheart, did you sleep well?” the man asked closing the door behind him.
”W-what is this?” Michael asked. ”Why was I locked in here?” He felt foolish, unprotected, wrapping his arms around his chest he backed off when the man drew nearer.
”What do you think?” Ricky asked amused, approaching the youth with slow steps. The boy was seemingly confused, frightened like a cornered animal.
”I w-want o-out…” Michael spluttered backing off, the fear grew, the man wasn’t normal, the situation wasn’t normal.
”Out? Why? Out where?” Ricky asked and tilted his head, still approaching, scheming, driving the boy towards the corner near the bed.
”I-I want back home… I want home,” Michael wailed, backing off, the wall was near and the man so close. He knew that he wouldn’t want Ricky to touch himself, knew with his whole being the nearing evil. The man’s eyes were dark, almost black now, cold and heartless. Michael pressed against the wall, was trapped between the bed and the wall.
”Home? But you wanted to move with me to New York? Right? To live with me and serve me, isn’t that so?”
”No…” Michael felt the tears in his eyes. ”I want home!”
”It’s too late now, darling.” Ricky smiled.
”Don’t come any closer!” Michael cried out and Ricky laughed coldly and approached despite the words.
When Michael tried to charge past him, he grasped the boy and slammed back against the wall, he tore the towel from him and brought his hand on the boy’s chin squeezing while his thigh pressed between the boys legs, his other hand locked Michael’s hands behind his back. Ricky smiled as the boy sobbed helplessly.
”You want to know what happens now?” Ricky asked and squeezed the boy so hard that he screamed from pain. The man felt his breath hitch, the lust grew making his cock harden. ”You’ll be my new experiment, I own you now and you’ll do everything that I say… I call the shots and you obey.”
Michael looked at the man in terror; he was insane! How could he have been this blind? This couldn’t be real!
”Let me go!” Michael wailed, trying to free himself, to no avail. The man laughed and pressed closer, making Michael feel his erection against him. Michael screamed in tears, he struggled without being able to free himself from the tight hold. The man was massaging himself against him, licking the tears from his face; the boy trembled from disgust.
”The less you want it, the more you fight against it, the more it turns me on…” The man breathed in his ear making Michael feel sick. Michael felt like throwing up and his instinct kept him struggling. He screamed and cried when the man finally pushed him down on the bed. He flung his arms and legs trying to free himself, he scratched the man who only seemed to laugh at the situation.
”That’s right dear, fight, fight!” The man chuckled, held Michael down while undressing himself.
Everything was foggy, Michael’s ears were humming, he kicked, acting only on instinct, not completely understanding. Ricky slapped him hard across the face, whispering the disgusting things that he planned to perform and at some point Michael felt like watching the situation from the outside and the body that was being attacked and was stubbornly struggling would have belonged to someone else.
They were both naked, Ricky on top of him, lubed, groaning, panting. Terrible and unreal, Michael laid on his stomach, stared at the dark wall in front of him with terror, it felt like the bones in his wrists could break from the power of the hold and still that pain was forgotten as soon as the greater one stabbed him. It moved through him like a sharp wave and caused him to snivel in a voice he had never heard leaving his lips before. His eyes blurred, he felt sick and Michael could only pray that the pain would end soon.
Finally the man got off him after gaining his satisfaction. Michael laid still, he didn’t dare to move and he was trembling all over. He wanted to believe that what had happened wasn’t real at all, it wasn’t and he wasn’t here but someplace else. This had to be a nightmare, because it was so insane! He couldn’t describe the pain with words.
Suddenly he felt a painful grip in his hair, the man brought his head up, kneeling naked in front of the bed, the grin on the man’s face was inhuman and cruel. ”It felt just as good as I had imagined it would,” Ricky whispered. ”You’ll make an excellent whore, my dear.”
Michael couldn’t find words, or his voice, he cried in agony, this couldn’t be real! He hardly noticed the moment when Ricky had walked to the door and opened it. Only when the man called his friend to come downstairs, Michael fully awoke and tried to move clumsily.
Steps from the stairway, the men laughed, the room seemed to spin. Blurry and unreal.
”You need to practice, dear,” Ricky stated with amused tone when the other man caught him. It started all over and finally Michael’s mind gave up knocking his conscious out, and the following day he couldn’t have said everything that had been done to him.
He had entered a nightmare and didn’t know how to wake from it.
When Michael startled awake, he was alone in the room, laying on the bed, on the stained sheets, pain all over his poor abused body. He turned his head carefully to the side, towards the cameras high up on the wall and he felt tears in his eyes. This pain couldn’t be compared to anything, he felt himself trembling all over and forced himself to lift himself up onto his feet.
He limped towards the bathroom without stopping to look at his image from the mirror. He worked like a robot; had to wash, to act, not think and still…
Michael brought his forehead against the cold tiles.
Could he ever regain his freedom back now? he wondered and though he wanted to hope that he could, he knew that he was trapped. The men would come back, they would rape him again, he had ended up as a play-toy in a sick, twisted game and he didn’t know if he’d ever be free. He thought about his parents and Tony and broke down in desperate tears realizing that he might never see them again.
For a moment Michael stayed under the warm spray, his chest juddered as he was gasping for breath, tears still rolling down his face. He examined his hands, the skin of his wrists was red, bruises had begun to form on his arm. He allowed his gaze to move down on his body and uttered a moan when he saw all his bruising, his thighs felt sore and they were bruising as well. Inside he felt burning pain and Michael didn’t know how he could take it if they’d rape him again.
Michael swallowed, looking around; he didn’t want to believe that life had brought him here. He closed his eyes, felt the water spraying around him. A slave? Was it really what he was forced to be now? He had placed his whole life into the man’s hands and now regretted it bitterly. He had so many dreams and now all of them were about to break in to pieces in front of him. The man had called him a whore and intended to train him for it, the thought raised a bitter and painful moan. He didn’t want it! He didn’t want their disgusting touch! He had only wanted love and now…. After this, even if he could escape, who would want him now?
He regretted his foolishness. How stupid had he been for thinking that he had seen the bottom when everyone in school had found out! Now he had fallen several meters down further, to the rock bottom and the walls around him were too steep to climb up alone. Grandmother had been right, he should have listened. Why hadn’t he?
Finally he dried himself with a fresh towel that had been left for him, his only protection to cover up his nudity. He returned to the bedroom, thought for a moment before slowly walking to the door to try the handle. Of course he had known it would be locked, but still he felt disappointed. He was hungry, he felt his stomach aching and the hunger and pain combined made him dizzy. Sighing heavily, the boy lowered himself onto the floor, laying down on his side, curling up, hurt too much to sit upright. He looked towards the window wistfully, tears in his eyes.
Waiting was the worst, he didn’t know how long he’d be alone until someone would come, either to bring him food or… Michael swallowed, he felt cold and uncomfortable, his hand stroked the cold floor and he looked around finding nothing to aid himself with. Time went by and Michael stayed where he was. Finally he heard the steps and became alerted, he got up, his body trembling from anxiety as he slowly got up on his knees.
Klonck, Klonck, klonck; the steps were slow, but loud.
The door opened slightly, Michael saw a glimpse of the lanky servant and crawled quickly towards the door.
”Señor por favor, ayuda me por favour,” he prayed in Spanish as the man lowered the tray on the floor looking confused. Michael grasped the man’s trouser leg. ”Por favour, ayuda me!” he cried.
”Yo estoy apesadumbrado…yo estoy apesadumbrado, que no puedo,” the servant spluttered fearfully and feeling alarmed he kicked, which made Michael’s hold loosen and the man could lock the door again.
Michael brought his forehead against the door and sobbed. No one would help him, he was alone and didn’t know how to free himself. He listened to the quick steps from the stairway, the man was gone.
He looked at the tray, wiped his eyes and crawled to it. He ate slowly, he ate to survive. Time kept running and no one came. From the small window he could see the day changing into night. He circled the room, mostly sat or lay still and waited, prayed, regretted.
Time went by, silence, it was too quiet, there wasn’t any food for several hours. Finally he got himself a book and started to read, he fell asleep with the book in his hands.
In the morning he woke up to the sound of hammering. He looked towards the window, seeing the only sight of freedom slowly covered behind the boards, taking the last means of having any sense of time away from him. It felt difficult to breath; it was almost like being buried alive. This was his prison, he’d be forgotten and he’d die; the thought was terrible. Perhaps he would starve to death? Perhaps the door would be boarded shut as well? Endless horrific scenarios, each worse than the next, glimpses of hope and dreams of being saved. During those uncertain moments, Michael prayed to God more than ever before. His fate seemed to be the only thing he had anymore.
Even the short period felt like forever when all sense of time was gone. The hunger grew stronger, the room felt smaller and smaller by the minute. The cameras were following, Michael pondered how many pairs of eyes were watching him through them. Were there cameras even in the bathroom? The anxiety grew, the room was so terribly dark in its colors. He paced back and worth, like a wild animal who had been caught in a too small cage.
At times he banged the door and screamed until his voice ran out, until he fell exhaustively on his knees. ”You’ll survive this, don’t give up!” he kept telling himself over and over, rocking himself back and worth wanting to find comfort. He had to survive!
If someone would have told him the actual time that he had spent alone, Michael would have told them that they were lying, for it had to be longer.
Ricky knew what he was doing, he wanted to confuse the boy’s mind in order to break him to his will, so that even when he would finally be rewarded with certain liberties; moving alone outside, he’d be too scared to run away.
This game was a new one even for Ricky, but he intended to succeed in it, he wanted a slave for himself, a slave that he could explore and molest sexually anyway he’d like, anyway that his twisted mind could come up with. It would have been easy to just take some kid from the streets, like his friend had done, but Ricky always wanted to be one step ahead to prove himself better. It was a twist of fate that he had arrived in that town just as Michael happened to arrive in that pub, that the boy reminded him a remarkable lot of the boy who had been the first to experience his friendly evilness, heartlessness that had been the reason behind his early death.
Evan, his friend who had died young, haunted Ricky’s mind often. Not because he would have felt regret towards what he had done, his mind was far too dark for that, but because Evan had been the first boy that he had felt that mad lust for. Evan had taken his own life, but he had done it only because he saw no other way of freeing himself from the insanity of his childhood friend. Ricky had thought the act foolish, the only thing that he regretted, was that he hadn’t gotten the chance to play with Evan longer. The boy had been beautiful ever since childhood and now… Michael reminded him of Evan in so many ways. Ricky had always had an eye for beauty and this time he wanted to keep his beautiful, young toy longer.
He looked at his victim through the screen without getting bored. He almost chuckled when the boy begged for help from the dim-witted servant. Finally he told his friend to board the window shut in order to make the boys prison even more suffocating. George listened as he always did, Ricky wasn’t the kind of person you’d go against when you had learned to know him. George had often thought that Ricky had no conscience and now he felt so even more. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he had begun to feel pity towards the captive boy. The boy’s dazzling beauty affected him differently than it did to Ricky, whereas Ricky wanted to see more tears, George had begun to ponder what it would be like to make him to smile, be the person to offer small measurement of comfort. Ricky would be beside himself if he knew his thoughts and so George kept silent.
After keeping his prisoner in oblivion and low nutrition for a few days, Ricky finally decided to go to him. He smiled as he stepped into the room and watched as the boy moved panicky off the bed. Fumblingly, Michael got up and backed to the corner.
”Don’t touch me!” the boy whimpered when the man got nearer. ”I can’t! No more! I want to get out, let me go!” he screamed and made Ricky’s grin grow.
”It’s not an option, sweetheart,” he said and came closer, the boy was sobbing and moaning in fear, chased into a corner. Ricky pressed closer, sniffing the youth’s neck. ”You smell intoxicating,” he whispered, tearing the towel away from him, groping him all over, tasting his skin with his lips and tongue. The boy whimpered when Ricky turned him harshly around, as he hastily spread the lube and finally forced himself inside the boy. He brought his sweaty palm against the boy’s mouth, pushing his fingers inside his mouth and warning him not to bite, but the boy was too panicky from what was happening to think clearly and did end up biting the fingers just wanting the assault to end. Ricky roared from fury and banged the boy’s forehead against the wall while continuing his violent act.
Michael felt dizzy, he would have fallen over if the hold had not been so tight, it happened and finally it was over, leaving disgusting pain behind. He fell on his knees on the floor and heard the man’s steps echoing further away from the room and the door banged closed after him, leaving Michael alone once more.
His head ached, he fell, supporting himself with his hands he felt his body quivering from pain and nausea. The man’s seed was running on his thighs and it made him almost vomit, nothing did come out though. Cold sweat broke on his skin and Michael kept his eyes shut tightly, forcing himself not to think what had happened, trying to force it out of his mind. Finally, after several minutes, he was able to bring himself up on his feet and force himself to move into the bathroom to wash.
Everything was hazy. How many days had it been? Michael wondered washing himself.
He could feel the water on his skin, leaned to the wall and silently praying. He tried to focus, bringing all his thoughts into his fate. He had been brought up in a religious home, his parents had never been too strict, but religion had always been there. His own fate however, didn’t base so much on the Bible, which he believed only to be written by people and whose message could have been twisted after several translations. Time had also done its duty; one should consider how much the world had changed since then. The God that Michael believed in was forgiving and tolerant, he couldn’t believe that God would judge love in any form. This was an evil place, this God would condemn and Michael could only hope that his prayer would be heard among the several others.
Michael startled when the bathroom door opened and he brought his gaze into Ricky’s sneering face. The exhausted youth cried out. Why now, already? He had only just left!
”Don’t! I can’t! I can’t!” Michael screamed, backing off in the bathtub. The man smiled, got closer, and he closed the water tab, then took a towel which he wrapped on Michael before lifting him up. Michael squirmed and moaned in fright as the man carried him back to the bed. The sheets had been changed, there were shackles attached at the bed ends. Ricky didn’t say anything, forced him on his back and locked the leather bands on his wrists to hold him in place. Michael tried to kick, when Ricky slapped him hard and grasped his throat.
”One more kick and I’ll make you suffer for it!” the man roared. ”Will you stay still now?” he asked, tightening his hold and Michael managed a small nod. ”Good.” Ricky smiled and took a black scarf which he then used to cover his captive’s eyes.
”I’ll be back later,” he said and Michael felt him getting up off the bed, heard his steps that lead to the door and then heard it bang shut after him.
His arms ached, the position was uncomfortable and the scarf made it even more difficult to have any sense of time. Michael sobbed, shaking; the time that he spend shackled on that bed felt like forever. He was hungry and thirsty, he kept praying for a miracle to save him and yet it never arrived.
Finally he heard the steps, the door opened and closed and who ever came in approached the bed. The blindfold was lifted off. Ricky brought his hand on his face, stroking tenderly, wiping the tears with his thumb.
”Ask to pleasure me with your mouth,” Ricky told him and Michael whimpered, closed his eyes and shook his head.
”I hate you,” Michael hissed weakly. ”You are crazy!” Ricky smiled at this. ”I want to go free!”
”Well, darling, I’ll give you more time to think,” the man said and again tied the scarf on his eyes.
”I want to go free! Let me go!” Michael screamed when he heard the steps leaving the room. ”I can’t! Please!” He moaned, but the door closed once more.
The boy gasped for breath, vainly trying to yank his arms loose. The panic spread and he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly.
I’m going to die; I’m going to die here! he thought, crying and wailing in pain. No one came. He felt so hungry, the minutes went by, the hours. His body ached; Michael lay still, would it be like this? How long would he have to stay shackled on this bed? He wanted to use the bathroom, it was humiliating. ”You’ll live through this, you will, just a little more,” he whispered to himself, hoping that he would believe his own words easier if he spoke them out loud. ”You won’t break, just hang on,” he repeated quietly until he felt his breathing start to calm.
The steps were nearing once more; Michael fell silent and drew a deep breath. He knew what the man wanted and knew that Ricky wouldn’t hesitate to leave him like this for the whole day if he wouldn’t get the answer that he wanted. As the echo of the steps drew closer, Michael prepared himself to surrender, there wasn’t a way to beat this, only a way to lessen the suffering, he had to make his mind up to survive no matter the cost.
The door opened, the man got closer, and the mattress sank slightly under his weight. A moment later the blindfold was taken off. ”So how will it be, Michael? Will you give your mouth a better use than talking back?”
The boy eyed the man with disgust. ”Will you let me go then?” he asked quietly.
”If you do your job, then yes.” Ricky nodded.
”Alright,” Michael whispered.
”Good boy,” the man praised, leaning closer to open the bands and then he brought his own lips to kiss the unwilling ones.
”May I use the bathroom first?” Michael asked with voice that had submitted to his fate.
”You are welcome.” Ricky smiled cockily and Michael felt another wave of disgust run through his body when he thought about what waited for him. He got up awkwardly, his legs almost gave in underneath him, but he forced himself to stagger towards the bathroom, feeling the man’s gaze burning on his back.
”Don’t stall,” Ricky ordered when Michael closed the door to the bathroom behind him.
When Michael returned to the room, the man still sat on the bed, dark eyes following him carefully. ”Come closer,” he said and Michael forced himself to move. Every step felt heavy. ”Kneel before me,” Ricky gave another command and once again Michael forced himself to obey.
He felt weak, his body ached all over and he hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning.
”Kiss it,” Ricky said and Michael looked up insecurely, not sure whether the man wanted him to open his pants first or not, otherwise the order wasn’t unclear at all because he was on his knees in front of him. ”Do it!” Ricky snapped and brought his hand on the back of Michael’s head and pressed his head against the front of his pants.
Michael squeezed his eyes shut; the man was moaning and massaging himself against his face, until finally he opened his pants. ”Do your best, suck; if you even dare to bite me, I swear I’ll hurt you and you’ll be tied all week!”
Michael had no doubt that the threat was real. He submitted and tried his best to please the monster. It was horrible, the man pulled his hair, forced his thick organ deeper into his throat making him gag and cough, making him believe that he would choke. It was difficult to breath, his jaw was aching, throat hurting, saliva dripped down from the corners of his mouth, tears were running down.
The man was moaning, talking dirty words that made the whole thing even more horrible. Was this how it would be? Michael pondered feeling disgust raise against himself.
After hearing a groan of pleasure, the salty disgusting taste filled his mouth unexpectedly and Michael panicked for a moment. He would have wanted to throw up or spit out, but he was given no other option than to swallow. When Ricky loosened his hold, Michael stumbled back, crawled a little further away and threw up. His body juddered, sweat made his hair stick on his forehead. His throat felt like it was burning, everywhere hurt and he wanted to wake from this horrid nightmare. This had to be too horrible to be real.
”God dammit!” the man roared, grasped his hair and dragged him to the bathroom. Michael stumbled crying in agony. ”You fucking slut, you’ll learn not to throw up!”
Ricky lifted him up on the bathtub forcefully. ”Wash yourself and then you’ll going to clean up that mess you made!”
Michael sobbed, whimpering when the cold water sprayed on him suddenly. The man grinned cruelly, finally closing the tab. ”Get up, take that bucket and a rag.” He pointed.
Michael tried to get up, his head ached and he couldn’t stop crying.
”Pathetic…” Ricky sighed. ”Come on, move!” He kicked the boy down when he wasn’t moving fast enough for his liking. ”Get up!” he commanded harshly.
Michael gritted his teeth, forced himself to forget the pain for a moment and act before Ricky would get madder. He trembled all over, filling the bucket with warm water and staggered back to the bedroom where he knelt to clean his own vomit from the floor. It was humiliating to be in that vulnerable position. Naked, after those cruel things done to him, cleaning up the mess as his rapist and captor watched closely, a man whose behavior had changed with the snap of fingers.
”Good, you can take the bucket back in the bathroom and clean it,” the man said finally, calmer now. Michael obeyed, he saw no other option.
”Come here,” Ricky said when Michael returned.
The man pointed at the corner beside the bed. ”Kneel,” he ordered when Michael got to the spot. The boy swallowed his tears silently. The man poured a glass of water from the water can left on the table and then gave it to him. ”Drink,” he said and Michael brought the glass on his lips, relieved.
His throat was hoarse and tender from screaming, from the violence of being raped and then vomiting. When he had emptied the glass, Ricky took it forcefully back.
”W-why are you doing this?” Michael asked tearfully, bringing his gaze back up to the man who smiled at his question looking down on him, standing before him.
”Because I enjoy it,” the man replied bemusedly.
”M-my parents will find me…” Michael whispered trembling. ”T-they look for me…” At this the man laughed.
”Why should they care?” Ricky asked. ”They are happy to rid of you.” He smiled and roughly grasped the boy’s chin, bringing his gaze up to him. ”Besides, I’ve covered your tracks well. Michael Wills has gone missing and you my dear are now my nephew.”
”You are sick!” Michael breathed and the man still continued to grin, stroking his face.
”It will be easier to just accept your fate, darling, you belong to me now.”
The man moved his hand on his neck and Michael trembled, feeling as the fingers stroked his skin. ”Your life is mine, it would be a shame if an accident should happen… But sometimes they do happen, sometimes, when I’m not being obeyed, when I’m being rebelled against, I lose my temper completely. You don’t want to see that, sweet one, so listen carefully; do as I say, when I am pleased you will be rewarded, when you do poorly, you’ll be punished. If you want to get out of this room, if you want to get to New York and get moving space you have to pass this test. I’ll decide when you are ready. You can give up on your illusion that you’ll ever get free. The easiest thing is for you to submit. I know lots of people. I have lots of contacts. If you disobey, if you try to run; someone will always get you and you’ll be returned to me. There is no escape, Michael.”
Michael didn’t know what to do or say, he felt so utterly helpless and missed his home. For a moment he gazed into the man’s dark eyes, seeing only cruelty in them. The man was strong and experienced and Michael was too confused to know what was real anymore. Perhaps his parents didn’t miss him? Doubt was gnawing his mind. Who did he really have at home, when the only person who had accepted and loved him completely, was dead. What did anything matter anymore? Might as well die?
Still, this thought scared him slightly, death scared him and there was still his stubborn will to live, providing a glimmer of hope that if he only held on, then sooner or later he could wake from this terrible dream.
”The test begins,” Ricky said as he brought his hand to the teenager’s cheek, who had his gaze lowered on the floor, sorrowful brown eyes still filled with tears. ”Stay exactly where you are, on your knees until I come back. If you succeed you’ll get something to eat, if you fail, then you don’t. The cameras will record everything.”
Ricky grinned and lowered his hand as he met with the confused pleading gaze, the boy was about to say something when Ricky brought his hand up to signal silence. ”How badly do you want to eat?” he asked, laughing and then he walked to the door.
The door slammed behind the man. Michael felt dizzy, hunger knead his stomach and his knees were sore already. He squeezed his eyes closed, why was this happening to him? What had he done to deserve this? Conflicting thoughts were churning in his mind, the other half of him was agitating him to rebel, hating to submit to this for it wasn’t right! His other half reminded him the he had been dealt the lesser hand in this, urging him to hang in there and follow the orders; the punishment would be harsher for rebelling and failing.
Michael gritted his teeth, breathing deeply and counting numbers in his head as he tried to calm down and make himself think as logically as possible; he shouldn’t give in to panic, for it would only make him act foolishly.
He pondered on Ricky’s promise to get to New York if he passed this test.
Calm down Michael, think, calmly now, he kept telling himself, forcing himself to forget the pain and horridness that he had already been through. He focused on breathing and thinking of his grandmother and her love. It gave him strength.
Even if I give up now, it can only be make-believe. I can’t win against him in a physical battle. What does this monster want? He wants me to break, he wants to break me, make me obedient.
Michael concentrated, gritted his teeth and focused on looking at the situation as distantly as he could. I can let him do that or I can try to win by making him believe that he’s won. It’s the only way to survive. He has already taken my body but he can never have my mind!’
From this thought he felt like he was getting enormous strength and almost smiled. For a moment he felt an odd sense of tranquility settle inside of him. You can never have my mind, you can never have my soul, he repeated to himself over and over to ensure a firm base to his decision. I have to make up my mind to survive, the only other option is to die.
And when the man finally returned, Michael was still on the same spot where he had been commanded to remain, which made Ricky smile, satisfied with his own power.
”I am surprised,” he said, stepping closer. ”You succeeded, so you’ll get your reward,” he added and lowered the tray down on the table. ”Get up,” he commanded. Michael gasped, he wasn’t sure how long he would have endured that, his legs felt stiff and numb, refusing to cooperate. Grunting Michael leaned towards his arms, lowering his gaze.
”I-I can’t” he whimpered, lowering his head even more and thinking. ”I’m sorry…” he added submissively, his voice trembled which was partly calculated.
The man was quiet and Michael didn’t dare to look at him, he gambled for his own survival, gambled with the man who held better cards in his hands and the risk of losing was high. Without a word, Ricky stepped to him and lifted him up from the floor. The hold was not tender nor was it violent, it was firm and purposeful. The man guided him to sit in front of the table and pulled another chair for himself.
”Eat,” the voice commanded coldly and although Michael still didn’t dare to look at the man’s face, as he grasped his fork he knew he had succeeded in his first move and in his mind he congratulated himself telling himself to continue. He had to make up his mind to survive, no matter what. His mind and his heart could still be protected from the man’s violent touch and Michael intended to hold on to them with all his strength.
Published May 17th.2012
My Secret Shore© KOLGRIM