6.Foolish games

6. Joni’s boyfriend

The whole Sunday Joni was mostly hiding in his own room, trying to deal with his conflicting emotions. It seemed that he couldn’t get a hold of himself, he was fighting back tears, it seemed hard to breathe and… he hated feeling so weak. He wasn’t going to allow himself to cry, he wasn’t allowing that weakness or what he considered as such.

Why should he even cry? For Misha? For that bastard? No, he was not worth it.

In his mind he constantly went through every bit of what he could remember from the night before, how it had felt and… It had felt good in the end, but it had hurt at first and even now he felt slight discomfort down there… Most of all what bothered him the most was how Misha behaved that morning… Okay so he didn’t actually behave that nice either and one could say that he had started it, but in his mind he had the right to feel upset, he was after all younger and… Misha had taken advantage of the situation, hadn’t he? On the other hand, he hadn’t stopped the situation from progressing, when he understood where it was heading.

Monday didn’t find Joni in any better mood. The stupid love bites of course were still so very visible on his neck and though he wasn’t in pain anymore, his body still felt exactly what had happened.

The breakfast was an awkward affair that morning. His father was tense, glaring at the marks on his neck that Joni had no idea of how to hide, he had tried some tooth paste before going to bed, being advised to do so by one his friends and well… obviously it hadn’t helped a shit.

And his little brothers… they were snickering… whispering… obviously it was also about the said marks that threatened Joni’s peace of mind.

”I want you to come home straight after school, Joni.” His father finally spoke. Joni took a deep breath.

”Why?” He asked, not that he had had any plans to go anywhere anyway, but…He didn’t like to be told either.

”Considering what you did this weekend, you will not go out unless it’s school, or gym or some other healthy activity for this whole week.” This made Joni growl in annoyance.

”You can’t do that!” He protested. ”I’m-”

”Yes, I know, you’re 17 and I can because I am your father.”

”What did Joni do? Daddy?” One of his brothers wanted to know.

”He did something he shouldn’t have. Something that’s bad for him,” Asko explained calmly.

”Oh come on! Dad! Uuuh, you’re so fucking annoying!”

”Watch your language,” he was simply warned.

Joni stared down at his juice, trying to calm down, the yelling and bitching didn’t work, ok, he had seen this… then… what would?

”But…” He started.

”Not another word,” his father said sternly and Joni didn’t remember the last time that he had been as tense as he was now. He saw it best to stay quiet, he would think of something later, something to change his mind with.

He was cursing silently as he was getting ready for school. He wanted to turn 18 and fast because obviously being 17 sucked.

He stood in front of the mirror fixing his hair, groaning when looking at the marks. He wanted them gone! They were…ugly… and…reminded him of… Misha… And then Dima would be sure to ask questions that he wouldn’t know how to answer to and…

There was a soft knock on the door before it opened, it was Katja. Joni glared at her in the mirror.

”I thought you might like some help…” she said stepping further in. ”…with those bruises, I mean.” She continued before he could say anything and that’s when he saw the makeup bag in her hands.

”Just a little foundation, cover up, won’t hurt you.” She explained.

It wasn’t as if Joni had never had any makeup on his skin, but it was only when doing work as a model. He looked at his stepmother and nodded his head. She smiled gently at him.

”Please, sit down,” silently Joni did and allowed her to start working.

”Make up can do wonders at times,” Katja grinned at him, ”I learned it well at your age.” She continued when patting his skin with the foundation.

Joni looked at her, she confused him. He wasn’t sure why she was so nice to him now, why she had brought him food on Sunday to his room, even though he had been quite harsh to her earlier.

Their relationship had been tense from early on, at someways perhaps he had seen her as a threat. He was only 5 when his own mother had died and he remembered being scared when she had been sick, he remembered crying after her and it had been traumatising in some levels, like it had been to his father but they had survived together, and then five years later she had come along and unlike the other women, she stubbornly stayed.

”Alright, take a look,” Katja said and gave him a smile. Joni walked in front of the mirror, surprised when he didn’t see the marks anymore.

”Wow, you’re good,”

”Thank you,” Katja smiled more brightly surprised to get such a compliment from him.

Joni turned around,

”Thank you, Katja,” he told her and reached for his school bag. ”I must be off, bye!”

Maybe something could still be fixed? She wondered to herself as she watched him go.

At school Joni was still bothered by what his father had told him, he didn’t want to be grounded for a whole week, it would be… boring.

At math class, he found it hard to concentrate. The class room was silent, everyone working quietly and he just held his pen on his notebook, once again thinking about Saturday night.

”The teacher is looking at you,” someone whispered and woke him from his thoughts, Joni glanced at his side and found himself looking at Kasper’s smiling face, ”do you need help?” the boy asked, leaning closer looking at what he had so far. ”Ah yes, there’s your problem…” Kasper tapped his pen on the numbers.

Joni merely blinked, Kasper looked at him and smiled.

”It’s alright, everyone could have made the same mistake, let me explain how this goes…” and then the boy started to blabber on about the numbers, x and y and what not… Joni took a closer look at the other boy, he had soft brown hair, hazel eyes that had some dark eyeliner, piercing on his eyebrow, a tattoo on his wrist. He wore a black band t-shirt and…. He wasn’t bad looking, not at all, just… Joni didn’t quite get him, he wasn’t sure what to make of him, if he was a bird or a fish sort of speak.

Kasper seemed to a bright student, and the first that Joni had noticed in him was the eyeliner and… that perhaps had been one thing to turn him off and now he realised that he had never really looked at him close, he wasn’t that skinny and pale, in fact… maybe it was his clothes? Joni glanced down; black jeans, with some metal chains on them and then again his face was so soft looking and… Joni looked at the boy’s somehow delicate hands…

”So, do you see now?” Kasper looked at him again, there was a hint of green in his eyes, he was grinning.

”Huh?” Joni hadn’t been paying attention to what he had said.

”Are you in a band or something?” Joni asked instead.

”Yeah, I’m in a band…or something,” Kasper smirked raising his eyebrow, ”I play the guitar.”

”And let me guess, Ville Valo is your idol?” Joni asked raising his eyebrow.

”HIM is one of my favorite bands, but not the best that there is,” Kasper answered calmly looking at him with curiosity. The truth to be told, he was kind of surprised that Joni was actually talking to him.

”And what is the best?”

”Hm… I don’t know if I can name one band above the other because I have many that I love to listen, There are many great bands from Germany, I like metal, dark and… well, harsh music, I guess you could say.” He grinned.

Joni nodded. ”What are you doing after school?” He asked then,

”Me?” Again Kasper felt surprised, his hopes woke up.


”Well… I don’t really have plans…” he answered hesitantly, though he had had plans, but he wouldn’t hesitate to cancel them if Joni would…

”Would you like to come over at our house then?” Joni asked.

”S-sure, yeah” Kasper nodded his head.

”Good, meet you at three then, by the front entrance.” Joni smiled and concentrated back on his school work. If his dad would believe that Kasper was his boyfriend, thus the guy he had been with on Saturday, then maybe he the so called ’house arrest’ would be canceled? He smiled to his perfect plan, paying no attention to the dreamy looks that Kasper gave in his direction.

”My family most likely thinks that you’re my boyfriend, but you don’t mind, right?” Joni asked before opening the front door to his house.

”Um, no, I don’t mind,” Kasper smiled, again feeling more than surprised. The guy who he had been obsessed about for months, the guy of his wet dreams asked if if he would MIND that he would be mistaken for his boyfriend!? How could he mind when it was what he wanted?

Joni could see his father’s surprise when he walked into hall to find him there with Kasper.

”You didn’t say that I couldn’t bring anyone home with me,” Joni smiled innocently while taking of his jacket. Asko drifted his gaze to Joni’s friend.

”Hi, Mr. Lehto, I’m Kasper, nice to meet you,” the boy offered his hand to him and with surprise he took it.

”Hello, nice to meet you too?” He didn’t sound so sure, he looked at the boys face and then his clothing. ”You’re… Joni’s boyfriend?” He asked hesitantly.

”Yes, he is. Now we’re going to my room to do our homework.” Joni smiled, taking Kasper’s hand and leading him upstairs.

”Supper’s ready in half an hour!” Asko shouted after them, not quite sure if he liked this turn of events or not, on the other hand, he should be pleased that Joni actually had a boyfriend and not… But the boy… he somehow didn’t strike him as someone that his son would date and… hadn’t Joni been quite upset just yesterday? ”And leave the door open!” He added, already sure that he would be ignored.

Joni closed the door after they were in, left his school bag on the floor and throwing himself on his bed, he yawned.

”Gods I’m so tired…”

Kasper, who still stood near the door, looked at him from across the room. Joni’s eyes were close and his hand rested on his forehead, while the other lay against his stomach. Kasper swallowed hard, unsure what he should do… what he wanted to do and what would be proper, were two different things. He approached the bed slowly.

”Um, I got the feeling that your dad didn’t like me much…” He started, Joni cracked his eyes open, and grinned at him. He moved his legs to give Kasper some room to sit down.

”That’s because he thinks that you fucked me on Saturday,” he explained, smirking still, looking closely to see Kasper’s reaction.

”O-oh?” Kasper sat down, his expression revealing his surprise. ”W-why?”

”Because… I was… by someone.” Kasper tilted his head, looking at him closely.

”By who?” He asked then, wondering if Joni was just playing with him. Part of him knew what the answer was, part of him knew that Joni was going to use him for his own purpose, the other part was willing to accept it and play along, after all he could get what he wanted from it.

”It’s not important.” Joni replied looking him in his eyes in a playful way.

”Is he not?” Kasper asked and slowly brought his hand on Joni’s thigh. ”Did you know him from before?” He asked,

”Maybe… but… I don’t care to know him in the future,” Joni took Kasper’s hand that was resting on his thigh and pulled him closer, to lie on top of him. ”Why do you use liner in your eyes?” He asked.

”Do you not like me wearing it?” Kasper asked, raising his eyebrow. Joni rolled them over so that he was on top, then he looked at the others face.

”No,” he told him honestly, ”I don’t like it when guys use make up.”

”But… don’t you use it too, you’re a model right?” Kasper grinned under him.

”Yes, but it’s work and it’s different, I wouldn’t use it in everyday life and you are… Besides,” Joni smiled, ”you have pretty eyes, and I think they’d be prettier without it.”

”You think so?”

”Yes… definitely.” Joni nodded, looking at Kasper’s lips, Misha’s lips were fuller, more kissable and… NO! He was not thinking of Misha! Joni closed the distance and kissed the boy beneath him. He closed his eyes, felt him responding, felt as Kasper’s hands were roaming all over his body. He made odd kissing sounds, the kiss was wet, oddly wet and his tongue… it felt sloppy and somehow cold, and he tasted like mints… Joni had to stop, but yet he forced himself to smile. He wanted to say that he tasted sweet, or that the kiss made him hot, but… it was just too much for him to lie.

Kasper on the other hand brought his hand in his hair, smiling in haze.

”You taste good…” he whispered and Joni was thankful that at least one of them was feeling something. He wanted to feel something for Kasper, anything, even lust! But he didn’t, the kiss simply left him cold… He didn’t understand it; there he was, laying on top of a cute enough guy who obviously wanted him and he should feel even the least bit of excitement, but he didn’t and it bothered him. ”Is this your natural hair color?” Kasper continued, still playing with his hair.

”Yes, it is.” Joni smiled and kissed Kasper’s lips but briefly.

”Are you… completely Finnish or…?” Joni raised his eyebrow. ”I just thought, your hair is so beautiful dark brown, I haven’t seen as beautiful natural color before and your eyes-” Kasper looked at him with admiration. Joni’s eyes were warm brown, hint of gold or honey, framed by long, dark eyelashes that meny woman would have been insanely jealous of. ”Your eyes are the most beautiful brown I have ever seen.”

Joni smiled at the compliment, that he had heard many times before. ”Well, I tell you a secret…” Joni grinned at him, ”My grandad was a gypsy, his family came originally from Hungary, or who knows where before that… Anyway, who is completely something?”

Kasper reached out to kiss him again, more hungrily this time.

”Mmmm….this just makes you more sexy…” he murmured some where between the wet and sloppy kisses, that Joni still tried his best to enjoy.

Then there was a knock on the door. Joni almost jumped off of Kasper. The door opened and his father peaked in, clearing his throat when seeing the other boy on the bed and his own son standing next to it.

”Yes dad?”

”Supper’s ready…”

”So, Kasper? You’re the same age as Joni?” His dad guestioned when the whole family were seated down.

”Well, actually I’m already 18, and turning 19 in January. I spent my first year in Miami, as an exchange student, so, that’s why I’m still on my second year in senior high school.” Joni looked at Kasper with surprise, why didn’t he know this? Kasper was older than him? That was just unfair.

”And what do your parents do for living?”

”My mother is a doctor and my father is lawyer.” This also came as a surprise to Joni, he really didn’t know anything about him.

”A doctor and a lawyer, I see” Joni gave an amused look to his father who seemed really impressed, he was smiling now. ”And have you already decided what you want to do with your life?”

”Well, probably, as soon as I get over from the fact that most critics think that the band I’m in and the music that we play, is crap,” Kasper chuckled, ”I go to law school, to become a lawyer like my father.”

”Maybe you can help my son with deciding what he wants, this modeling isn’t by any means a long term career.” Asko gave him a look and Joni glared at him in return, putting his fork down. Great, now his father was like Kasper’s new best friend.

”I’m only 17, and I don’t see what’s so bad in modeling.” He groaned, ”I don’t have to know yet what I want to be.”

”I think Joni has a great chance to success,” Kasper spoke out, smiling at him, ”if he so wants, but in order for a great success, sadly, I think he’d have to go to some bigger country and city and… I for one would be sad to see him go.”

Joni felt a bit uncomfortable, here he was having dinner with his family and a boy who was pretending to be his boyfriend, boy who he didn’t even know, but who seemed to… have some feelings for him already and… He slowly continued to eat.

”Leaving is not an option.” His father nodded and then looked at him. ”In long term it wouldn’t make you happy, Joni, so you should think of something more suitable, more sensible. Posing in front of the camera isn’t what I call sensible. I know you have the brains for more than that, if only you would concentrate more to your studies.”

”Thank you, father,” Joni replied a bit tightly. ”I rather not discuss about this now.” Under the table Kasper’s hand found it’s way to rest on his thigh and all that it did, was to make him feel even more edgy.

Perhaps this hadn’t been such a great idea like he had at first thought?

Misha’s week had not been the best one in his life, though the hangover had passed fast, the moral hangover was far more complicated to pass. Surprisingly Ivo, who he would have suspected to torture him with the brat talk, kept quiet. He had not mentioned Joni even with one word and it was weird.

Monday, at the uni, he talked with Mikael again and they decided to go to the club that night. Unnervingly enough, when dancing and kissing with Mikael, he just didn’t feel the same. It was almost as if… his body was dead, not interested. And Misha didn’t understand it, Mikael still had the same great ass, same talented mouth, but… something was off.

They parted quite early and Misha didn’t’ even mention anything about another meeting, although he could see that Mikael had been expecting it and it made him feel guilty. But it would be the most stupid thing, trying to date when… not feeling the heat that he had felt previously.

When he returned home and lay in his bed, the darkness of the room surrounding him, trying to fall asleep and not replay the Saturday night over and over in his head, the answer of what was wrong came to him. He had tried to date Mikael to forget about Joni. As if he mattered! He didn’t matter, it was just sex, just one night of sex and… Misha remembered why he hated one night stands with such passion, they sucked, they left a bitter taste and the messed up his well-ordered life! And what was he doing? Trying to get over the brat? There was NOTHING to get over, nothing. With that conclusion he turned around, slowly drifting to sleep, to dreams where he again met with a certain brunet.

A week passed and there were no signs of the brat and no one seemed to talk of him, not even Dima. Misha felt glad and yet… why couldn’t he get over the fact that no one was mentioning him?

Wednesday afternoon, in a peacefully quiet house Misha began to prepare dinner. He wasn’t able to enjoy the silence for long, since the middle of his cooking Dima came home bringing friends, his girlfriend and… who else but the freaking brat! With… surprise, surprise a friend of his own.

Dima walked into the kitchen first, his girlfriend following soon after. The brat at the doorway, with his ’friend’ giving him only a quick glance before excusing himself in the living room, the other kid with him, following like a loyal puppy.

”I wanted you to meet Eva,” Dima smiled, his arm going around the short, pretty brown haired girl next to him.

”Nice to meet you Eva,” Misha forced himself to smile. Somehow he felt… nervous… perhaps it was because he knew that most probably Dima had slept with her on the same night that he had… Well, he was not going there again! He was not going to think about him!

”Nice to meet you too, Dima’s been telling me so much about you,” Eva smiled, almost blushing, seeming… perhaps she was more nervous than him.

”Are you going to go out?” He asked, not trying to hide that he was hopeful that they were.

”No, we’re actually going to watch one film, would you like to join?” Dima asked.

”I’ve got plenty of work,” Misha replied hurriedly, there was no way he’d join their company, not with the brat and his current boyfriend! Even if he would be rotting with boredom in his own room, he was not going to join them, the brat would only think that he wanted to be with him or some other nonsense like that! ”I’ll just finish making the dinner and off I go to work!”

Ivo got home from work, he walked towards the kitchen and in the living room he saw Joni with some other kid that sat right next to him, his hand on Joni’s thigh, looking at him like some love sick puppy while Joni looked nothing but bored.

”Hello Joni,” Ivo greeted him and as soon as Joni was aware of his presence, his expression changed and he smiled.


”And who’s your friend here?”

”I’m Kasper, Joni’s boyfriend,” the other replied with certain amount of pride in his voice.

”I see, well, nice to meet you as well.” Ivo gave the couple a smile before continuing his way into the kitchen where he was introduced to Dima’s girlfriend. Pretty little thing she was, Ivo thought, but had not expected anything less from her, Dima shared his brothers’ good taste in beauty.

They left the room to join the other teens and he was left alone with Misha.

”So, Joni has a boyfriend now.” Ivo stated looking closely to see his brother’s reaction.

Misha shrugged his shoulders and gritted his teeth, hoping Ivo wouldn’t notice the latter.

”I saw him too,” he replied as flatly as he could. ”What’s the big deal?”

”Well, kind of surprising I think… Didn’t seem like his type at all.”

”It’s his decision who he wants to date,” Misha turned around, searching for the spices, a good choice of spices was what made a good dinner.

It was better that Joni hooked up with someone his own age, he thought to himself. He was stupid enough to go after someone older and the chances of him getting into trouble would be much higher…. Then he almost snarled at himself, why the hell would he care who Joni would hook up with?

”Indeed, it is his decision, but mark my words, this won’t last,” Ivo smirked at him, ”dinner ready soon? I’m getting really hungry.”

”Dinner’s ready in 30 minutes, go and … keep an eye on the kids,” Misha told him, for a moment feeling ridiculously like a mother hen and he almost burst with laughter. He was going crazy, at least he felt like that!

Ivo gave him a weird look, Misha had been behaving nothing but odd lately, but he could guess what it was all about. If only Misha would admit it to himself, if only they both would.

”Alright, 30 minutes, keeping an eye on the kids,” Ivo said as he left the room.

When the call to come and join for supper came, Joni felt relieved, Kasper was just too… leechy, and he didn’t feel comfortable with it, or perhaps he just didn’t feel that way for Kasper and that was the problem? He wondered, but like before he didn’t venture any further with this thought.

At the dinner table he was seated right opposite Misha and Kasper who sat next to him, continued the touching under the table, as if the others couldn’t notice…

”My parents aren’t home, you could come over after we leave here,” Kasper whispered, while his hand traveled up on his thigh, giving him a squeeze and making it clear what he was suggesting. The exact same moment Joni met with Misha’s eyes,

”Yes, I’d like it very much,” Joni smiled at the other boy.

”Mmmmh… I could eat you up.” Kasper looked at him smiling lustfully,

”You can save that for later, baby…” Joni whispered back, hating how it sounded, but…if it was heard by Misha, then…

Misha rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink, hearing those words whispered theatrically… the other guy almost made him snort; yes, you can save that for later, baby… Those words got on his nerves, combined with the lecherous smile that Joni received, it almost made him snap. They should… Get a room and not… do that there! People were trying to EAT! And then, Joni was looking at him again, was he challenging him? Did he think he cared? No, he could go fuck his way freely, good luck, he would get his blessing! Misha stood up from his chair suddenly and to somehow explain himself he muttered, ”Sorry, bathroom.”

Joni looked after Misha in confusion, some strange feeling of… hope? Maybe Misha was jealous? But why should he care if he was? And then his eyes met Ivo’s who was grinning at him. Quickly he focused back on his supper, annoyed that Kasper was still groping him under the table.

Misha spent 5 minutes in the bathroom, trying to get over the sudden anger that came upon him in the kitchen. What was the matter with him? He was behaving worse than a child! And actually… with what he did… leaving so suddenly, he kind of showed that… He decided to return into the kitchen, he planned in his head and came up with a brilliant plan.

”Sorry for leaving, nature’s call,” he smiled as he sat down, then turning to Kasper, he smiled even wider. ”So, you’re Joni’s new boyfriend?”

Joni felt himself tensing up at Misha’s question, he glanced at Kasper who smiled at Misha.

”Yes, I am, but it’s only been a week that we’ve been together.”

”We’ve dated for a week, not…” Joni found himself correcting, already regretting to have opened his mouth.

Misha looked at Ivo briefly then away from him, back at Kasper.

”Oh … you must be really … hmm, in love? To be able to stand him for so long,” he added cruelly, something pushing him to say those words.

Joni narrowed his eyes, feeling anger boiling inside of him, anger and hurt… Misha’s words wounded him, though he wouldn’t have wanted to admit it.

”Listen, Mr. Perfect…” he started, looking at him, ”just because you-” suddenly he felt Kasper’s hand on his arm and it made him stop and look at him, the other boy smiled at him, before looking back at Misha.

”I like Joni very much and I’m glad for every minute I get to spend time with him.” He told him calmly. Joni looked at Kasper, surprised, Kasper was very… Joni knew he hadn’t been so nice to him, but Kasper seemed to just take everything calmly and patiently, he hadn’t even used the eyeliner now and… he was even dressing more smartly and…

”I’m glad too,” he told him, finding himself relaxing a bit, in all honesty he had been thinking of giving some excuse to Kasper later and not go with him, but now… Maybe he would after all.

Misha smiled fakely.

”Oh, so every body’s happy,” then he felt Ivo’s foot connecting with his shin painfully and he considered of returning the favor to him, but starting a kicking fight now, would just be too… immature, especially with Dima and his friends watching. And maybe Joni would think that he was the reason?

Misha continued to eat and didn’t look up, he was shoving the food in his mouth fast so that he could excuse himself from the table.

”Thank you,” he said, getting up and putting his plate in the sink.”Dima, you’re washing the dishes today,” he reminded his brother as he left the kitchen.

Kasper let him inside the house, smiling at him.

”You’ve been awfully quiet,” he commented as he took of his jacket and shoes in the hall. Joni followed his example and gave him a smile back.

”Sorry, I guess I’m feeling a bit tired.” He lied, in fact he had just been lost in his own thoughts, thinking how much he hated Misha. First he had taken his virginity and now he was insulting him in front of everyone!

”Would you like something to drink?” Kasper asked, ”Coke?”

”Sure, thanks,” he followed the other boy into the kitchen.

”You have a nice house, quite big.” He told him.

”Yeah, can’t complain,” Kasper grinned, taking the coke from the fridge and pouring some into two glasses, then giving the other to him. ”So, let’s go to my room?”

Joni nodded and followed Kasper through the house, down the stairs to a large dark room. Kasper turned on the lights, but left the room dim.

”Cool, own fireplace too,” Joni noted, looking around, seeing various band posters mostly of heavy metal bands and of course the electronic guitar that stood in the corner.

”Any wishes on what music?” Kasper asked standing near the stereo.

”What ever, as long as it’s not Russian…” Joni said without thinking, it made Kasper chuckle.

”Alright, anything against German then?” He raised his eyebrow.

”Nothing whatsoever, I guess…” Joni was still busy looking around.

”You can sit down,” Kasper said, ”the…um… bed,” he pointed. Joni turned, grinned at him and then walked over to the bed and sat down.

”Large bed,” He smirked at the boy who started walking closer.

”Yeah, I like it large… more room to… do stuff.” Kasper grinned, undressing his shirt.

”Hm… interesting…. I somehow always thought of you as this quiet and ’innocent’ type.” Joni said tilting his head.

”Looks can deceive.” Kasper grinned again, throwing his t-shirt on the floor. Joni followed the example and undressed his shirts slowly, Kasper stood only a two meters from him, watching the show he put up for him. His chest naked, Joni brought his hands down and unbuttoned his jeans, then he leaned backwards with his hands supporting him, challenging the other to take the next move. And Kasper did, he closed the distance and knelled down, bringing his hands on his opened jeans. He looked up and licked his lips. When Joni didn’t say anything, he started to pull his pants down.

”Lift your hips up,” he whispered huskily and when Joni did he could pull the pants down completely, leaving Joni naked. Kasper bit his own lip, almost drawing blood as his hands slowly traveled up on Joni’s thighs, to his flat stomach and then down again, ”fuck you’re gorgeous… sexy…” The tightness in his own pants grew, he was hard after not even touching himself …he leaned forward to kiss Joni’s cock, finally taking it in his mouth and eagerly sucking it, making it hard.

Joni had close his eyes, he listened to the music, Kasper’s breathing, his moans, the sloppy sucking sound and he felt his hands tuching his body where they could reach… Joni’s mind started to take him elsewhere, to a place where he was with someone else and instantly his skin grew hotter and his lips parted into a silent moan. He licked his lips, moved his hips up to meet with the warm, moist cavern surrounding him.

Fingers on his skin, playing with his nipples, going down, down… down until they reached his entrance, something slick, finger pushed in and all he could think of was Misha. Misha was doing this to him and the music faded somewhere… He brought his own hand on his chest, feeling how hot his skin seemed to be, he found his way to his nipple and played with it, getting lost in his own fantasy.

Kasper grinned looking at Joni, he continued to suck him, while making him slick with the lube he had taken from under his bed, having been prepared for this. His free hand went to open up his own pants and he took his cock out, never stopping what he was doing to Joni. When he took the condom, he licked Joni’s balls, same time slipping it on himself, then covering his erection with the lube. He slowly moved up, kissing Joni’s stomach, moving up to his chest, until finally he got his lips. He snuggled between the parted thighs, carefully urging Joni to move further on the bed, careful not to lean on him.

Only when he was where he wanted him did Kasper lean on top of him, guiding his erection against the tight entrance and he started pushing in. Joni’s eyes snapped open, he felt Kasper’s head entering him and he winced, the other boy kept pushing in more and before he could say anything, his lips came upon his, silencing any possible protest.

It was painful, just like with Misha the penetration was painful only this time it was happening so fast, too fast … at least Misha had given him some time to adjust.

Kasper started to moan, his kisses getting sloppy once more and his thrusting in was impatient. It felt awkward and painful and Joni didn’t like it.

”You feel so amazing, oh god you’re so tight… fuck…nnh…yeah, yeah…” Joni felt disgusted, he brought his hands on Kasper’s shoulders and tried to push him to make him realise that he wanted him to stop.

”Stop, take it out,” he asked,

”Aah… just… I will… soon, just… so close…” and Kasper only pushed in faster until he was panting hard.

”Stop, get off!”

”I-I will… soon… oh god… so close… nnh…” and with two final thrust Kasper reached his climax. He collapsed on top of Joni, panting and sweaty.

”Get off me, now!” Joni squirmed under him and feeling exhausted and relaxed, Kasper pulled out, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Joni was feeling seriously pissed off, he got up with effort, looking at the other boy with anger.

”I told you to stop!” He screamed.

”And I did…”

”Yeah, AFTER you got off!” Joni looked for his clothes and started to dress, the beginning of his sex life obviously sucked.

”Baby… I… you… I was already in!” Kasper sat up looking at him, seeing his eyes flashing with anger.

”When I say stop then you fucking stop! I DON’T CARE WHEN I SAY IT!” Joni pulled his pants on, ”and don’t ever call me baby, we are soooo over!”

”Joni, look, I’m sorry, I… did I hurt you? I’m sorry, really am,”

Joni shook his head in anger, trembling from it, he wanted to punch at Kasper’s face and then ask him if it hurt.

”Joni, hey, I am sorry, I-” Kasper watched helplessly as Joni was almost done with dressing. ”Was it Misha?” He asked.

”Excuse me?!”

”The one you were with, the one who fucked you earlier?” Kasper asked, starting to get dressed as well. Joni had stopped and now watched him with his mouth open.

”Just what the fuck gave you that idea?!”

”I- the way you were looking at each others, what he said and… what you’ve said… what you said when… Joni, I- I really like you. If I hurt you I’m sorry, but I was already in and it- ”

”You asshole!” Joni screamed, ”just freaking stay away from me, alright?! Don’t call me, don’t even look at me just stay the hell away and I won’t say anything to your friend.” Joni wasn’t sure if he was more upset about Kasper mentioning Misha or the fact that he hadn’t stopped early. He could hear him starting to cry, and he was repeating sorry over and over again. Joni didn’t look back whe he finally left, his head was pounding and he just wanted to punch at something.

Walking home, feeling pain and regret, he thought of Misha, he thought of what Kasper had said and done and he thought of the night that he had shared with Misha, it had felt good… at least it had felt good… and maybe Misha had been right? Maybe he had been right all along and maybe… No! He didn’t want to think of him, but he couldn’t stop… Why couldn’t he stop? What was happening to him? He felt more confused than ever before. He had only wanted Misha to… notice him…. To like him? But maybe he had just screwed everything up already.

Web published: January 27th, 2008.

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