It was almost midnight in New York when the plane got to the airport. Michael hardly had any sleep during the flight and now he truly felt tired. He followed Ricky who walked with fast steps before him and he had to hurry himself to keep up with the man, he was afraid that he would get lost from him.
Ricky hardly spoke a thing on the taxi ride and they hadn’t sat next to each other in the plane. Michael looked at him quickly wondering if should he try and start a conversation with him but then decided against it. Ricky probably was just as tired as he was. He looked at the scenery through the car window. New York really was a big city. He felt slightly nervous now that he was truly here. It was now all so real. Once again he looked at the man quickly. ‘I don’t really even know him, what will I do if he throws me out of his place? Where will I go?’ he asked himself silently and then tried to relax himself. ‘He won’t throw me out. He won’t.’
Finally they arrived to their destination. They came in front of a big apartment building. Ricky payed to the driver and they went inside. His apartment was on the top of the building.
Ricky opened the door and let Michael in before him. The place was much bigger than he could have ever imagined. Michael stood in the hallway his bags still in his hands and looked around the place in awe. The man truly hadn’t lied when he had told him that he was rich.
Ricky took his bags and carried them into the bedroom. “Well, are going to stand there all night?” he asked with a rude voice. Michael awoke from his thoughts and followed Ricky into the room. “I have to make few work calls, but you better get some sleep now, you’ll need your strength for tomorrow,” the man smirked and squeezed his butt. Michael smiled at him and nodded his head, he was glad to get some sleep. Ricky left and closed the door after him.
Michael looked around the room. There was a big bed on the other side of the room, the largest bed he had ever seen. He looked at the paintings on the wall, the bookshelf, the small sofa, and the computer table. It was a big and luxurious looking room. He went over by the window and looked outside; even the view was magnificent.
He then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then came back to the bedroom and took off his jeans and his over shirt and went to the bed to get the sleep he needed. He heard Ricky’s voice coming from the next room but didn’t hear what he was saying. His thoughts returned to his home and his parents. He wondered how they had responded to his leaving or had they even noticed it just yet? It was early morning back home in England. Finally sleep took over him.
The next morning he woke up finding himself still alone in the bed. He wondered if the man had slept at all. He got up and came into the kitchen where he found Ricky, drinking his morning coffee. “Good morning,” he said stretching his arms and yawning.
Ricky looked at the boy closely. He would have wanted to rip off the few clothes that covered the boy’s body and take him right there and then; he felt the eagerness in his crotch as he thought about this. But he managed to will himself down, now wasn’t the time. “I have to go to work, I’ll see you tonight and then we are going to have some fun,” Ricky said and walked over to the boy. He kissed his sweet lips.
“You won’t be long, will you?” the boy asked and Ricky gave him a smile. Oh, there truly was such sweet innocence in the boy that would soon be lost. Would he be long? When there was such a treat waiting for him back home?
“We’ll see. Stay here all day; I don’t want you to go wander about anywhere on your own, when you don’t know this city just yet. Don’t answer the phone or open the door if anyone should come by. I have the keys with me.”
“Can I call home?” Michael asked just out of politeness, he didn’t think that the man would refuse.
“And what would you tell them? That you are here with me? They are just happy that you left. So don’t call them,” Ricky told him and left before Michael could say anything to this.
The place seemed very strange after Ricky had left. He walked through it, studying every shelf, every painting and every object that he could find. There were only a few photographs. In one of them, he saw an old woman and an old man sitting on a sofa with a teenage boy in between them. Behind the sofa stood a man and a woman, who were about thirty from the looks of them. The boy on the sofa was obviously Ricky, so he was the youngest child. His parents looked very old in the picture.
Michael came to one door that was locked. ‘What are you hiding in here?’ he wondered and looked at the door for a moment. He then went into the bathroom, which was very large and had a luxurious bathtub in it. He had never seen something like this in real life only in TV. He decided to take a bath in it before eating his breakfast.
The bath felt so relaxing, just what he needed. He had felt so stressed out for so many days, and the moving into a foreign country with a person he had known for such a short time, didn’t exactly make him feel any better. He couldn’t stop thinking about his parents and his former friends and those last weeks with his grandmother. He thought about everything that Isabella had told him, he thought about how worried she had been for him. The thought that she would be with his grandfather now gave him some comfort if there truly was a heaven of some sort, if there truly was a God.
Michael could feel all the muscles in his body starting to relax from the warm, soothing water around him. For a moment he could forget all his worries and concentrate to the good feelings he was having.
He got up from the bathtub and grabbed a towel. After drying himself up he placed the towel around his waist and went back into the bedroom to get dressed. He came in front of the mirror and let his towel drop on to the floor. He looked at his naked body for a while. He knew that it would probably happen tonight, that he would loose his virginity. He felt slightly nervous.
He had been waiting for it to happen for so long. Sure there had been thousands of opportunities with girls, but he had never even tried to go all the way with them. There were times that he had cuddled with a girl in bed. It had been kissing and slight touching under clothes.
One time with Jenny, the girl had placed his hand on her breast. It had felt so odd and he hadn’t been really sure what the girl had wanted him to do. But apparently she had liked what ever he was doing because the next thing he had known was that Jenny had guided his hand inside her panties. He had almost started to laugh, it had felt so weird and he had to pull himself up from the bed. “I don’t think that we should do this,” he had said then and Jenny had looked so disappointed.
“Why not?” The girl asked. Obviously no other had ever turned her down before.
“Because I don’t want to rush things, you know…I really do like you, but rushing things only ruins everything.”
“Oh, you`re so sweet Michael. Of course I understand. You are the sweetest guy I know and the most gorgeous one…Come here, we can just kiss, you’re right about the rest.”
He wondered why he was so scared now. Ricky was a handsome man and surely he had experience in these things. The man would know what to do, it would be alright. Maybe he had just dreamed for it to happen with Tony for such a long time, that now that it was about to happen with someone else, it scared him. What if he would be totally rotten in bed? And Ricky would never want to see him again? What if he would do something totally stupid, or… Michael looked at his insecure face through the mirror and laughed. ‘Don’t be childish Michael, it will be alright,’ he told himself.
Michael turned and went to get some clothes from his bag. He emptied the inside of it onto the bed and carefully picked up the clothes that he was going to wear for the day. Black boxers, dark grey jeans and black t-shirt with red dragon in front of it. He placed his photographs back to his bag, they would be safe there. He folded the rest of his clothes neatly and placed them in to the wardrobe.
The rest of the day went by slowly. He thought about calling home more and more. He had picked the phone up many times, but then placed it back. Finally he knew that he wouldn’t be able to rest until he had called them.
The phone rang only few times before his mother answered. She sounded both tired and nervous. “Michael? Is that you?” she asked when he had been quiet for a while.
”Hello mom,” he said then.
“Where are you? We have been worried sick…”
“It’s alright mom, I’m fine. I’m in the States.”
“In America!? What, how? Are you with that man?” she asked in worry. Michael heard the front door opening and Ricky came in.
“I have to go…I’ll talk to you later,” Michael said quickly and hung up the phone.
Ricky seemed to be mad at him. “You called your home even though I told you not to,” he said and came closer.
“Yes, I don’t want them to worry about me. I thought that…” Michael began looking into the man’s eyes.
Ricky came closer to the boy and smiled at him gently. He pulled the boy closer to him, placed his hand behind his neck and kissed him. He soon tightened his hold on the boy’s neck and bent his head back. He held the boys hands behind his back.
“You thought what? Well perhaps you should stop thinking all together? From now on, you’ll do as I tell you to do and there will be no buts,” Ricky yelled and pushed the boy on to the floor. Michael looked at him with fear in his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening. He got up from the floor and backed up when Ricky approached him.
“Look, if this is about money, or something, I’ll pay for that call,” Michael said trying to keep his voice from shaking.
“Indeed you will, like you will pay for everything else that I’m giving you. But I’m not talking about money… no, I’m talking about other ways that you can pay for me…”
Michael didn’t know what to think, he saw the look in the man’s eyes and he didn’t like it. Ricky pressed his back against the wall and moved his hand down from his neck to his chest. Michael felt his heart racing fast as he felt the hands on his body.
“You are a little cock teaser, aren’t you?” Ricky whispered with a hoarse voice and Michael trembled. “How many times, in the past month have you roused me up and then ran when it was time for the real action?” Ricky kissed his neck. Michael couldn’t think of anything to say. Suddenly he was scared of the man. Why was he talking to him like this? It didn’t feel right. Ricky noticed his fear and smirked. They were silent for a while.
“Take off your clothes!” Ricky commanded. He sat on the couch and pulled the boy in front of him. Michael hesitated. “Now!” Ricky told him and sounded demanding. Michael pulled off his t-shirt and moved to open his belt and the buttons of his jeans. His hands were shaking from fear. Ricky fondled himself as he looked the boy. His upper body was smooth, hairless and just utterly perfect, like a piece of art, a sexy art, Ricky thought. He moaned from pleasure just looking at the perfect, half naked boy in front of him. He wanted him so badly; he wanted to see the rest, all of him.
Michael continued taking his shoes and socks off and then his jeans. He hesitated with the boxers. He looked at Ricky and noticed his clear heated state. Ricky noticed where he was looking and rose from the couch. “I think you want this,” Ricky said and placed his hand on his hardening member. “Well, soon you’re going to get it,” he spoke then.
Ricky grasped the boys arm and led him into the bedroom. He shoved Michel on the bed and took two handcuffs from the nightstand, which he used to lock the boy’s hands on to the bedpost. Michael didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t trust the man; he didn’t want it to be like this.
“Please, I want to use my hands, I…I want to be able touch you…” he pleaded.
“Well, I want to do this my way, so… Now, I just need one more thing,” Ricky told him and left the room.
He soon came back with a video-camera and placed it near the bed.
“What is that for?” Michael asked not trying to hide the fear in his voice anymore.
“I’m going to film this of course. The first time is something that should be recorded,” Ricky told him and pressed the record button of the camera.
“I don’t want that…” Michel tried but the man just smiled at him as he came to the bed with him. He pulled the boxers off from the boy’s legs and fondled his genitals.
“You’re so hot, did you know that? Well of course you do, don’t you?” Ricky spoke and then started to undress himself.
He removed his shirt and then opened his belt and his trousers, pulling his hard cock out. He leaned close to the boy’s face.
“Suck it; take it in your mouth!” Michael wasn’t able to stop himself from shaking. He was unsure would he be able to do it right. He encouraged himself and took the man’s member into his mouth; he moved his lips on its length and could feel how it was getting even harder. He started to gag as Ricky shoved himself deeper in his throat. It started to feel too big in his mouth, he found it hard to breathe, and he felt the tears in his eyes.
Ricky took his cock out of his mouth and squeezed his buttocks tightly, making the boy moan from the pain of his grasp. The thought that he would soon take the boys innocence, his virginity, stired him up even more. He would be the first to take him and he would surely enjoy it.
“Wait, I’m not sure if I’m ready…I’m scared…” Michael whispered as he came to the realization of what was about to happen. Ricky smirked.
“What did you think that was going to happen? Sorry dear, but I’m going to take you now. Haven’t I been waiting for long enough?” he said and spat on his hand. He pushed his finger inside the boy’s opening, moving it in and out of him. He soon added a second finger and a third.
The look on the boys face was bewitching. Ricky could see that he was in pain and he smiled with satisfaction. The boy would soon be screaming under him. He felt his own cock demanding the pleasure that could be found once inside the boy’s body.
Michael soon felt how the man was beginning to enter him with his cock and cried from the pain. The man had a hard time getting himself all the way in him. “Relax boy!” the man shouted, but Michael was anything but relaxed, and couldn’t see how he could ever get himself to relax in a situation like this.
After trying for awhile the man sighed with frustration and stood up. He took the lube from the nightstand and rubbed it on to his cock and inside Michael’s opening. He then returned to his task of getting inside the boy. He kept on pushing and finally he succeeded in his task. He gave the boy only a second to get used to this new feeling before he started to thrust inside him. Michael screamed from the pain that seemed to tear him up. “Please stop! This hurts! Please stop…please…” he cried in agony and was gasping for air. He had always knew that the first time would hurt, but not this much, never this much…
Ricky enjoyed himself even more when he heard the pain in Michael’s voice, when he saw the tears falling down on that beautiful face and those beautiful eyes that were pleading him to stop hurting him. “You’re so hot…so tight…” Michael closed his eyes. It felt so bad, he had asked him to stop and he didn’t, why didn’t he stop this? Michael tried to think of something else, he tried to imagine that he was with Tony and that everything was gentle and that it would feel good and…
”Open your eyes. Look at me!” Ricky commanded not letting him have the chance of escaping in his own dreams. Michael looked into the eyes of the man who did this to him. Ricky’s eyes were so dark, almost black and he wanted to look away but couldn’t. Finally the man came inside him with a shout of pleasure. Michael felt thankful that it was over now.
Ricky rose from the bed and looked at him. Michael was waiting him to release his hands, but he didn’t.
“You’ll stay here; I may want more of you soon,” Ricky said and grinned evilly. Michael was in shock after hearing this.
“Let me go now!” he screamed. Ricky looked at him in anger and slapped his face.
“I will do just as I want to do and you will accept this without a question.”
“You fucking bastard! I want you to free me right now!” Michael was all too mixed up from the pain and fury not to care of the man’s threats.
Ricky looked at the boy for a moment, wondering should he slap him once more, but then decided against it. “You are a wild one, aren’t you? Well, by all means scream as much as you like, you’ll soon learn that it is of no use. No one will hear you my dear,” he laughed and left the room, closing the door after him.
Michael was in panic, he tried to free himself, only causing more pain on his arms and wrists. He screamed, he was in pain and he was scared. Finally he gave in, Ricky had been right; it was all in vain. No one was coming to help.
He didn’t know how long he lay on the bed. It felt like forever. The curtains were closed and the room stayed dark. He was in pain.
Finally the door opened and the bright light hit the room. He saw Ricky was coming closer to him. The man sat on the bed beside him, smiling wickedly to him, and placed his rough hand on the boy`s naked body.
“Bastard,” Michael hissed. Ricky raised his eyebrow and only smirked to him. Michael wanted to wipe that look off his face.
Ricky moved his hand on his penis and caressed it gently.
“I don’t want you to touch me!” Michael screamed, trying to ignore that his touch actually felt quite good and that his cock started to harden from it. He cursed his own body that was about to betray him.
“Really? I think that you want me to continue,” Ricky laughed. Michael tried to look at him as firmly as he could.
“You fucking bastard…” His voice didn’t sound as powerful as he hoped.
Ricky watched with amusement, how the boy was trying to fight his own aroused state with no success. He bent down and took the hardening cock into his mouth. Michael moaned from the pleasure. He wasn’t able to keep quiet even though he tried.
“Stop…” he mumbled quietly. ’Fuck…’ he thought to himself when he felt how the man started to move his lips up and down on his length. The pleasure that his body was feeling kept on growing. ’I can’t let him do this. I can’t, not after what he did to me…no, no, think of something else Michael…think…. Fuck! Oh, my god…’
Michael gasped for air as the man kept on sucking him. He knew he couldn’t resist this much longer. The muscles in his body tightened and his breathing increased. Ricky lifted his head up and kept fondling him with his hand. Soon Michael came on his belly and on Ricky’s hand. He stared at the ceiling and tried to calm his breathing. ’ ’Fuck!’ he cursed silently.
He soon realized Ricky’s face was above his own. Ricky was smiling with triumph and he leaned in and kissed him with force. He then sat up and looked at him.
“I hate you,” Michael whispered.
“I don’t think that you do…not just yet,” Ricky laughed and Michael knew that he was going to hate his laugh.
“Time to wash up,” Ricky said finally. He took the keys from his pocket and released Michael’s hands. He pulled the boy up and dragged him into the bathroom. He shoved him under the shover and opened up the water tab.
“You fucking idiot!” Michael screamed; he was furious of the way that the man was treating him.
Ricky’s _expression changed. “I put up with your insults for a while, but now it’s enough!” Ricky yelled at him and took a hold of Michael’s throat.
“Your attitude is going to change, is that clear?” Ricky asked and hardened his grip. Michael felt the tears in his eyes.
“Y-yes…” he heard himself admitting with a weak voice.
Michael stood under the shower feeling upset. He didn’t want to be with Ricky. He couldn’t understand why the man had changed so sudden. Why was he treating him like this? And did he really think that he was just going to take it all? No! It would never happen. Michael thought angrily. He would speak his mind to Ricky and leave. Where? He didn’t really know. He would think of something. But he didn’t have any money with him, only £15, but it was of no use in here.
“Dammit!” he cursed out loud. He had no idea what to do. Perhaps he could stay and talk to Ricky, tell him that he would indeed be leaving if the treatment didn’t change. Michael smiled feeling slightly more confident. Yes, he would do just that.
Finally he came out of the bathroom and was about go to into the bedroom, to get dressed when Ricky called his name. He came into the living room and saw Ricky, who sat there with two other men. The men stopped their chatting immediately as they saw him. They looked at him from head to toe in a manner that Michael didn’t like. One of them was black, maybe in his thirties. He was a very muscular and tall man. As for the other man, he was almost bald, overweight and Michael guessed that he was the same age as Ricky.
They looked with interest, at his almost naked body, his wet hair and the drops of water that still glimmered on his chest.
“Come closer. This is Alex, my associate…” Ricky said pointing to the black man. “…and George.” Michael looked at them both again and they were still looking at him and drinking some wine. Michael didn’t like this; he didn’t like this one bit. The way that they were looking at him was the same way that Ricky had looked at him.
“I’ll come back soon, I just need to go and get dressed,” Michael said quickly.
“No, I want you to come to me right now, dear,” Ricky said from the other side of the room. ‘This is not good, this is not good,’ Michael pondered about this situation. His instinct told him to run and run far. Maybe he could just lock himself inside the bedroom and refuse to come out? No, that would not do, the door could only be locked from the outside.
“What’s taking you so long? I asked you to come to me,” Ricky said with firm voice. Michael took a deep, calming breath and walked over to Ricky. He noticed that his body was shaking slightly and he could feel their eyes on his back. His heart was racing against his chest.
Ricky pulled him onto his lap.
“Here, drink some wine. Relax yourself.” Ricky offered the wine-glass to him.
“You were right Ricky, he does look good. I think that this one is the best looking you have ever had. Hell, he’s even better looking that I’ve ever had or seen,” Alex said and the older man agreed with him. Michael looked at them feeling more alarmed.
“I’ll go now to change,” he said and tried to get up, but Ricky was holding him firmly.
“Just drink some wine and don’t worry,” Ricky told him and lifted the glass up to his lips. Michael tasted the wine carefully, but Ricky made him empty the glass.
“Is he a Latino?” Alex asked.
“He’s English, but he’s a part of Spanish,” Ricky replied.
“How old did you say he was?” George asked.
“17…that’s a good age…”
This bothered Michael, it was weird. They didn’t ask these things from him, they asked Ricky. It made him feel like he was some kind of animal, or something similar. He felt Ricky’s hand moving under his towel where he squeezed his ass and cock. Michael winced.
“Wouldn’t you want to fuck him? Young tight ass… Wouldn’t you want taste his lips? Make him suck you off?” Ricky asked and this scared Michael. He tried to move, but couldn’t.
“Yes, indeed. I haven’t had someone so young in ages,” George answered; his hand was rubbing his cock through his trousers.
Michael felt really odd. His head was spinning, it felt like he would have been really drunk, but he only had one glass of wine. He could see that the men were truly aroused by now; he could also feel Ricky’s erection against his arse. He moved to his feet, and this time Ricky didn’t try to stop him. His legs almost gave up under him and Michael couldn’t understand what was wrong. He tried to clear his mind. ’You have to go Michael; you have to get out of here now. Move… God dammit, move!’ the voice in his head told him, but his body didn’t seem to cooperate. Everything was to blured.
“Lets see what’s here then…” Alex said and ripped his towel off. “Looks very good indeed.” Michael struggled himself free and staggered into the kitchen, he didn’t even know where he was going anymore. He took support from the table. He felt desperate. They followed him. Alex came up from behind him
“The boy, wants it here…good…” he said and pushed him against the table, on to his stomach.
“We’re going to fuck you now, all of us. You do want it, dont you? You little slut.” Michael had hard time to even realize what they told him and what was happening. He did feel the fingers going inside him, but he didn’t feel them as much as he thought he would. George gripped his hair and forced his cock into his mouth.
It all felt like he was in a dream, in a nightmare. He couldn’t control his own body. He knew what they were doing to him, that they were raping him, but the feeling, it just didn’t seem real. He could hardly feel anything, it was all a blur, it all just happened. At some point he passed out completely.
He woke up, bound on the bed. They had washed his body and his mind felt clear now. They had gagged his mouth with a scarf, he felt the pain in his body and he felt ill. He looked around himself and found Alex, who was sitting on a stool.
“So, you woke up. Finally. Now we can have more fun beautiful,” The man spoke and then Ricky also came into the room. He didn’t say anything, just smiled in an evil manner. He had the video camera in his hands and he sat on the chair that Alex had just freed.
“Now, stay still, I’m going to release your hands,” Alex told him and Michael nodded his head carefully. When he had released him from the bedpost, he soon locked his hands behind his back and lifted him onto his lap. “Look straight at the camera,” Alex ordered him, holding him on tightly. “You want some cock? You want it inside you so bad. Don’t you?” Alex kept on and squeezed Michael so hard, that he felt the tears coming down of his face. Never in a million years could he have guessed that things could turn so bad for him. “Don’t you?! Now nod your head nicely.” Michael did what he was told and saw how pleased Ricky looked. “You are a little boy whore, aren’t you? You need a good fuck. You need to get it in your ass and you need it in your mouth.” Michael cried but managed to nod his head. There was no way that he could fight them, he was at loss.
“Good boy. Now you’re going to suck your Master’s cock,” Alex said and forced Michael on his knees in front of Ricky. He took the scarf from his mouth and took the camera from the other man. Ricky rammed his cock into his mouth and Michael cried even harder. He thought that he might choke and gag. It didn’t take long for Ricky to come. He pulled his cock out of his mouth and came all over his face. Michael felt so dirty and hurt.
Ricky took the camera from Alex. The powerful, black man lifted him up from the floor and pushed him onto the bed, on his tummy. He rubbed Ricky’s come on his opening and thrust inside of him. It felt horrible; he was already in huge pain from the other times. Michael screamed. But Alex soon placed his hand on his mouth to keep him from screaming. The man bit his neck and breathed in his ear. It seemed to take forever. Michael was praying for it to stop, he tried to flee inside his own world, a secret place, where there would be no pain.
Finally the man came inside of him. “Fuck that was good. I may want to use your slut again sometime,” Alex told Ricky when he had gotten up.
”Well by all means do, but the next time you’ll have to pay for using him,” Ricky laughed and they stepped outside leaving him alone in the bed.
Michael cried; he could feel that he was bleeding now and he was so scared. He wanted to go home. He wanted the shelter of his mother. He wanted to feel her arms around him and hear her tell him that it would be alright. He cursed his own stupidity of leaving with this horrid man.
The next day came and he was still in pain. Michael didn’t know what to do. He felt so helpless and he had gathered all his things together in a panic. He had to get out, but he still didn’t know where or how. Anything would be better that to stay with Ricky, he thought.
When Ricky had left that morning, he had locked the bedroom door. Michael felt anxious. He had tried to open the door, but with no success. He had screamed for help, but everything seemed useless. As soon as the door would open, he would take all his things and leave. He didn’t really care where, but he just had to get out.
Michael came over by to the window, to take a look outside. He looked at the people on the street, who were walking in a hurry in the cold, late autumn weather. It was raining and the wind was blowing heavily. Cars drove by splashing the water on some misfortune people. Life continued on, like it always did. And he was there; held captive in that luxurious apartment, wishing that he could be like the people down there, in that cold weather, making his way through the wet streets. And the only things that he would have to worry would the coldness and hurry to a place, that he really didn’t even have that much of a hurry to go to. He sighed, feeling tired. He shivered from the cold. He felt so weak, he felt like he would faint soon. He didn’t remember the last time that he had felt so weak, as he did now.
Michael walked over to the bed and lay there on his side. He wrapped himself deep under the covers. His eyelids felt so heavy, he was so tired. He tried to keep himself from falling asleep, he wanted to be ready as soon as the door would open, but as the time went by and no one came, he slowly fell asleep.
He woke up when he heard to door open. He got up, as fast as he could. He felt really odd. He saw Ricky, but he looked really inaccurate to his vision, as did the whole room. He felt sick, his throat hurt more than ever before and he still felt like he could faint at any moment. He shook his head trying to ignore this and concentrate on leaving; he fumbled up from the bed.
“I’m going away,” he spluttered as he tried to walk past him. Ricky laughed.
“You’re going away? Where?” he asked with an amused tone.
“Away from you, you pervert,” Michael managed to say. He would have screamed, but his throat was too sore for screaming.
He walked over to the door and had take support from the doorway. “You’re not going anywhere!” Ricky screamed, took his bag and tossed it on the floor. He pulled him close to himself. Michael was too weak to fight back. His legs didn’t seem to carry him and he managed only a small, desperate moan as he was being pressed against the man’s body.
“You’re burning up,” Ricky said with surprise in his voice. He felt the skin behind the boy’s neck and was really surprised at how hot it was. He looked at the boy, who would have fallen to the floor if he hadn’t held on to him so tightly. The boy’s face was tired and pale; he could hardly keep his eyes open.
Ricky lifted the smaller body up into his arms and carried him onto the bed. He could see now that his clothes were slightly moist from the cold sweat and he started to undress him. Michael realised what the man was doing, but he was just too weak to protest. Would the man rape him again? He couldn’t take it, not when he was feeling like this.
Soon Michael lay there naked and totally helpless. Ricky stopped to look at him, admiring the boy’s body once more. He didn’t remember seeing anything so perfect in all his life. The boy was so beautiful, so sexy, even in a high fever. Ricky swallowed hard and covered up the boy’s body with the covers. He then rang to his reliable family doctor.
A worried looking Mexican male doctor sat beside the bed and pressed his fingers on the sides of his neck. The man took the thermometer from his armpit. “102, 2 F” The man said and shook his head. He looked at the boy who was only half-conscious. He had examined the boy thoroughly and knew what had been done to him earlier. He would be all right as long as he could have the time to heal in peace. The man sighed, he had seen too much of this. He wished that he could help the boy more and wash his hands of all of this, but it was impossible. He was dependent on Mr. Matthews; the man could easily ruin his life and the life of his family, if he should tell anyone what he had seen.
Michael looked into the man’s warm and worried eyes. He knew that he was Mexican, the way he looked and the way he talked had revealed him. “Señor por favor, ayudame por favour,” he pleated the man with a weak voice. He held on to the man’s arm. The man looked at him with surprise. Soon his _expression turned sad. This boy who lay on the bed was the same age as his own son. And there he was, praying for his help with his native tongue, the help that he was too scared to give. He had his own family to protect.
“Yo estoy avergonzado…yo estoy avergonzado, que no puedo,” he replied quickly and scared. Michael loosened his grip of the man’s arm with disappointment. At that same moment the door opened and Ricky came in.
“Well, what is it? Will he be alright?” Ricky asked.
“Well from the symptoms, I think that he has influenza, he has a very high fever. He needs to get plenty of rest…” The doctor looked at Ricky closely and continued.
“There is also some small tearing in his anus. So you shouldn’t…” The doctor hesitated. “…You shouldn’t use him for a while, just let him heal…I’ll give you some ointment that you should use on him, to help him heal quicker.”
“Okay, thank you Anthony and remember; not a word about this to anyone,” Ricky said firmly.
“Yes, of course, I remember.”
Michael wriggled on the bed, his whole body was sweating and the sheets clutched on his skin. He felt the hand on his head, a gentle hand that was stoking his hair and he saw his mother who sat by his side and looked at him with worry and love in her eyes.
“Mom…” he whispered and turned over to his other side. Michael opened his eyes and looked at Ricky with fear. The man lay beside him, his hand in his hair and he had a concentrated, thoughtful _expression on his face.
“You remind me of someone I used to know…” the man spoke and Michael couldn’t say a word, he was too surprised of this gentle touch that he was receiving from the same man that had hurt him so badly. Frankly, this scared him; maybe the man would soon hurt him again?
“You are so beautiful, just like he was,” Ricky continued on and Michael started to tremble. “So much in common…The boy in school that everybody wants to have, including other boys in secret…The boy who turns everyone’s head when he walks into a room and makes them all wish that he would exchange even one word with them. That they would see the same look in his eyes, what can be seen in theirs, when they look at him. You are that boy and so was he…” Ricky’s voice sounded really odd. “I just know that you were in lots of people’s mind, when they jerked off at nights. Those who looked at you in secret, when you walked by, or changed clothes in the locker room. So innocent, so unaware of these looks that you were getting.” Ricky moved his hand on his face and slowly to his lips. He grazed his bottom lip with his thump. Michael closed his eyes; he suddenly remembered something that had happened two weeks before.
It was Friday afternoon. Michael sat on the floor of the school’s toilet, where he had spent the last hour and tried to calm himself. The tears burned in his eyes, his grandmother’s death still too fresh in his mind. He just hadn’t been able to go to the class. He had been afraid that he would have crumpled there, where everyone would have seen if someone would have asked him something…if he would have had to answer. He knew that if he should cry in front of them it would lead to even more devilish comments than there already were.
Finally he stood up. He came in front of the mirror and washed his face with the water. He was thankful that his face didn’t show how upset he had been just an hour ago. He heard how the door opened and people came in. “Well, well, well…who have we here… our favourite fag,” Tom’s voice said with mockery. Michael lifted his gaze up and saw Mark and Sean standing near Tom. Michael sighted bluntly and took some paper to dry his face. “Aren’t you going to say hello? He has really bad manners, don’t you agree guys?” Tom said and came closer to him. Michael shot a murderous glance to Tom.
“At least my manners are better than yours will ever be,” Michael said and tried to walk past them. Tom gripped him and pushed him against the nearest wall.
“Does this turn you on, Mikey? Do you want us to fuck you?” Tom asked, his face only inches away from his. Michael tried to flee from him, but soon Mark and Sean came to assist Tom at holding him in place.
“No I would not, Tom! God, you are so disgusting. I wouldn’t fuck any of you, even if you pleaded me to,” Michael hissed and tried to free himself again. Tom looked at him with anger and so did Sean and Mark.
“Always so proud, always better that the rest of us, is that it? What do you think guys, should we teach this horny slut a lesson or two?” Tom asked keeping his eyes firmly on him. Michael looked back at him.
“Good idea Tom, I think that we should,” Sean said and Mark nodded his head after him.
“Fuck you!” Michael screamed.
“No, I think that we would rather fuck you instead,” Tom grinned. Michael kicked his knee and was able to get free. Sean however was fast and pushed him against the wall again.
“Let go of me!” Michael screamed. Sean’s hold on him was tight.
“I don’t think that I will. I think you like this…I have seen how you have flirted with me,” Sean whispered to his ear.
At that moment the door opened and Tony came in. “What the fuck is going on here!?” Tony asked with surprise, looking at his best friend, who was pressed against the wall and the odd looks that were on his other friend’s faces. Sean loosened his grip on Michael and looked back at Tony. Michael took his backpack on the floor and ran out of the toilet, not even once did he look at Tony. He ran the whole way to his home.
Michael opened his eyes and looked at Ricky. He tried to think where he was getting at with his words and who was it that he reminded him of? “Your temperature is dropping,” Ricky said and stood up from the bed. He lifted Michael on his arms. Michael was surprised of how strong the man was. He was carrying him like he didn’t weigh a thing. They came into the bathroom and Ricky laid him into the warm water in the bathtub. Ricky washed his body all over and Michael couldn’t help but tremble. He was afraid that Ricky might drown him. Ricky didn’t care for him; he just wanted to own him. Michael knew this already but he was still too sick to defend himself.
Michael wished that he could be at home, that this was just a bad dream, but it wasn’t. He wished that he would have been in his own bed resting. His mother would bring him tea and toast with honey. Tony would come over and he would try to cheer him up by telling him funny jokes and stories. He missed his old life. The way that things once were, but he knew that those times were lost forever.
It took him a week to recover from the flu. He felt triumph when he could feel his strength return. Soon he could go and flee from this awful nightmare. Ricky had once again locked him inside the bedroom and his clothes were put back into the wardrobe and now he was packing them once again. He still didn’t know what he would do once he got outside. Where could he get some money and a place to stay? It worried him, but he didn’t want to stay with Ricky. The man was perverse and crazy.
Ricky came home earlier than usual. He opened the bedroom door and looked at the boy who was packing his things together in a hurry.
“What’s this?” Ricky asked.
“I’m leaving. I would have left earlier if I hadn’t been sick,” Michael said trying to keep his voice from trembling.
“Are you now? And may I ask what your plans are? Where are you going to go?” Ricky asked calmly coming closer to him.
“I don’t know, anywhere is better than to stay here! I can find a job and study,” Michael answered with an agitated voice.
Ricky laughed. “And what are you going to study? Where do you plan to get a job?”
Michael looked at him with anger. “I can study to be a chef; I can study what ever I want. I’m sure that I will get a job working as a waiter or a model. This doesn’t even concern you!” Michael screamed and returned to his packing.
Ricky came even closer. “You’ll stay here. I have a pretty interesting material concerning you. Something that might get spread and something that I’m sure that many would understand or accept,” Ricky spoke and Michael froze. He knew what Ricky meant, he remembered the video camera. He gazed into the emptiness. He felt desperate and alone, all was lost. He felt the tears forming in his eyes. He wanted to disappear.
Ricky came behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders, kissing his neck. “You are mine now, I own you and if you try to flee from me I can assure you, that I would make your live a living hell… I know lots of people, who would do favours for me. If you manage to run from me, then someone will always find you. Do you understand me?” Ricky whispered.
“My parents are looking for me, they will find me,” Michael stammered.
“Do you think that they care? They are just happy to get rid of you. They are ashamed of you… No one will save you, or find you; I have made sure of that.” Michael trembled and he was crying. He felt so lost.
“Do you always get what you want?” he asked still crying.
“Always,” Ricky replied and kissed his neck once again.
He had been in New York for one month. He hated every second of it. One month that had never seemed to pass by so slowly. He wondered how he would survive of all the months to follow. How many there would be ahead? Maybe there would even be years? Michael thought. He started to cry. How could one survive years in this hell?
Michael shivered and sat onto the wide windowsill. It was now his favourite spot to spend the day. He looked outside and saw all the people down there. It gave him some kind of weird comfort, to know that the world was still there. That the life for the rest of the world hadn’t changed. It was out of reach for him for now, but perhaps, someday, he could get himself free and the world would be waiting. He placed his hand on the cold glass and let it slide down. He still hoped that this would be just a nightmare and soon, someone would wake him up from it.
He had been locked inside the house this whole month. It was part of his training, or so Ricky had said. His spirit was still too tough. He would have to yield into Ricky’s will. Ricky had to be sure that he wouldn’t try anything stupid, that he wouldn’t try to run. Michael was slowly giving up and accepting that this misery was now indeed his life. There was no escape from it, for now anyway. Some small part of him, however, still kept up the hope that there would still be a day… that there would still be a way to free himself.
He looked down and hoped that someone would notice him; he hoped for a saviour and felt himself slightly stupid for dreaming about it. “A prince on a white horse…” he said out loud and laughed at himself. “I don’t think there are any princes in New York. I hate New York! I hate Americans! I do…Well I guess I don’t hate all of them. I just haven’t met any nice Americans just yet…. Oh god, I’m going crazy! I’m talking to myself. It’s only been a month; you can’t go crazy just yet. Hold on and dream of freedom… There is no life if there is no freedom. I’m asleep now. Yes, that’s it, in a sleep and waiting to wake up.” He smiled just a little. He knew that he was just talking to himself because there really wasn’t anyone else to talk to. There was just Ricky. When he was home anyway. And frankly he preferred his own good company to him. It was much nicer to talk with himself that with that monster.
He hated to be near him. Hated his touch on his body. He hated the nights when the man took him to the bed. When he undressed him and kissed his body all over. When he kissed his lips… When he pressed him underneath his bigger body. When he would feel that cock thrusting inside him. It always hurt and he always cried.
He heard the door open, but didn’t even turn to look. He knew who it was.
“Go wash yourself and change your clothes. We’re leaving to Boston as soon as you’re ready,” Ricky told him.
Michael rose from the windowsill and looked at him and asked, “Boston? Why?”
“You’ll find out, when we get there,” Ricky smirked.
Michael nodded and walked to the bathroom. He was going out from the apartment. First time in a whole month. He smiled feeling happy for a brief moment, and then it hit him. Fear… ‘Why is he taking you to Boston? You know that it can’t be anything good…’ he thought while showering.
He returned to the bedroom.
“Here, put these on,” Ricky said and gave him some new clothes. Michael looked at the clothes. A black shirt with buttons all the way down, tight, blue grey jeans of the latest fashion and tight, black boxers with red on the sides. Michael lowered his towel and began dressing himself. Ricky sat on the bed watching him, like he always did. He didn’t like it, but he was getting used to it.
“Okay, I’m ready….” Michael said when he had been that way for some while and when Ricky hadn’t said or done anything.
Ricky rose up and smiled.
“You look so hot,” he whispered and Michael shivered. “Just one small thing…” he said then and opened few buttons of his shirt. “… Now, that’s better.”
They came to the car and Ricky still refused to tell him why they were going to Boston. Michael sat in silent and looked at the scenery as they drove by. He tried to enjoy the beauty. He wanted to enjoy this brief moment. He tried to imagine that he was going on a holiday with his friends and that they all had fun. This was hard though, as he felt how Ricky placed his hand on his thigh and squeezed it at times.
It was Saturday and the clock was little after 4pm, when they finally drove to the yard of the big, White House. There was pure white snow on the ground, making it all look so sweet and innocent. Michael had a feeling as though that nothing was innocent once inside the house.
They came in and were greeted by a tall man who was about Ricky’s age. The man had brown hair and blue eyes. The man looked at him with that lustful way that he knew all too well by now. Michael felt ill.
“He looks good…very good…” the man smirked, keeping his eyes on him.
“Didn’t I tell you so?” Ricky grinned, standing behind Michael. Michael looked at them both, feeling scared. Then he looked at the door behind them and wondered if he could just run away from the place as far as he could.
“Well I better take the boy upstairs,” the man said and walked over to the stairs. The man stopped and looked back at him.
“Follow him,” Ricky ordered and Michael did just that after hesitating for awhile.
The man opened a door to one bedroom and kept the door open for him.
“Go inside,” He told him. Michael looked at him quickly; he knew that there was no point in fighting this now. He went inside, sighed deeply and heard the door behind him being closed and locked.
“Wow, you look stunning,” a sudden voice said. Michael turned to look towards the voice. On the bed of the large room, lay a boy, about his age. He had biscuit coloured hair and hazel eyes. Michael looked at him with surprise and the boy rose to sit.
“You must hear that all the time. I’m not good at meeting people for the first time. Let’s start over… Hey, I’m Jack.” Michael smiled to him, still feeling a little confused. He walked over to him and offered his hand for a handshake, which the other one took.
“I’m Michael. Nice to meet you?” Michael laughed slightly. This was really odd. He thought.
Jack looked at him and bent his head to the side.
“You talk like you’re British, but you don’t look like one,” he spoke. Michael grinned.
“Well, I am British. What are we suppose to look like?” Jack looked at him for a moment.
“More ugly. Not like this divine, most breathtaking male on the place of the earth, with the most beautiful eyes. I mean are you even human?” Jack asked and Michael couldn’t help but to laugh.
“Are you drunk?” he asked.
“No, I’m just being me. But seriously, are you real and are you really British?”
“Yes I’m real. Just so you know British people are not ugly! You should go there sometime and you would see that I’m right. And the truth to be told, I’m only a half British, I’m one quarter of Spanish and one quarter of Irish,” Michael told him. Jack smiled to him.
“Sit down,” Jack said, tapping the spot next to him on bed.
Michael sat on the offered spot.
“Well you’re right, you’re absolutely right. I love British, and I love Spanish and I just love Irish. I’ll go to England as soon as I have the free time in my schedule,” Jack said and then laughed to the irony of it. That would certainly be the day. If only he would have the chance to travel to anywhere.
”Where are you from?” Michael asked.
“Oh, I’m from Texas. How old are you?” Jack asked.
“I’m 17…and you?”
“I’m 19. Are you scared about tonight?” Michael looked at him with surprise; he had forgotten all of his questions and fears for why he was here.
“What? I mean…Um… What is going to happen tonight? Why are we here?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly.
“You don’t know?” It was Jack’s turn to be surprised.
“Ricky wouldn’t tell me,” Michael said quietly. His heart was racing with fear. `This is not good, this is not good…` his mind kept telling him. Jack stayed quiet for a while, before he began to speak.
“We are here, because there’s a ‘party’ this evening, we are here because we are whores. Their whores,” Jack said calmly.
Michael rose from the bed; he looked at the locked door and the window behind them. He wanted to go outside; he had to get away from there.
“What?!” he asked, panic raising in his mind. Maybe he should have known everything that Ricky had done and said, the video camera, those two men, that night.
“Calm down, I really thought that you knew,” Jack said softly.
“Maybe I should have guessed…but still…Whores!” he screamed.
Jack took a hand rolled cigarette from his pocket and lighted it and took a few puffs from it.
“Take this, it relaxes you,” Jack said and offered the weed to him. Michael took it looking little insecure.
”I have never smoked weed before,” He confessed. Jack grinned and raised his eyebrow.
“You are British and you never smoked pot before?” he asked.
“No, and I think that it’s safe to say that you really don’t know everything about all the British,” Michael laughed dryly.
“Well, okay, okay but now would be the perfect time to try it,” Jack smiled and Michael tasted it, taking two small puffs from it, he started to couch, he hadn’t even smoked a tobacco before.
“Don’t worry it’s your first time. It will ease from there on…Funny how that same goes for everything…” Jack laughed.
Michael sat back on the bed and gave the cigarette back to Jack. It seemed to have its affect on him already. His head felt so light.
“Doesn’t this bother you at all Jack?” he asked. Jack gave the pot back to him.
“Well… not that much… I guess I’m just so used to this already. I have been on my own since I was twelve. You had to take care of yourself had to get money so you could buy food. So, I started to sell myself,” Jack said and continued. “So I have been a whore for a long time now. Seven years already… yep.”
“Since you were twelve?! Oh, my god…I was still very happy being a child at that age,” Michael looked at him with shock.
“Yeah well, it wasn’t very pleasant, I can tell you that, but at least I got the food that I needed. And now I’m here. Joe is okay, I mean I get everything I need from him. I get food, a roof over my head, drugs. Things could be worse, that’s what I always think. I got all this and all I need to do is have sex with him and with some of his friends. In the end it doesn’t really matter who uses you and who beats you up when it would happen anyway.”
Michael was really upset after hearing this. He felt himself so stupid and he realised just how lucky he had been before in his life. Things may not have been perfect back then, but then again no one had the perfect life. At least he had been able to enjoy his childhood. He had had friends and loving parents. Now all that was lost from him.
“Jack… you… It does matter. Don’t you realise that? You don’t have to live your life like this. You shouldn’t have to live like this. There is so much more that you could do. You could be free of all of this…Don’t let them use you, or beat up you like that. There are people out there who wouldn’t do that,” he spoke.
“Oh, Michael, you’re so sweet. But I’m sorry to tell you that life doesn’t work out that way. And if we are so free to do all that, then why are you here with me? Why are you with Ricky? That man is a nightmare, isn’t he? And I can tell you this; he is someone you should be afraid of. As for me, well… This has been my life as long as I can remember and there’s no one back home to miss me. I don’t have a family. I don’t have friends and yes I’m afraid too and as I said, Joe isn’t that bad, not when we are alone anyway.”
“Oh God, Jack, I had everything. I did well at school, I had so many friends, good parents and then they found out that I was gay and it all just seemed to collapse from under me. My grandmother died, the only person who accepted me, and then I met Ricky and I thought. I really thought that he cared about me. I thought I had everything under control. And now all that, every dream and every change is gone… And what am I now? A whore? His whore!” Michael spoke quickly. He stared at the wall in front of him and started to laugh in hysteric manner. He laughed because he was high. He laughed even though he could have cried.
“Oh God, what would my parents say if they knew. Hey mom guess what? Your only child is a whore now. Isn’t that just great! Yeah, this is what I always wanted to be. A whore!” Michael laughed he lay down on his back on the bed.
Finally he stopped and stared at the ceiling above.
“Are you alright?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I`m hungry,” Michael spoke.
“There’s some food over at the table,” Jack told him. Michael looked at the direction that Jack showed. He fumbled up from the bed and walked over by the table.
“You should feed your whore well, so that he has the strength enough to work,” Michael snickered. He really was high. He took one banana in his hand and looked at it. Was there any other fruit that looked so perverted? `So this is how it feels like to be high,` he thought to himself. He felt so light, like he could swim in the air. Michael tried to clear his mind. He tried not to laugh, which was hard, because at that moment everything seemed to be so funny, even though it really wasn’t.
Michael ate a few pieces of bread and one apple. The juice of the fruit dripped down his jaw and he wiped it with his palm. He turned to look at Jack, who was grinning at him.
“What?” he asked still laughing.
“Oh, nothing, it’s just so fun to look at you,” Jack smiled.
“Well, okay then… You’re weird, did you know that?” Michael asked smiling to the other boy.
Time went by and Michael started to feel more nervous. He was pacing back and forth the room. Then he stopped in front of the window to look outside. It was so dark already, but the snow on the ground lighted up the sky just a little.
”A week from now and its Christmas,” he said after a long moment of silence. Jack, who lay on the bed, turned around to look at him.
”So it is…” Michael looked so sad, he was once again thinking about his family. He had always loved Christmas. Now there wouldn’t be any joy in it.
”Ricky didn’t tell you about Christmas either, now did he?” Jack asked.
”No, of course not…so what ‘fun’ surprise is waiting for us then?” Michael asked.
”Well actually, a small freedom from this. We get to stay at Joe’s place by ourselves. Ricky is going to visit his family and the same thing with Joe. Yes even Ricky has a family, shocking isn’t it?” Jack laughed. Michael smiled.
”Christmas without Ricky? Wow, that is the best news in ages!” Michael cried out happily.
“Great and happy news indeed.”
Michael sat beside Jack.
“It’s time. Don’t fear, just think about everything else and you’ll be all right,” Jack told him. He took some white powder and poured it on some disc and took a small pipe looking thing, which he placed in his nose. He sniffed the powder, his eyes closed.
“Do you want some?” he asked. Michael looked at him surprised.
“Um…no thanks, I don’t think I will,” he answered.
“Good, this stuff really isn’t good for you,” Jack laughed and put the things away.
Twenty minutes later, the same man who had brought him inside the room came to collect them. Apparently this was Joe; Michael reasoned after seeing how the man touched Jack and talked to him. There were four other men with Ricky once they got to downstairs. All of them were slightly drunk. Michael sat on a chair that was as far away from them as possible.
Joe whispered something to Jack, who nodded his head and moved to the blond man sitting on a sofa. Jack sat on his lap, legs on both of his sides. He kissed the man with passion and then took off his shirt. Michael didn’t know where to look or where to go. He felt the eyes of the others on him. Waiting for him to do something, but he didn’t want to do what Jack did. His palms was sweating; he clenched on the armrests tightly. He wanted run from there, but wasn’t sure if his legs would carry him.
The blond man that Jack was kissing suddenly looked straight at him. He whispered something to Jack and he turned to look at him too. Jack smiled, rose up and started to approach him. Michael felt his heart race. Jack sat on his lap just like he had sat on the other man’s lap. Michael couldn’t say a word as Jack’s lips came nearer to his. It was a feather like kiss at first. Jack leaned forward and pressed his lips tighter on his. Michael felt himself opening his lips and give Jack’s tongue the promise to enter his mouth. He responded to the kiss, enjoying it and forgetting their surroundings for that moment. He wanted to forget he wanted it to be like this forever. He felt Jack’s hands opening his shirt and came back to the reality. He felt fear coming back to him.
He pulled away from the kiss and looked into Jack’s almond shaped eyes. Jack leaned to kiss his neck then his jaw; he moved his lips softly to his ear.
“Don’t fear…” he whispered, so that they wouldn’t hear. “They want you.” Jack kissed the skin beside his ear. “Just close your eyes and imagine that you’re with me. That the whole time it’s just you and me…at the same time, I’ll be thinking of you and in that way we’ll almost be together…” Jack’s soft voice calmed him. He looked in his eyes once more and they kissed each other’s lips hoping that it wouldn’t have to end, that they really could be just by themselves. Jack rose up and pulled him with him. Jack took the shirt all the way off of him. He kissed the skin of his shoulder and just one more kiss on his lips before they were separated from each other. Jack returned to the blond man and gave him an encouraging smile, as he was being led away with Ricky and Joe. `Just close your eyes and think of something else,’ Michael told himself as the door closed after them.
Christmas eve came and they were alone with Jack in Joe`s apartment. Michael sat in front of the kitchen table as Jack placed the food on it. “Let`s pretend… Let`s imagine that we are rich and that this our home… that we are lovers,” Jack suggested.
Michael smiled to his new friend. “Okay, that sounds good.”
Jack brought two wine glasses to the table. “I think some wine would put us into the right mood,” he grinned before disappearing into the living room.
“Doesn`t Joe mind if you touch his drinks?” Michael asked when Jack came back with the red wine.
“Joe won’t notice, he has so many of these and besides; it`s Christmas tomorrow, so lets just enjoy tonight and worry about the consequences later…Oh, and could we also forget all about Ricky and Joe for tonight, okay?” Michael nodded his head and watched as Jack filled his glass with wine.
They ate and drank the wine, soon opening another bottle. Michael enjoyed the drunken feeling that he had, he felt so warm and relaxed inside. Wine really did its job. Jack looked at him closely.
“What are you looking at?” Michael asked smiling. Jack leaned backward on his chair.
“I was just thinking… You are just seventeen and well, just look at you; you are so incredibly beautiful already, and so I was just wondering how you might look like in five or ten years from now…” Michael blushed a little, never before would he have blushed because of a comment like this, but now, after what Ricky and some other men had done to him, he felt himself dirty and not worthy to look at.
“I think I look pretty afoul in that point; nothing but a decomposing body in a cold grave.” His thoughts had turned darker with each passing day. It was hard to keep up hope. Jack looked at him in a serious manner.
“Don’t you say that… You are going to live a long live, trust me.” Michael looked away from him.
“Well, I don’t know Jack…If live goes on like this, I…” Michael’s voice was weak and his eyes gazed somewhere into the emptiness.
“Are you thinking about suicide?” Jack asked carefully. Michael looked back at him with shame in his eyes. He nodded his head.
“I never would have even imagined to do something like that, not before when I…Well, now it’s different, there’s so much pain and I can’t…What if this is never going to stop? How many months? How many years? I want to go home…I want to be free and I…” Michael started to cry. Jack rose up and came to him. He kneeled in front of the younger boy and took a gentle hold of his hands.
“Don’t cry sweetheart and don’t you ever give up hope…One day, it will all be better, I promise…You are too pure and too good for this kind of life, but you are strong I can see it in you and I know that you’ll survive…” Jack wiped the tears from his eyes. Michael gave him a weak smile. “Someday you’ll meet someone, who truly deserves you, a man that will give you everything, who will make you smile and forget all of this and he will love you with everything that he is and he will know just how lucky he is to have you,” Jack said and smiled at him.
The kind words of Jack warmed him up and also made him a little a shamed for his tears.
“Thank you…and I’m sorry that I cried…There is so much more bad things happened to you and here you are comforting me and…” Jack placed his finger on his lips to stop him.
“Ssh…It’s okay…There is a big difference in you and me…This is the life I know, I made my choices long ago. I knew what I was doing and I know what I’m doing now. I am a whore, it was a choice I made and it’s okay, but for you it’s different. You didn’t choose this, any of this and this live is not for you, so don’t be ashamed of your tears because I understand.”
They came into the living room and Jack put some music on. He curled up behind Michael on the sofa. They laid in each others arms.
“Tell me about your family? What was your live like before you ended up on the street?” Michael asked, closing his eyes.
“Well…My mom had me when she was only eighteen. She was poor and a prostitute…Like mother, like son,” Jack laughed dryly. “We lived alone. My grandparents didn’t want anything to do with us and the man who got my mother pregnant abandoned her the minute that he found out…She was a good mother, a good woman…she may have been a thief and a prostitute, but for me she was a mother…She loved me, the only person who has ever truly loved me…She tried the best she could to give me a happy childhood.” Jack was quiet for a moment.
“Were you happy?” Michael asked.
“Yes…I remember many Christmases with her; she had saved or stolen some money and she made good food for us and we imagined that we were rich and that we had a lot of servants. My mom would tell me stories of how our lives would be like.” Jack smiled to the memory of her. “She was a good mother, a good woman,” he repeated.
“What happened to her?” Michael asked.
“Her latest boyfriend beat her to death when I was eleven…They placed me with some horrid foster parents and in the end I ran from there and you know the rest.” Jack kissed his neck, enjoying the warmth that was coming from the other boy’s body.
“I’m so sorry Jack, about what happened…You truly have gone through a lot,” Michael whispered; he had tears in his eyes that Jack soon wiped off.
“She is in a better place now…I have so many good memories of her, not many have even that.” Michael turned around to face him. He kissed Jack gently on the lips wanting to do something nice for the older boy. The kiss was just what they both needed; a soft and gentle kiss with no pressure to do anything further. They finally fell asleep still wrapped closely to one another.
Michael had been allowed to move somewhat freely outside and in the apartment. One wrong move and this so called freedom would be taken from him, so he tried to be as careful as he could. He tried to please the man, although every time he did so his mind screamed against him, hating the submitting creature that he was becoming.
That Friday afternoon he walked through the apartment feeling bored. He had done his regular morning exercise. ‘Keep your body in shape and your mind stays active,’ he remembered his grandmother’s words. After that he had ate and washed himself. He had been reading a book and watched some television and now, for an hour or so, he had just been bored as hell.
As he was pacing trough the apartment, he finally stopped to the door that was usually kept locked, but now he saw the key in it. He watched the door with surprise and interest. He had wondered for so long what could be found inside and why he wasn’t allowed to go inside and now the opportunity to find out presented itself. He could just turn the key inside the lock and he would finally find out. The temptation was great. ‘Curiosity is what killed the cat,’ he thought, but noticed that his hand still was reaching towards the door. He was sure that he had the time to search the place, before Ricky came home. Michael pushed the door open; it was dark inside and he had to turn on the lights.
He came inside; the black curtains were drawn closed. On the right side of the room were high shelves with videotapes on them. There were so many of those. There was a table against the window, with computer on it; the computer had an internet connection. On the left side of the room was a black sofa and in front of it; a big TV with VCR. Michael also saw the video camera in the far corner and felt himself shiver from the mere sight of it.
Michael came to the shelves. He looked at the videotapes with different names and years on each of them. The oldest one was from 1973 and it had the name Evan on it. Michael guessed what he would probably see on the tapes and felt himself shiver again from revulsion. He also knew that somewhere was the tape with his name on it.
He opened one closet door and saw an expensive looking camera on one of the shelves. Then he saw an old shoebox and opened it up, it was full of photographs wit naked young men and teen-aged boys who didn’t look comfortable in their position. Michael felt slightly ill and wished that he hadn’t seen them. He pushed the box back to the shelf. A part of him wished that he could find the photographs and the tapes of himself and could destroy them, maybe then he could be free?
Then he saw another dusty old box, which had the same name he had seen in one of the tape: Evan. He took the box and went to sit on the couch. He opened the box slowly and saw old pictures on top. He took them out for a closer look. The firs one was black and white picture, where two small boys sat in the garden, he looked behind the picture; Evan and Ricky; July 1965.
In the next picture there was just Evan, it looked like an old school picture and the boy was about ten years old in that one. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes. The boy smiled widely, a perfect smile. The same boy was in all the other pictures too and in some of them he was with Ricky.
The picture that was dated; 6.8.1973, Evan sat on a chair beside a pool, he had only his swimming trunks on. The boy looked straight into the camera and smiled. Michael looked at this picture for along time and then he remembered Ricky’s words. “You remind me of someone I used to know.” He then saw all the similarities with the boy in the photo and himself. There were no more pictures of him after 1973. Michael looked what else was in the box; old school notebooks with the name: Evan Brisley on them and some old letters that were addressed to Ricky. Michael took one of the letters and looked at it briefly before deciding to open it and read what it said. It looked like woman’s handwriting:
I have been meaning to write to you for such a long time now, to thank you for the help and support that you and your family have given to us. I think you understand though, my reasons for why it has taken me so long to write this to you. These past few months have been the toughest ones of our lives and I know you share this feeling and hurt with us. The sorrow will probably never leave us, but I have my fate that we’ll learn how live with this.
My first born, my beloved son is gone and I still have a hard time in truly accepting it. I can’t understand his reasons for why he did what he did. Why did a so happy and loving boy become so gloomy, so dark, that he didn’t see any other way out? I know that you must be just as puzzled about this as we are; after all we talked about this in his funeral. My thoughts still don’t run quite clear enough, and there isn’t a moment that passes by, that I wouldn’t ask from God and myself; why?
You were his best friend for so long and you have always helped us. There aren’t words enough to describe how grateful we are to you. You truly are one of the dearest and good hearted young men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I’m so tired of this hurt and agony, I just can’t understand. I pray to God that I would someday find out his reasons, and I pray Him for that dear Evan, would now be in a place much better than this one.
We are moving soon. There is just too many memories and too much pain in this house. I have come to the realization that the most painful ones of these memories are all of the good ones. The memories of my son, who will never walk through that door again, even when there is a part of me that still expects him to do so at any minute. I can’t understand why my heart refuses to believe his death. After all, I saw his body, I saw him and I touched that cold skin, there was so much blood…I still have nightmares about that moment and I think I always will.
I’m writing this to you in the kitchen of our old house, I have just finished cleaning poor Evan’s room and packing all of his things together. I took me ages until I could even go there. When I tried before, I always cried so hard I almost couldn’t breath. But now all is ready and we can soon leave this house forever. I’ll send you some pictures that I found of you two together. I also have some of his things that I’ll give to you as a memory of your best friend. You truly were his dearest friend and he loved you so much!
I will invite you and your family for dinner on some evening, when we have everything ready in our new home. I will give you these things there. I hope that we will see you soon! God bless you!
With love: Mrs. Emily Brisley
Michael placed the letter back into the box and looked at the picture of the boy by the pool. Only six months later the boy’s mother writes a letter to Ricky, calling him dear and good hearted, which Michael knew that the man was anything but. But Ricky could easily fool people into believing that. Michael couldn’t help but to wonder if Ricky had anything to do with Evan’s death. `Why he did what he did.` With his possible suicide? He looked at the picture once more. The boy in this picture looked happy, genuinely happy; you could see it in his eyes. Why would he have killed himself?
He placed all the pictures back into the box and brought it back to the closet. He came to the video shelves and took the tape that had Evan’s name on it. His hands were shaking slightly as he put the tape into the VCR and turned the TV on. He was scared of what he would see. He sighed with relieve as an innocent looking home video came into to the view. There wasn’t any voices and the quality of the tape wasn’t very good. There was some kind of party going on beside the pool of the magnificent house. People walked pass the camera, smiled and waved. Then the picture focused on the same boy that had been in the photographs. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and black shorts. The boy grinned to the camera and made funny faces. A blond haired little girl came up to him and gripped his leg, the girl said something and the boy smiled widely to her, he lifted the girl up in the air and spinet her around. They both laughed. Close up of the boys beautiful face. He placed the girl back onto the ground, took her hand in his and they started to walk toward the table with food on it. The camera focused on the boy’s butt as he walked. Then the boy turned his head to who ever was filming said something and then laughed. ‘This boy is dead, now, has been so for a long time and he didn’t live long after this was filmed,’ Michael thought feeling sad for the boy and the little girl, who stayed near him, smiling. It seemed like he was her older brother.
Ricky came home from work. He placed his briefcase on the floor quietly and walked toward the room he usually kept locked. He saw that the door was slightly open and an evil grin appeared on his face. He opened the door very quietly and looked at the boy whose back was turned to him. Then his eyes fixed to the TV screen, where he saw his friend, his friend who had died so many years ago. It had happened 25-years ago. The memories came back to him;
Evan Brisley had been his best friend since they were seven years old. Ever since Ricky had been a small child, he had been taught to appreciate beauty and that he truly did. The appreciation had grown to be more like lust and was that even more as the years went by. Evan had always been beautiful and Ricky had noticed him in the crowd of others and he had wanted him. He had wanted to be near that beauty and to be his friend.
Evan, who was from a poor family, was very taken from the attention he was receiving from the rich and very popular boy. So they had become friends, very close and good friends. Evan’s father, who had been unemployed for a long time, was now offered a job from Ricky’s fathers company because of this new friendship between their sons. The whole Brisley family had been extremely grateful to their new friends.
As the years went on, Evan’s beauty increased and Ricky noticed that he was looking at his friend in a whole new light; craving and lusting for something more than just the simple friendship. From a child, who had always got everything that he could possible want or need, grow a young man, who didn’t care about anything but himself when it came to the things that he wanted.
The lust for his friend kept on growing with each passing day. And at first the teenager didn’t quite know what was it that he actually wanted from his friend, but soon it became very clear to him. The lust became so powerful that it soon went beyond sense and taught morals. He had been Evan’s friend right until the day he finally decided that it was time to take just what he wanted from him. Evan hadn’t noticed the change in his friend. He was so pure, so innocent and good, everything that Ricky wasn’t. Ricky had been so thrilled when he had thought about this goodness, this angelic beauty, that he would bring down to misery and reality of the hard world.
Ricky remembered the night perfectly. His parents had left him to take care of the house while they went on to a trip. His parents never said no to anything that he had dared to ask, they had spoiled him. So when he said he wanted to stay home, to spend some time by himself they let him do just that.
Evan came to spend the night in the manor with Ricky, when Ricky asked him to do so. It had annoyed Ricky beyond words that his best friend had recently started to spend even more time with the “love of my live” as Evan called her. Ricky hated the girl; Lily. He hated how happy and how in love the two of them were, but that would change soon enough.
They swam in the pool and ate outside. As the night grew colder they came back inside. Ricky offered Evan something to drink from the wide selection of his father’s bar, which the other one took happily. The boy had never drunk much, but this time Ricky made sure that he did. He kept on filling his glass up and was very careful with his own drinking. Evan laughed even more as he was getting drunker. They were joking and having fun like they always were, or so Evan thought. He didn’t see what was really going on inside his friend’s mind. Ricky could only think of how beautiful and sexy Evan was that night.
He led his friend up into his bedroom and lifted him onto his bed. He took the shoes and the socks off of his friend as he was still laughing. Evan didn’t have any idea of what was really going on. Ricky then took his own shoes and socks away too and then came next to his friend on the bed.
“Why are we on your bed?” Evan asked with drunken voice, but he had still laughed. Ricky looked into his eyes and smiled.
“Because, you’re tired…” he answered and Evan laughed and he laughed with him. Ricky started to open the zip of Evan’s shirt.
“What are you doing?” Evan asked still amused, but he had stopped laughing.
Ricky then moved to sit on his friend’s hip, locking him in place with his legs. He kissed the skin that was revealed from under his opened shirt.
“Ricky?!” Evan cried out with surprise. Ricky didn’t say anything to this. He started to open the belt and the buttons of his friends jeans.
“Ricky, what are you doing?! I want to get up,” Evan said, sounding more nervous than ever before.
“I’m taking what I have desired from you for along time,” Ricky told him with a husky voice. It was too late to turn back now. Evan squirmed under him as he tore all of his clothes off of him. Ricky took his own shirt off and opened his jeans. He pressed his body against his friend’s so that Evan could feel his erect cock on his naked thigh.
Evan started to cry.
“Ricky, stop this, I want to get up, please…” he pleaded his friend and looked with horror into his almost black eyes. He had never seen Ricky’s eyes look so dark before.
“Oh, I want you so bad Evan, you have no idea…” Ricky said lustfully and forced his lips on his. He licked the tears away that had fallen on Evan’s face.
“Ricky, no…Please…what’s wrong with you?” Evan cried. He tried to flee, but was much weaker now that he was drunk. Ricky flipped him over to his stomach. He heard how Evan prayed for him to stop this, he heard how he cried and it just made him feel even more excited. He had the total power of this situation and it felt intoxicating. He entered inside his friend with very little preparation and Evan cried hard from the agony. Ricky felt some pain too and it made him feel angrier. He began thrusting inside with force, feeling his friend starting to bleed, the blood of his friend made it feel better for him. Then finally he came, and it was the best orgasm he had ever had.
He rolled off of his friend’s body and laid there beside him. Evan still cried weakly, his body trembling, not able to move because of the shock and the pain. Ricky watched how his own seed and Evan’s blood run down on Evan’s thighs. He was only 16-years old and it was his first rape, he had loved the power and wanted more of it. It had been perfect.
The next morning Ricky drove Evan back to his home. Evan stayed quiet for the whole ride; his eyes looked so empty and hurt.
“You know that no one will believe you, if you tell them what happened. It would only bring troubles to your family,” Ricky told him as they arrived in front of Evan’s home. Evan nodded his head in defeat, not wanting to look at his friend ever again. Without saying a word Evan rose and left the car. Ricky watched him going inside before driving away.
Two weeks later, when Evan was home alone, Ricky came to him and he had raped him again on the boy’s own bed. He told him that he would come back when he would want more. Evan cried in despair, but Ricky didn’t care of how hurt he was. He had gotten just what he had wanted.
On July 31. 1973, Evan had called him and asked him to come over.
“The front door is open, come straight into my room,” Evan had said with an empty voice and hung up the phone. Ricky had gone to the house, were no one besides Even had been home. He walked into his friend’s room just like he had told him to do. Evan laid on the bed on his side, his legs dangled over the edge. The wall and his pillow were red from the blood and the gun, that just moments ago had ended his life, hanging loosely in his left hand.
Ricky had looked at the corpse and walked nearer to it. He sat onto the floor, beside Evan’s bed. He had touched the skin that was still slightly warm, but he could feel how the warmth soon began to disappear. “Poor, naive Evan,” he said and then saw the letters on his desk. One was for him, one for Evan’s family and one for his girlfriend Lily. Ricky opened the letter that was for him. “Can you see now what you did to me? My body will not be yours to torture anymore! Rot in hell Ricky!”
Ricky smirked and looked at the corpse of his friend. “You silly, silly boy…I’m still here, you’ll rot there much more quickly than I will.”
-Flash back ends-
Ricky didn’t feel any guilt about what he had done. He hadn’t forced Evan to kill himself, it was his choice and his choice alone. Ricky didn’t really have any conscience, he didn’t believe in hell nor did he believe in heaven or God. He believed in live here and now, after one died, there was nothing. Life was a game, in which he was one of the winners. He understood the game of life perfectly. He lived for himself, for his own pleasure and nothing else mattered to him, but you had to play a role for the others in order to survive in this game.
Finally Ricky had called the cops and to Evan’s parents. He had made his voice sound very panicked and upset. He had made himself cry and shiver very convincingly. He had played the role of a grieving best friend and he had done it excellently. No one had ever found out what had really happened between him and Evan. And Evan had kept it silent even in the moment of his death, even with the last goodbyes to his beloved family.
Ricky wondered would Evan have kept it silent, if he had known that Ricky would stay in the lives of his family and friends. He was still in touch with them; with Linda, his baby sister, who looked up to him now like she had looked up to Evan, and with Lily; Evan’s `true love`. The girl who had cried against his shoulder over the loss of her lover. Lily had never really gotten over it. And Evan’s parents were now already dead like their son.
Ricky looked at his friend on the TV screen; there were times that he did miss him, his best friend. Ricky stepped into the room and walked over to Michael. Michael turned to look at him with fear.
“You broke my rules again, you naughty boy,” Ricky scolded him with a wicked smile on his lips. Michael swallowed hard as Ricky sat beside him onto the couch. The man moved his hand to touch his face.
“Those eyes, so much likeness…so beautiful, so angelic,” Ricky whispered.
“W-what happened to him?” Michael asked before thinking about it.
“To Evan? The stupid boy killed himself when he couldn’t handle a little fun,” Ricky smirked as he saw Michael’s eyes widen in horror.
“Yes, I raped him. I just took what belonged to me, what I wanted.” As he said that, Ricky pulled him closer and pressed him on his back on the couch. He then pressed his own body tightly on his and kissed his lips, it was a violent kiss. Michael felt more horror and more fear towards the man than ever before. He tried to flee, but the man was so much stronger than he was. Ricky was going to take him right there and then and he could not do anything to stop him.
It was rough and violent sex, just like most times with Ricky. Michael squeezed his eyes closed and didn’t try not to scream. He knew by now that the man wanted to hear his pain, he wanted him to hurt. Michael tried to flee inside his own sanctuary. He thought about Ireland, remembered how the Atlantic-ocean hit against the cliffs, he remembered how the sand felt under bare feet, he remembered his mother telling him stories before bedtime…Tony flying a kite with him…He tried to think about everything else, but that monster, who had hurt his friend so bad, that he might as well have killed him himself. He knew now what evil truly was.