14-16 Love and broken hearts

Chapter 14.

Maybe I should have gone to my sister’s place instead of home, I think as I step inside and start removing my shoes.

“Jesse?” My mother calls with tired voice from the living room.
“Yeah mom, it’s me.” I hear her footsteps coming closer. She looks tired, dressed in her baby blue silk robe that dad got her for last Christmas. I forgot that she would wait up for me like she did before when I lived at home.

“I was worried, do you realize what time it is?” She asks.
“5.30?” I offer, trying to hide my face.
“Yes it’s 5.30 am and I’ve been worried sick about you, I couldn’t sleep, Jesse. Why aren’t you answering your cell?”
“I-, I didn’t hear it ring.” I mutter, feeling guilty, she always manages to make me feel guilty and she always manages to make me feel so young. I hate this feeling.
She sighs. I try to sneak past her to the bathroom. Honestly, I’m a grown man, I’ve lived on my own for a year and still she still treats me like a baby sometimes, times like these.
“Where were you?” She asks, following me.
“Mom, I really need to use the bathroom, may I, please?” I ask with annoyed voice.
“Alright, I still want to talk with you though, and I’ll fix you something to eat, you must be hungry.”

I look at my face in the mirror; my right cheek is bruised from the hit I took. Great, just fucking great. Then I realise that I could be looking much worse right now and suddenly a small bruise is not that big deal, though it does sting.

“Oh my God, What happened to your face?” Mom asks once I get to the kitchen. She reaches out to touch me.
“Oh that? It’s nothing really, I was-“
“Did Joni hit you, because if he did then I’ll swear to God that…”
“No, he did not.” I answer quickly.

“Well someone obviously did and I want to know who.” She says and sits down opposite me. I can’t think of what to answer, I just stare at the two cheese sandwiches and a glass of milk placed on the table in front of me.
“I don’t want to talk about it, it’s nothing, it happened and now it’s over and I’ll never see that guy again.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Nothing you say? Some man hit my baby and he says it’s nothing!”
“Mom, please…” I really don’t want to go back there. “I’m fine, I am, it’s just a small bruise.”

“Where is this world coming to?” She asks shaking her head. “All the criminals roaming down the streets, I told you to be careful Jesse… oh honey, you shouldn’t be out so late, I’ve read the papers you know, just last week some girl was found dead; murdered! And… You didn’t go with strangers did you sweetheart? Haven’t I warned you about strangers, those sexual predators going after young people and….”
“Mom, please stop. I’m fine; see.” She looks at me.
“A bruise on your face does not make you fine.”
“I’m tired, don’t feel that hungry. Um, I’ll talk with you tomorrow, okay mom? And I really am fine, it was just a stupid thing, an accident really. I was just standing at the wrong place at the wrong time.” I kiss her forehead. “And you should stop waiting up to me, I’m a grown man already, I’ll soon find my own place again. I love you mom.”

“You’re a teenager, that’s what you are. And I will never stop worrying about you no matter how old you are, or where you live. Mothers just work that way sweetie, who knows, maybe someday you’ll understand.” She smiles just a little. I look at her not sure what to say so I just whisper her a good night. “Sleep well.” She answers.

My sleep is restless, too many thoughts, too much stress. I think of Joni and then I keep thinking about Marko; I’m still so confused. It shudders me to think what might have happened just few hours ago if Marko hadn’t shown up when he did.

I don’t think that I even thanked him properly I was just too ashamed of the whole situation. I wonder what he thinks of me now and why the hell do I worry about what this male Paris Hilton thinks about me? Then I remind myself that he really isn’t the brainless blond that I used to think he was. But still, he is the guy my boyfriend cheated on me with…ex-boyfriend, I quickly correct myself… Anyway I shouldn’t be thinking about him, I shouldn’t be thinking about how soft his lips are, I shouldn’t be thinking of the prettiness of his eyes that sometimes seem to change their color, are they more green or blue? I haven’t been able to make up my mind on that… This is so frustrating! I can’t get him out of my mind! -Why? I should be thinking about Joni more than him, didn’t I love Joni? Didn’t that guy just break my heart? If so, then why am I thinking about the guy half responsible for this?… What am I supposed to do? What am I suppose to feel?



I try to be quiet when I step in, if I’m lucky, dad has passed out from drinking. But of course I can never be lucky, luck has never walked by my side. I hear him coughing. I walk into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I hear his footsteps, soon his figure emerges at the doorway. I glance at him quickly, feel his stare on me, the despise he feels for me.
“The whore is back I see.” He says with drunken voice, I remain quiet. I hear him coming closer and turn around quickly to face him. He looks at me. “Did they even pay you?” He asks then. I grit my teeth together.
“Yes father, they paid me well, more money than you can ever imagine. It was an orgy, great orgy, I’m hardly able to sit anymore.” I answer; whatever I do or say, he insist on calling me a whore, so fine, let it be so. “There was a group of foreigners, all of them black.” I start then, immediately his face darkens, I smile at him. “They all fucked me and I begged for more, I begged papa.” That’s when he slaps my face hard.
“Stupid worthless whore, you truly are like her!” He shouts and I quickly leave to my room. Locking the door after me, I can still hear him shouting. Tears fill my eyes, there was a time, such a long time ago, when we were a family. A time when he held me in his arms, telling me he loved his golden son, telling me how proud he was of me. Those times are lost in the ashes forever…

Slowly I undress myself, draw the curtains down as there’s too much light coming from outside. I lie down, I think of him. Poor Jesse, he is just too sweet for a world like this. He is so good, so innocent, I wanted to kill that guy for trying to take that away from him. You can abuse and use me, but leave the sweet people like Jesse out of it. I love him. I wish I hadn’t been such an arsehole and slept with Joni. But what’s done is done, it can’t be changed and I am alone with my father who hates my guts. What the fuck am I going to do with my life?


Okay, I just can’t let it go. I just have to see him, I have to thank him, I cannot get my peace before I have. This has nothing to do with that sweet arse of his and my urge to squeeze it…ups…Really, ignore that thought…

So here I am, after some searching I have the home address of Marko Lilja and I’m standing in front of the very door that would lead me to him, into his life. I ring the doorbell with a trembling hand. I hear voices, I hear someone walking closer. The lock turns open, the door soon after it. Green blue eyes stare into mine in surprise.
“Jesse.” He breaths out.
“Who is it Marko? Another one of those men? Coming to tell you what a worthless whore you are?” A man’s voice calls from inside. Marko looks embarrassed; he opens his mouth, looks back.
“I love you too dad!” He says then, surprising me.

“Come in.” He says and steps from my way, keeping the door open. I do as he says, the door closes after me. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence. “How are you Jesse?” He asks looking at my cheek; the bruise is starting to fade, but I see one on his cheek.
“I’ fine, but you…” I start, he brings his hand to touch the bruise on him.
“It’s nothing, nothing new Jesse, just ignore it, I know most people do,” He looks around, I hear the footsteps of another nearing. Marko takes my hand quickly. “Come, let’s go to my room.” He says. I kick my shoes off in a hurry and follow him.

He closes the door and locks it.
“Sorry, I’m not going to jump on you or anything by locking the door, it’s just to keep my dad from bugging us….Um, so…?” He looks at me and sits on his bed. I quickly take a look around in the room; a poster of a Johnny Depp, one with Brad Pitt, a computer, desk, a bed… green and blue…
“Johnny Depp is my favorite actor plus he’s hot and Brad Pitt… Well, he’s hot and he’s a good actor too.” He explains.
“Yeah.” I smile and take a look of the bookshelf that actually does carry books on it.
“I like to read sometimes, I guess that surprised you, huh?” He asks. I smile at him.
“It did yeah, sorry…”
“No problem, I do act silly quite often so no wonder…” He says and smiles back. ”You can sit down, you know.” He says then.

“Oh, right,” I sit on the bed edge, leaving some space between us.
“So?” He says and only then I realise that I’ve been quiet for quite some time.
“Oh, um… yes… I- I wanted to thank you Marko, for what you did… For…” I look at him nervously.
“There’s no need to thank me, Jesse.” He says. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get there sooner…” He stops in mid sentence, stops to listen. “My dad.” He whispers then.

“Do you want me to take my clothes off?” He suddenly asks.
“Wha-?” He places his finger on my lips.
“Like this, you want me to do it like this? Mmm… Oh yes, you’re so hot Jesse, ah…give me more, more!” I look at him as though he’s lost his mind. “Do it baby, now, now! Aaah!” He starts jumping on the bed making it creak. His lips are open and he’s moaning, suddenly he opens his eyes, looks at me. “Move with me…” he whispers and takes my hand. I don’t know why I do it, but suddenly I’m there, jumping on the bed as well. I listen to his moaning, I watch the look on his face; disturbingly erotic and suddenly I feel myself being rock hard. How the hell does he do this?
“Oh yes, harder, harder, right there, that’s the spot oh baby! AAAHH” And then he drops on his back on the bed and giggles. I hear hurried steps from behind the door, some horrified muttering. I look at him with my mouth open, it’s my dick that does the thinking now.
“Would you like to go out with me, on a date?” I ask quickly.

Chapter 15.

God my head hurts, maybe I overdid again? The drinking I mean… I groan as I try opening my eyes; why is it so bloody dark? Last night after seeing Jesse, I was quite pissed off, well more like upset really, and so I drank, and I drank…I don’t remember much what happened… In fact I don’t remember how I got home, for example.

I try to move, but somehow I can’t. Exhausted I let my forehead meet with the pillow, I still can’t see a thing, and my eyes are open, I’m quite sure that they are… My arms are aching, probably have slept in this same position all night and that is why the ache so badly. I try to move them, from above my head, but again, something stops me.

Well, this is weird. I try to turn around, so that I would lie on my back, but no… I can’t do that either. Alright… Take a deep breath. Wait a minute… This is not how my home smells like…

“Finally awake, I see?” A man’s voice suddenly says, the accent… The man certainly isn’t Finnish. I snap my head to the voice and then it becomes perfectly clear to me; the reason I can’t see is because I’m wearing a blindfold, reason I can’t move my arms or turn around is because they have been tied up onto the bedpost with a robe.

“Who the fuck are you? I demand you to untie me this instant.” I spit tensely, trying to pull my arms free, with no success.
“Don’t you remember?” The voice asks, amused. I feel as he sits down on the bed, unnerving feeling. At least I’m not like completely nude; there’s a blanket drawn up to my waist and I can feel that I’m wearing boxers. “Oh well, I suppose it’s all the alcohol you drank last night, I won, you see.”
“Won what?”
“I drank you under the table just like I told I would, but you didn’t seem to believe me and…”
“And so I won Joni. I get the prise, well I would have, but you passed out and being the gentleman that I am, I thought it would be decent to wait until you wake. Now you finally have.”

A soft breeze, the blanket is drawn away, I feel cold.
“I don’t remember this, you’re nuts, and you’ve won nothing.”
“Aww, and you were such a good boy last night…”
“Boy, I’m no fucking boy to you.” The voice of this person; he can’t be much older than I am. His hand moves on my butt and starts rubbing it. “Hey, take your bloody hand off!”
“But I won, we made a bet and I won, are you really such a poor loser that you’re going to deny it from me?”

I try desperately to remember the events of the previous night, but I can’t. The voice does sound somewhat familiar, but I can’t get the face. Who is this guy? What if he’s some horribly fat, ugly and sweaty Russian? Oh God, I could just throw up from the mere thought. But the fact is that he has a voice nice enough and there is no way I would go voluntarily with some ugly bastard…

What if I’ve been drugged? Kidnapped? What if this guy wants… to steal my liver!?! And my other organs and sell them in the black market, oh horror!… Then he starts removing my boxers and I wake to the reality of things; I’m soon without any clothes whatsoever, I’m lying on my stomach, my wrist tied onto the bedpost, tightly together… It is not my liver that he’s after … Oh dear God; my cherry!!!

“Hey, stop it!” I try to struggle myself free, not really realising how pointless it is. He pulls my boxers down to my ankles and then removes them completely and chuckles.
“I’m not going to rape you.” He whispers to my ear as he runs his hand down on my spine to my buttocks. Somehow I’m not that convinced…

“Let me go! What do you think you’re doing?” I feel his finger caressing the skin around my opening… He can’t, he couldn’t? I’m always the top, never the bottom, NEVER!
“Now Joni, we had so much fun last night, don’t you remember? We even washed for this, you wanted it… You so wanted this…”
“You fucking liar!”
“The agreement Joni…” I can hear how he enjoys this by the sound of his voice, his finger; teasing my hole. “I promised to get you drunk; I said I have some vodka, remember that?” I shake my head as a no. Groan as his finger slowly moves in.

“Well we got here…mmmh” He starts moving his finger inside me, nothing that I do will help me to get it out. “You are tight, aren’t you?” He purrs.
“You fucking bastard!”
“That’s not what you said last night, I believe that last night you were quite…quite lustful in fact, where is that lustful man I brought in here?”
“Fuck…” I grit my teeth’s together as a second finger is added.
“Indeed… Anyway, the deal was that the one who drinks the other one under the table gets to be the top… And you agreed, but unfortunately, before I could claim my win, you had passed out completely. And trust me when I say, last night you were wanton. I think you even wanted me to win,” I can almost see the grin on his face, I just wish I knew what kind of a face it was.

“That’s ridiculous, I- I don’t do this, I won’t do this! I’m not going to take it up there.” The guy is obviously making things up, there’s no way I would ever want to take it up my arse, just no way.
Though I do dimly remember Jesse saying something similar to me once, once that we had been drinking and next morning he claimed that I would have promised to let him top me, that I had even suggested it… But honestly; they all lie! Lie I tell you!
“Ah, but my dear, you will enjoy this, I will make sure of that.” His fingers move out, thank God! Though by what he said, I-… Suddenly I feel the oil on me, there; inside and his fingers return.

“Take them off! Let me go!”
“You sure whine a lot, don’t you?” He chuckles again as he shoves his fingers deeper and harder, I moan helplessly. Oh God it feels good, I feel myself harden and I bury my face against the pillow. I can’t believe I’m actually starting to enjoy this.

“Please, just tell me:are you fat?” I can’t help myself, the idea of some fat bastard taking my cherry, while I lay there helplessly is just too horrifying. Again he laughs, pulls his fingers out, I feel as he moves on the bed and suddenly there is another body on top of mine, silky and warm skin and definitely no fat.
“Do I feel like fat to you?” He purrs to my ear, and moves his hips so that his cock rubs my buttocks; he’s huge! I bit my lip and only shake my head. I am beginning to enjoy this situation far too much. I’m sick, sick, sick. This guy has me tied down and blindfolded, he could do what ever he wants, he could kill me, rape me, anything and I’m aroused?! I have no memory of this guy or what happened, I do not know where I am. I’m completely under this stranger’s mercy, stranger with a sexy voice and what appears to be quite a sexy body… It’s like I’m not sure if I should be more frightened or aroused. My heart beats madly as he groans and as his cock teases my opening. I’m trembling, not sure what I want anymore.
Suddenly he moves down and starts licking my skin, my butt. Again his thumb moves in and out.
“You bastard.” I try hissing at him, but it’s more like a moan of pleasure. Then he bites me, he bloody bites me! I scream and snap my head up, trying to kick him off, but he stays like that nipping and sucking on my left buttock and most definitely bruising me, leaving a mark.
“You fucking piece of shit! You fucking crazy arse!” I yell, he holds me in place by grasping my hips, still not letting go; that bruise will last for weeks! Then he finally stops and laughs quietly, stroking the bruised skin.
“You do have a bad mouth, I should spank you.” He says then, moves his hand on my right buttock and slap! Again I scream and again he laughs.
“You annoying dick! I’m supposed to leave with my family to a cabin this weekend, how do you expect me to go to the sauna with my father with that biting bruise on my arse?!” He chuckles.
“Does your father often stare at your arse?” He asks, close to my ear again. God he is an annoying prick.
“Well it’s kind of hard not to notice when one is naked!”
“True, and that was the reason why I did bite you, I like to mark what is mine.” There is this annoying sweetness in his voice.
“Yours!? Well I ain’t one of them, so leave my butt alone.”
“You’ll soon be mine, and that does not include leaving your precious butt alone, very much the opposite I’m afraid.” I hear as he takes something, he sits on my butt, one leg each side. A condom?

After a moment he lies back against me, his hand guiding the head of his hard organ on my prepared opening.
“Don’t you even try…” I hiss as a warning.
“I want your cherry… are you ready?”
“No!” I hiss as he starts thrusting in, failing at first, but then using more strength he gets the head in and I scream. He places his hands on my hips again, another deep thrust and he’s in completely. Tears fill my eyes, it bloody hurts! And I can’t believe that guy just stole my cherry, I’ve managed to keep my arse’s virginity this long; for 23 years! And now some fucking Russian, who’s obviously interested in some bondage action, stole it!!! Uuh, I’m mad as hell.

“It will be okay, just relax, soon you’ll enjoy this,” He whispers. First thrusts are painful then the pain eases, it feels strange, uncomfortable perhaps… I tremble under him and moan quietly. Then suddenly he finds my sweet spot; my moans of pain change into moan of pleasure. My erection returns to full power.
I find myself soon begging him to move faster and harder and he does. It is somehow extremely hot, being there helpless, not even able to see, being used so…. He pulls me up on my knees, my head still resting down, he brings his hand to stroke me. I feel like I’m going crazy from all the pleasure.

He groans, moans and sweats on me. I feel as my own orgasm reaches me, and my neck bends back as I cum, moaning, panting. He pulls out, I can hear him removing the condom, his organ strokes my skin and soon he erupts on me whit a loud groan of pleasure. He falls down next to me and lays there for a time that does make me worry if he’s ever going to let me go.

Finally I feel him shifting and reaching out to untie me, hi kisses the skin behind my ear almost affectionately. When my hands are free I have no time to act before he pulls me full against himself, on his lap, holding me tightly. I try struggling a little, but he holds me tight and waits until I calm down.
“Now, I’m going to remove this blindfold so just relax.” I act as though I’m alright and calm myself down. His hands move up, I remain still though I could try escaping. He removes the blindfold gently and I blink my eyes at the sudden brightness, but as soon as I get my sense back together I jump up from the bed, from his lap.

I turn quickly to look at this man, stunned, as I find myself looking at this gorgeous well build blond, who grins at me wickedly. He sits on the bed still naked, his grey eyes staring straight at me.
“Well wasn’t that fun?” He asks, breaking the silence that has lasted for too long.
“You arse! Do you often kidnap people and rape them?!” I snap, feeling quite confused by everything. Again he laughs.
“It was hardly a rape and you can’t kidnap the willing.”
“Oh so I was willingly tied down and blindfolded?”
“You were passed out.” He smiles. “And we did talk about it before you did.”
“Oh really?! Why don’t I remember any of this? How should I believe you? I don’t know you!”
“You really forgot everything didn’t you? Oh well, I might as well introduce myself again since we’re going to see each others more often from now on. I’m Misha, but my friends call me Vodka.” Again he grins as he holds out his hand for me. I stare at him.

“Vodka?!” And then I laugh. “I should have guessed.” Mental note to oneself; never accept drinking competition from a man who likes to call himself Vodka.

“And what do you mean see each other more often? I can assure you, this….” I point at the bed and shake my hands in the air, “is never going to happen again!” He merely grins, his eyes travel down on my body and then I remember my naked state. I quickly bull a cover from the bed to cover myself. “Now, where are my clothes?” He stands up walks closer like a predator, I step back. He stands on my level, maybe he’s even a bit taller than me; the bastard! No one should be allowed to be taller than me! There should be some law against it. My back hits the wall, he smiles as he presses himself against me.

“Before I forget; Cecilia Lumme says hi,” He says then as he kisses my neck. What?… I mean what?? Cecilia? Jesse’s sister?! Oh that bitch is evil! EVIL!! I push him strongly away and go in the search of my clothes.
He follows me, I find my boxers and put them on.

He walks past me in another room and soon returns with the rest of my clothes. I take them forcefully from his hands.
“Now Joni, I’ve heard the rumours about you and that has got to stop. I am a jealous man and I don’t want you sleeping around, understand?” I simply glare at him as I keep dressing. The guy may be handsome but he’s also crazy apparently. “I am watching you, just so you know, I have friends Joni…”
“Oh do you now? I find that quite surprising.” I retort interrupting him.
“Anyway as I said, I have friends and if you still can’t keep your pants on, then I will be forced to take some drastic measures.” I stare at him with in disbelief as I am buttoning up my shirt.
“Excuse me, but what makes you think I owe any explanation to you of my doings?”
“Because you’re mine now.” He says simply, sits down and lights a cigarette. I continue to stare at him with my mouth open. Then I laugh.
“You’re even crazier than what I thought you were. I don’t belong to anyone, least of all to you. You can not control me. I. Am. Independent. Got it? I’m not a slave, and you. Are. Not. My. Master.” I try saying this as slowly as I can just so his blond brain can understand it.

He stands up again, still stark naked. I decide that I have had enough of this and walk out of the room. I hear him following.
“Joni.” He calls. I check my wallet, see that I have everything, you never know… I smile as I find he hasn’t stolen anything; good for him. Well stolen anything but my cherry! I still hate him for that. “Joni!” He says more forcefully stopping me by grasping my arm. “I’ll see you tonight.” He smiles.
I pull my arm free and laugh.
“Wouldn’t hold my breath.” I tell him. “Get this through your thick head; you are lucky that I won’t be going to the police about this, we will not be seeing each other, I am a free man to do whatever the hell I like, alright?” I take my coat and dress it on.
I open the front door.
“I’ll see you tonight Joni.” I hear him saying before the door closes behind me.

What does he think, that he can scare me? He and his friends? Oh I don’t think so! I’m so incredibly pissed off as I walk home, partly because I was taken like that, partly because of Jesse, as I think of him with those guys and that great big orgy, or whatever it was that he talked about… And partly because of Cecilia; I always knew that women were evil… and also because… Because if I’m true to myself, I rather enjoyed what happened this morning… But I’ll be damned if I let that guy control my life, so I should keep my pants on for him, huh? No way. Besides… I just have to keep my door closed, how would he get in? And he and his ‘friends’, what could they do? I am not scared!

I get home and the first thing I do, is to call one of my fuck buddies; Mika, I haven’t called him in ages, not since I met Jesse, but I know he’ll come running if I ask. That will show this Vodka or whatever his name is, I am not his and never will be!

Chapter 16.

Flashbacks are evil, I think while I shower, suddenly remembering some events of the last night. They come to me in flash pictures; how I met him, how I thought he was hot, how he offered me drinks… I curse my friends, the no good bastards who let me go with him. I did go with him by my own choice, but I was bloody drunk. I do remember something about the drinking game, or whatever it was. I remember sitting with him in the kitchen, him filling my glass after it was empty, looking at me and smirking.
“Sure you want more?”
“Yes.” We were kissing, I remember the kissing… He held me up, undressed me, undressed himself.
“I want to fuck you hard, have you ever been fucked before, Joni?” He had breathed close to my ear. Then, then we had showered?

I touch my sore bum carefully, feeling the bruise on it; what kind of crazy bastard bites on others’ ass cheek? Honestly… I feel sore inside as well.

I step out of the shower, dry myself up with a fluffy towel. I walk into the bedroom, search for some clothes, towel wrapped around my waist.

There’s still some of Jesse’s clothes, it’s somehow painful to see them; reminding me of what was and will not be any longer. I know it’s over. With a heavy sigh I put new clean clothes on; black tank top, boxers and pair of jeans. Then I decide to just take all of Jesse’s remaining clothes from the closet and pack them up for him when he comes to collect them. It will make it easier for me as well, just get them out of my sight, from reminding me. While I’m at it, I decide to pack the other stuff too; his hair gel, his books, DVDs, everything that belongs to him. I then take the pictures of us, pack them up into an old shoe box and hide it in some dark corner of the closet.

I do my hair after that, I must admit that I am obsessed with my hair, I can’t even go out without fixing it. Thank God that baldness is not something that runs in my family, I wouldn’t stand losing my hair. I wait for Mika, he said he would try to hurry; he’s just too easy. He was visiting his grandparents that live like 200 km away, and now he’s hurrying to see me; just too easy.

I sit down on the couch, still feeling exhausted. It’s almost 4 in the afternoon and I can’t help but wonder if this Vodka guy really meant what he said; that he would see me tonight. Would he come here? And what did this ‘I have friends’ thing mean? Again I decide that I’m not scared, so he wants to control me? No one can. I’m free, I will not let people push me around. He has friends? Well, I have friends too, dammit.

I got a call from my dad, he sounded worried, he’s always worried. “Did you go out yesterday?” He asked, I said yes. He asked if I was alone, if I was home. Told him yes. I guess he was little sad to hear that Jesse and I weren’t together anymore. I know that he had hoped that he could calm me down. He feels that I’m too restless at times, jumping from guy to guy. He fears for my safety and health. I’m like my mother, he says. She died when I was 5 years old, I only remember her a little. I have her eyes, her hair; almost as black as midnight, her cheekbones, her lips, her spirits.

He spoiled me; after she was gone, I was the only thing that he had left of her. He remarried when I was ten, had more children. I have two half brothers and a sister; they don’t look anything like me. My step mom, she’s never really liked me, because I remind her of my mother; the first woman in dad’s heart and she knows that she can never get that close to him. She hates the fact that dad still keeps mother’s pictures in their home. It was her home before my stepmother came, it’ only right that her pictures stay. I’m my Dad’s favorite, though he tries not to let it show, but it does show. No matter what stupid, fucked up things that I’ve done, he’s always been there to back me up. In that sense I am lucky, I just wish I could be a better son to him.

“See you tomorrow son, we’ll be there to pick you up at 11am, be ready.” He said before finishing the call. I wouldn’t have agreed to go with them, had I not known how important it was for him to have me with, that I would spend time with him by going fishing with him, just the two of us, like we did when I was just a boy.


Gods this guy is pathetic. I think as I open the door for Mika. He beams at me, trying to control himself but failing, I fear that he’ll soon blow up from his excitement.
“It’s been forever since I’ve last seen you.” He says as he takes his coat off.
“Yeah…” I answer lazily and walk towards the kitchen to get myself some coffee. He follows.
“So where’s Jesse?”
“Gone.” I take the milk from the fridge and pour some into my cup.
“I heard rumours that he would have left you but I-“
“He did not leave me.” I say glaring at him. Okay so Jesse did, but not everyone has to be talking about it. I have my pride, darn it, and no one has ever dumped me before.
“Oh.” He says stupidly and watches as I sit down and drink from my cup. God dammit it hurts to sit; damn Vodka… “Would you like some coffee?” I realise to ask then. He nods his head. “Well then, just take some.” I point carelessly towards the coffee pot.

He stares at me, God I hate people who stare. I know that I’m freaking handsome, but please do try to control yourself. I glance at him lazily as I’ve finished my cup and stand up. He places his cup down on the table, turns, waiting, obviously waiting, I can see the lust in his eyes, the hope that I would soon say something, do something.

Without a word I walk into the living room and turn the TV on. Soon after he follows. He stands in the doorway and looks at me insecurely. The guy is short; like little over 160cm, he has dull brown hair with some blond stripes, he’s spiked them up, he’s quite thin, too thin for my liking. He should have more meat on his bones. He’s cute in his own way though, so small that it’s somehow cute, but I’m not turned on…

He walks closer without a word, kneels onto the floor in front of me, his trembling hands touch my thigh, his grey blue eyes look up at me. I look back at him, silent, not making any effort to encourage him to move on, or to stop. Finally he starts rubbing my thigh, moving up and up. The funny thing is that I don’t really feel like having sex, something is wrong with me, seriously wrong…

I lay my head back, decide just to relax and let him do the work. He rubs my organ through my jeans, getting more bold with his movements. He opens my pants, moves his hand inside and starts rubbing more, I close my eyes, moaning quietly. He tucks my jeans down, finally taking my cock between his lips, he starts sucking. I keep my eyes still close, imagining myself in someplace different .With someone different. The guy that I’m with in my dream has blond hair and a well built body; he’s going down on me, sucking, his naked body right in front of me, he looks up; grey eyes meet mine. I quickly shake myself into the reality, I did not just think about him, did I?!

I look at Mika, who’s pulled out his own cock and is pleasuring himself while sucking me. He stops suddenly, squeezing me with his hand, looks at me.
“If you want me to fuck you, then go and prepare yourself,” I tell him. He stands up quickly walks towards the bedroom. God he is pathetic, he’d do whatever the hell I would ask him. I take off my shirt and throw it onto the floor, almost hearing Jesse’s complaint in the back of my mind.

Once I’ve gotten in, I find Mika already on the bed completely naked, stoking himself, looking at me. It’s a strange sight, somehow, it should be Jesse on that bed smiling at me, reaching out to me. If I ever cheated on him, I never once did it in our home. With mixed and odd feelings I undress myself just the same and lie down there with him, he tries to kiss me, but I turn my head so that his lips only meet my cheek. I lie on my back, he moves on top of me, rubbing our cocks together. It is only sex, no feelings, not on my part. It feels hollow, meaningless, but it’s sex… Sex doesn’t have to have feelings, it can just be what it is.

Suddenly I hear someone opening the front door, we both stop what we’re doing and listen carefully like two frightened animals. Is it Jesse? My dad? Someone steps in and the door closes, Mika jumps up from the bed and quickly pulls his boxers up, I do the same, we exchange looks.
“Are you sure you and Jesse are broken up?” He asks and I’m about to answer when the bedroom door suddenly opens.

“I leave you for few hours and already you’re breaking the rules.” I stare at the tall, gorgeous blond with my mouth open.
“How the hell did you get in?” I ask horrified. He lifts the key up and smiles.
“I made a copy while you were passed out.” Then he turns his eyes to Mika, whose face has gone white. “You, dress up and get the fuck out out of here or you’ll be very sorry!” He roars, Mika is trembling, he collects his clothes quickly.
“Hey, you can’t tell my guest to leave, you have no right! Mika, you’ll stay here.” I yell angrily, grasping Mika’s arm. It’s not like I really care, but this is war and I’ll be dammed if I let him win.

“Mika, was it?” Vodka smiles sweetly at him; fake sweetness. Mika looks at him, looking like he’ll soon wet himself, he manages to nod his head.
“Well Mika, I advise you to leave now if you value your life, this is between me and Joni.” He says then as his gaze focus back on me.

Mika pulls away from me.
“I’m sorry, “ he mutters as he hurries out of the room. I look after him; bloody coward. Then I look back at the annoying blond, I quickly back up to take my phone from the night stand.
“Stay back, I mean it!” I threaten him. “I’ll call the cops, I have 1, 1 and all I need is 2 and they be here so fast that you won’t know what hit you.” He smiles at me and walks closer.
“Put the phone down babe.” He says, I back up slightly.
“Babe? I am not your babe! You do realize that this is breaking and entry? You seem to be breaking the law a lot, don’t you?” He only smiles.
“You wanted me to come.”
“I did not!”

Suddenly he’s gotten close enough and grasps my hand that holds the phone, squeezing my wrist tightly, he gets me to drop it.
“Now, you bad boy, we need to punish you, don’t we?” He pulls me full against himself, kisses my lips forcefully, his hands traveling down on my ass and squeezing. I struggle against him, determined no to let him win.
“I’m not a boy to you.” I hiss between the kisses.
“But you are mine Joni, stop fighting.”

We end up wrestling on the floor, trying to overpower each other.
“All fresh for me babe,” He moans smelling my neck licking it and then sucking. He’s on top of me, holding me while opening his pants and taking the belt out.
“Get off me!”
“Ah but you know you want this,” I kick his leg and try to crawl my way free from under him, he pulls me back. I can see that he’s opened his pants already, his cock out; hard, throbbing, huge. I feel myself starting to harden at the sight, I feel myself getting turned on as I fight back. And still I am determined to keep fighting, though part of me wants it badly, wants him to take me harshly and tread me like a whore. I’m sick, just sick.

”You fucking pervert.” I hiss at him as he grasps my hair tightly and forces his lips on mine and his tongue inside my mouth. He rubs himself on me and I can’t help but to moan in his mouth. Oh God this is hot. So different… He forces me to turn on my stomach, ties my hands together behind my back with his belt, and I curse at him, trying to fight. He rises, pulls me up on my knees by pulling my hair. I’m faced with his cock, he holds my head, pushes it against my closed lips.
“Suck it, take it in your mouth!” He orders, I look up to him giving him my nasty glare.
“I hate you.” I spit, he smiles,
“Take it, spit on it, come on…” My fight weakens and so I spit on his cock like he asks, “Good, now open your mouth, open it wide.” As soon as I do it, the cock is trusted in. “Deeper, all the way, I know you can.” I cough and fight back the gag reflex as he moves his cock deeper. But I can’t help but to gag, tears fill my eyes as I try to suck him, he holds my head between is hands, guiding my movements to be faster. He groans, I look up and see him looking back at me, our eyes meet, his mouth is open, pupils dilated, sounds he makes are sexy as hell. Drool is dripping down on my chin, his cock grows even harder and bigger in my mouth and it’s starting to hurt my jaw.

Finally he pulls out.
“On the bed, come on, move…” He pulls me again from my hair closer to the bed, forces my upper body against it, tugs my boxers down forcefully, he prepares me quickly and thrusts in. It hurts like bitch and I find myself screaming, he strokes my lower back, trying to calm me down, waiting before moving. He kisses my neck tenderly. I can feel his heart beat as he lies against me. The tenderness disappears as he starts fucking me; fast and hard, like an animal. Again I am completely under his mercy. His anger is there when he keeps thrusting in and out, using my body.
“You’re my bitch, aren’t you?” He moans.
“No I- uh, not…”
“Oh but you are.” He pulls out completely and then back in, I scream again, but I do not ask him to stop.

Again he pulls out, this time he pulls me up from the bed, on my knees in front of him, he pulls of the condom and shoots on my face, touching me, taking some sperm on his fingers he forces them in my mouth.
“Lick.” He tells me and I obey, “Does it taste good?” He asks with a smirk. I refuse to answer, still feeling his cum on my face and not able to wipe it away. “You look good like that, perfect in fact.”

“You’re crazy, a pervert…” I hiss at him.
“But you like it babe, my bitch… No more cheating Joni, I will be teaching you to behave.”
“Arsehole,” I spit and he laughs.
“I see that we have a lot of work on here.” He says pulls me up and drags me towards the bathroom. God I hate him!


“I’m staying for the night,” he tells me, sitting in front of the kitchen table.
“No, you are not.” I say as I take a beer bottle from the fridge.
“Give me one.” I roll me eyes at him.
“Why should I give anything to you? You’ve taken enough and I want you gone.” I try walking past him, but he grasp my arm pulls me close.
“Give me.” He orders.
“Ask nicely,”
“Fine, please give me the beer, babe.”
“I’m not your babe.” I say simply, pull my arm free and walk over to the fridge to get him one. Part of me wonders why am I doing this, why won’t I try harder to get him out, I mean this guy treats me like some bloody woman; the arrogant bastard, arrogant but handsome bastard. He stands up and slaps my butt.
“Hey!” He grasps me close so harshly that I drop the bottle onto the floor,
“I’m horny…” He breaths to my ear, licking it and then he forces me against table.
“We just…” I whine as my clothes are ripped from me, he silences me with a kiss.
“Your ass is just too lovely.” He breathes to my ear as he takes out his own cock.

How can anyone be this horny? I wonder as I’m being fucked for the third time on the same day, right on my own kitchen table. I think I’ve met my match, whether I like it or not.

Chapters 17-18


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