He had lost the track of time; it was difficult to tell how long they had already been on the road. His shocked mind kept repeating Yeagors death in front of his eyes repeatedly, the sound of the gun shot still ringing in his ears.
Joni felt a powerful stap of desperation in his chest. The chance of getting through this without any injuries were getting fainter with each passing second.
It was dark, he wasn’t sure how far or where they were. The slim chance that the cops would stop them or even some outsider… And even if someone did, that unlikely rescuer would need to have gun, Aki clearly wouldn’t hesitate to kill. The nausea spread, tears rose in his eyes, the realisation that he really wouldn’t be able to escape hit hard.
Finally, after they had driven, for what seemed like several minutes, on a dark forest road, the car stopped in front of a small, cabin like house. They got out, Chris dragged him forcefully with him towards the house and Joni felt the panic building up. It was difficult to breath, fear seemed to choke him. It was dark, cold, the house was far away from everything.
He struggled in vain, just wanting to get away from what ever waited inside. He’d rather freeze to death in the forest, then die here, in that house! Chris cursed and took a stronger hold of him, pushing him violently inside and Aki calmly followed them, turning the lights on. Joni looked around frantically; they entered a living room/ kitchen, there was long dining table that split the space. A sofa bed already made ready for sleeping, a bookshelf, a radio.
Chris pushed him forward, opened a door to another room and violently showed him forward. Joni lost his balance and tripped onto the floor to his knees, only now really paying attention to the ache that throbbed on the left, caused by the tumble on the stairs earlier.
“I’ll be right back.” Chris said shutting the door. Joni was left alone in the darkness and terror spread through his body. He uselessly tried to yank his hands free, then finally accepting the uselessness of the attempt, he drew a shaky breath and struggled to get on his feet. He hadn’t really seen the interior of the room other than it was meek and that there was some space around him. The only source of light to the room came from behind the closed door.
”What now?” He heard Aki’s voice; it had an annoyed ring to it. “Why did you leave him alone in there? It’s time for some fun, time to celebrate our success!”
Joni felt tightening in his throat. He wanted away, desperately praying for a chance to escape. God only knew what Aki could do him.
“Success?” Chris repeated with tense voice. “You wasted time! You killed a man! That most definitely wasn’t part of the plan!”
”Oh, come on, that man was ancient! He probably would have died soon enough anyway, I merely gave him a more exciting way to go. Besides, what else could I have done? Leave him alive with his riffle? So that he could have shot you?” Aki snorted. Joni heard the steps echo on the floor, a clink of a glass. The sound of drink being poured into two glasses.
He felt nervous, hope and despair battled in his mind. Chis was mad at Aki and that was good? On the other hand, that anger might soon be directed at him, Joni knew Chris’ mind set too well by now.
”If you hadn’t wanted to play around and look for Joni’s wallet, we would have been able to leave sooner! There was no discussion of that before, what the hell was that even for?!”
“I want money.” Aki answered calmly. “I admit that it was a sudden whim. I wanted to make sure that I’d get at least something. Just calm down, take a drink, and get him here, I’m sure that a good fuck is all you need.”
“I’ll have a moment alone with him. Give me the keys to the handcuffs.” Chris responded tightly. Aki was silent.
Joni moved restlessly in the room, trying to feel if there was any obstacles with his foot. He heard as the glass was settled on the table in the next room. The relief that Chris wouldn’t let Aki in, was only temporary, for it could be just this moment.
”Have fun Chris…” Aki said with sullen voice and soon the steps neared the door. Joni swallowed. The door opened and lights were turned on. The sudden bright made him squint his eyes.
Chris stood in the doorway gazing at him. Finally, he stepped further in and closed the door behind him. Joni took a quick glance around, nervous; The bed was on his left. A writing desk behind him. An armchair and a foot lamp on the right. Chris got closer, Joni felt his heart racing, but he stayed still. What could he do, anyway?
” Turn around so I can open the cuffs.” Chris said and his voice was still tight. Joni didn’t say anything, did as Chris asked. His thoughts raced. He tried to control the impulse that wanted to scream and fight, to spit in Chris’ face and call him a stupid moron, that had needed a maniac like Aki with, just to have his revenge on him! It would be a mistake though, one that would only harm himself.
Right now, Chris was mad at Aki, at least to some extend and maybe… Maybe if he played his cards right, he could at least be spared from Aki.
Chris stood behind him. The man’s breath was harsh, and Joni could smell the whiskey that he had drank just moments before. He shivered and closed his eyes. The lock clicked open, and when Chris removed the handcuffs, it felt as if a bigger weight had been lifted. Carefully Joni brought his hands before him, looking quietly at the irritated skin of his wrist, gently stroking the skin with his fingers.
“You do understand that you better not try anything stupid?” Chris said and lowered his hands on his shoulders, pressing up against him. His lips touched his neck softly, hot breath on his skin.
Joni did understand. He was alone with two armed men, who were both unpredictable. Choosing from two evil though, Chris seemed like the smaller threat. Chris hadn’t always been bad. Chris might go easy on him, Aki on the other hand had no emotional bond to him. Most likely the other man wouldn’t care less about his life or well-being. He needed to keep calm and rational.
Chris turned him around to face him and took a hold of his chin. Joni jerked slightly. The kiss was sudden, Chris moved his hands on his buttocks and squeezed so hard it made him whimper. And it was an instinct that took over and he struggled to free himself which only angered the man. Chris slapped him hard across the face.
” This is your own god damn fault!” Chris grumbled. He pulled Joni close once more, starting to tear off his jacket. And Joni couldn’t control his instincts to simply allow it and so he fought back. Chris hit him again, making him trip down onto the floor. The pain on his knee grew.
He stayed there, hands against the cold floor, swallowing back tears.
Chris sighed heavily and dug something out from his pocket. The steps echoed little further, sound of a lighter followed by the smell of a tobacco. Joni glanced at his side and saw Chris sitting on the armchair looking back at him while smoking. It seemed like a too familiar situation, but still it wasn’t. This would be worse.
Chris felt the dryness in his throat. He felt angry and confused. He needed to take a moment to think. He observed Joni, who finally sat up and looked around. He was probably looking for ways out, but there really wasn’t any. Chris brought the tobacco to his lips and inhaled, finding momentary release for his nerves. His head was aching. The cops were looking for them. Aki had murdered a man; it could not be taken back. That man hadn’t done anything to him, he shouldn’t have been involved, and it bothered him more than he could have imagined.
Joni was there, here in this room with him, and this was what he had wanted! He had fantasised about this moment with him and still the whole scenario was completely wrong. This wasn’t the place where he had really wanted to be with Joni! And Joni had just rejected him, time after time Joni rejected him.
Chris felt the irritation spread. Aki waited in the other room; Chris listened to his footsteps. Aki turned on some music and Chris followed closely every move that Joni made. The younger man’s breath was fluttered, Chris saw the silent tears falling from his eyes, but Joni had been the one to cause this!
”Stop snivelling!” Chris snorted. It made him even more nervous. Joni looked at him, the look was fearful and sad. Chris frowned. He would have liked a new drink and wondered for a moment if he should get one from the other room, but he didn’t want to face Aki just yet, so he decided to skip it.
Chris got up and Joni instinctively retreated, which further annoyed him. The anger began to spread out of control and although he was partially aware that Joni didn’t deserve all of it, he still couldn’t fully keep that clear idea. He couldn’t hold on the restrained compassion that swept through his stomach. It crushed under the rage, losing the fight repeatedly. Joni’s fault … Joni had broken him!
Chris grabbed Joni’s shirt from his chest and pulled him up violently. He pushed Joni against the table and tore the jacket from him. Joni exclaimed, kicked him, and tried to escape without success. Chris cursed.
”Are you happy now ?!” He roared. ”You ruined everything!” Chris breathed fiercely, feeling the bitterness inside him. ”You’ve destroyed my whole life!” He shouted and pushed Joni hard against the bed, in front of which he fell to his knees, hitting his side against its edge.
Joni was silent. He brought his hand to his side and closed his eyes. The pain was written on his features and for a moment Chris felt a wave of perverted satisfaction to see it. He continued to observe his ex-boyfriend silently; a man was dead, the cops were looking for them, nothing mattered anymore, right? Joni was there. No more having to settle for imagination…
Joni drew a couple of deep breaths, trying his best to calm down. He knew he needed to act rationally and as sensibly as possible in this situation. He remembered the knife that was still tugged on his waist and now the thought of it was heating up in his mind. Chris, however, watched him, had perhaps already noticed the same. Maybe just waited for his move.
Joni sighed, slowly straightening up to sit. The pain radiated from the knee up, and he had to try and ignore it. He could use the knife, but the decision had to be quick and sure. At that moment, however, he doubted himself too much and was afraid of a failure. He might be able to hurt Chris, maybe seriously, but Aki would still be left, and the man wouldn’t show him any mercy. The success rate was too low, it was better to stick to the original plan and appease Chris if he wanted to survive.
That would mean he’d have to sleep with Chris, have sex with him. It would happen, whether he wanted it or not. Joni swallowed, tears rising to his eyes once more.
”Give that knife to me.” Chris said behind him and Joni forced himself to face Chris, hoping to find at least a glimmer of the man he had met four years ago. The one who had sometimes pranked and laughed with him, the one who had once shown a tender side to him.
Chris picked up the gun and pointed it at him. ”Don’t act stupid.” The man said tensely, and Joni nodded as a sign of understanding. He quietly took the knife out of the sheath and handed it to Chris without saying a word.
Chris took the knife, keeping his gaze firmly on Joni. It almost felt surreal to be in the same room with him, after such a long time. What was done was done – he thought. Joni was at their mercy. The man had been killed and he would be considered complicit in that killing. They had kidnapped Joni. Nothing that he would do from now on could much aggravate the judgment he would already have on his shoulders.
Joni had driven them into this situation with his own actions! Joni had made him this man, one that was sometimes difficult to identify. And Chris felt lust building in his abdomen. All those lonely nights… Those nights in captivity… Joni had been his… Joni belonged to him.
”Everything could have gone differently, Joni. I could have been good to you if you had just kept your pants on. If you hadn’t let me down.”
The tone was familiar and often heard. Joni closed his eyes. He felt his emotions bubbling, he felt how he lost control. “I was loyal to you, Chris! Until you let your jealousy take over, you abused and raped me! ” It just erupted, fast and reckless. “You destroyed our relationship with your very own hands! And now this! Do you really hate me this much? You needed another lunatic with you to take revenge on something that- ” Joni cried. He knew he had made a mistake because he hadn’t considered his words and now Chris looked at him in a way that foretold anything but good.
Chris knelt beside him and grabbed Joni’s throat. ”Did I alone destroy us?” Chris hissed. ”You’re completely innocent, aren’t you?” Chris looked tightly into his eyes. “Other men just set their eyes on you, and you don’t do anything to encourage them? Admit Joni; you enjoy it… You enjoy those looks. Admiration, those dirty fantasies in the minds of other men… You play with emotions and you don’t care. You trapped me too. I was just a toy for you. At any point, were you even serious with me?”
Joni trembled, for a moment he was afraid Chris would strangle him. ”I was – of course I was!” Joni’s voice quivered. “I cared about you, Chris, it was genuine! I wouldn’t have moved in with you if-” Joni swallowed, afraid to say something wrong that would solve the situation fatally. “We did well, in the beginning, I was happy in the beginning…. Then… something went wrong, and I lost you…. Chris… I know you’re not bad… That man…When we first met… “Chris loosened his grip on his throat and suddenly caressed his trembling lips with his thumb with a pensive look on his features . “Bring that man back, Chris? Please. You are not like that, you are good. Everything is so… I know I have my own mistakes… and…”
”Did you care about me?” Chris asked and tilted his head. ”Did you love me, Joni?” The young man looked at him, it was difficult to identify him anymore, to find the person Chris had been before. Even his outside appearance had changed so radically.
“I loved the man you were when we met… Before…” He finally replied with caution.
“Do you know what went wrong? Do you know what it was that made me… wicked to you? ”
Joni looked at Chris nervously. He couldn’t answer, believing that the answer Chris was seeking, was his own paranoid imagination.
“You broke me Joni… I can’t get you out of my head…I can’t move forward. And you just used me… That Joni, infuriates me…”
“Chris…” Joni spoke with a cautious tone. “You haven’t done anything irreversible yet. Aki has.” He continued quietly. ”You didn’t kill that man.” Chris stared at him, but didn’t speak. A softer approach had to be tried. Joni was silent for a moment, considering his words. “S-show me the man I met at my uncle… The one who… The one I cared about and still care about. Who cared about me. You’re not bad, you’re not … I know that. ”
Joni’s heart raced. Chris didn’t say a word for a moment, and it made him even more nervous. “Show me the boy that I met in Oulu. The boy I fell in love with when he visited me in Canada. ” The man suddenly moved his hand to his face, brushed the skin gently, and tilted his head. “You were so horny then. Do you remember?
Joni felt trapped, the bedside pressed against his back. Chris’ breathing was heavy.
”I remember what we had at the beginning.” He answered cautiously. He also remembered too painfully what it had been like in between and at the end and now…. ”Chris, I don’t want to die.” He whispered with broken voice.
Chris looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before leaning closer, moving his lips against his with surprising softness. The kiss was experimental for a moment before it quickly grew more demanding, lustful, and wet. Joni knew it wasn’t worth fighting and at the same time his whole body was resisting the idea of where the situation was heading.
Chris kissed his neck. He breathed his skin and Joni tried to stay still.
“You’re like a drug to me, Joni…” Chris whispered against his skin. “God, I have longed for you…”
It was useless to fight. There was no escape, and help wouldn’t show up in time to stop this.
“I’ll remind you what it was like,” Chris whispered. ”Everything can still be arranged if you want, Joni.” A new kiss. Chris brought his hand to his waist and pulled him up to his feet. His hands moved to the hem of his shirt, lifting. Joni swallowed, closed his eyes, and helped Chris to undress the piece of clothing.
Misha would be mad with worry, just like his father. He had to survive.
Chris’s hands moved softly along his bare skin. ”You’re so fucking sexy….” Chris whispered and brought Joni’s hand to his groin. “Feel how hard I’m already…” Joni would have liked to take his hand away and push Chris further away. He fought his instincts, forcing him to keep his hand on it while detesting every moment.
Misha would want him to come home – Joni reminded himself. His family wanted him home. This and everything else… It could be addressed later. Misha would ask him to stay calm, he would realize that he no choice. Misha would assure everything would be fine.
Would it be okay? Would he get back home? – This couldn’t be the end, could it?
Chris knelt in front of Joni. He smiled as he looked at the younger man, maybe it could still be like before? Maybe all this bad could be erased somehow and they could return to the start? …. Chris touched the silver jewelry, on Joni’s belly button; remembering the day Joni had come to him and excitedly talked about the surprise… The memory got him in a better mood and the fact that Joni hadn’t rejected him this time. ”I could forgive you… When you’re a good boy like this…” Chris whispered, and Joni felt sick. Chris could forgive him ?!
He pressed his face against Joni’s groin, causing the younger man to startle. Chris grinned and pulled the brunets pants down, pressing a kiss to his limp cock through the fabric of his underwear. He squeezed his buttocks at the same time, massaging the round, firm flesh under his palms. Joni’s body had changed even more to his advantage. More sinewy and muscular, yet well-proportioned and light.
Joni boiled inside. Chris could forgive him!? An upset voice in his mind repeated. He hated every moment. The man was crazy! This was just too much to take!
“Don’t…” He gasped as Chris lowered his underwear and began caressing his organ with his lips. Joni brought his hand to Chris’s forehead and pushed away. Chris grabbed his hips tightly and looked at him dazedly.
“Stay still! We already did so well!” Chris snapped. ”Let’s take these off.” He continued with a tight tone while pulling Joni’s pants down further to his ankles. Joni looked away and swallowed. He let it happen. The last garments were stripped and he felt uneasy. Chris’ patience had been washed away and the man behaved as if Joni’s reluctance to have oral sex had offended his pride even more. Joni just wanted it to be over.
Chris stood face to face with him and opened his own pants . He looked at Joni tightly, his mood had darkened again. The bitterness erupted. “Do you know how many times I dreamt of this moment while I was in prison? Or when I got home if that hatch can be called home?” Chris spoke as he buttoned his shirt open. “Do you know how alone I was? And in the meantime, you just strode forward with that man, in his bed… The thought that led me forward was this moment when I could get you into the same room with me, uninterrupted.”
Chris threw his shirt aside, spat on his hand and brought it behind Joni, moving his finger between his buttocks, pressing against his opening and Joni couldn’t help but to jerk back slightly, but he couldn’t get away. “And I thought of you as I fucked someone else, I thought what I would do to you…” Chris leaned over to kiss him as he pushed his fingers inside him. It felt uncomfortable, Joni brought his hand alongside Chris. Heart raced, fear grew, Chris wanted him to suffer… Maybe compassion would no longer be enough? Maybe it would already be impossible to achieve?
I could have been good to you… Does this hurt?” Chris asked as he rammed a second finger inside him. Joni winced and closed his eyes. “How does it feel when that Russian fucks you? Have you betrayed him too? Maybe one will never be enough for you… maybe you really are just a slut… ”Chris sighed excitedly. He continued, moving his fingers inside Joni and Joni couldn’t escape the grip.
Stop Chris!” Joni sighed and tried to squirm in the man’s grip in vain. Chris pulled his fingers out.
“I think that Russkie just dances to your whistle,” Chris growled. “You asked if I hate you? Sometimes I curse the day I met you… You have taken everything from me. You Joni, have created this monster in me… That’s what you expect from me isn’t it?” Chris dragged him to the table and forced him to bend down on his stomach over it. ”All right, I’ll show you that monster.” Chris hurriedly spread the lubricant in his opening before positioning himself up against him and penetrating. Joni cried out.
Chris vented his frustration to that moment, all the stress and anger he had felt. He pressed Joni’s upper back against the table, feeling strong, feeling like the winner. That Russian had lost and now he took his own back. After this, Joni would have no doubt to who he belonged to. His mind blurred under lust. At the same time, that absurd fantasy was still inside him that everything could somehow be restored after this. They could return to the same happiness they once had, at the beginning of their relationship. Joni only had to be made to understand and repent first.
”You belong to me… Do you feel it?” Chris gasped against Joni’s ear. He felt a tingling sensation in his abdomen. ”I’m about to cum…”
Joni gritted his teeth, kept his eyes tightly closed, and tried to focus on the thought of surviving. This would be over soon… He kept repeating to himself and finally… Chris clung tightly to his hips, growling and Joni felt the throbbing inside as the man’s movements stopped. It was over…. At least for now.
A kiss on his neck, a flick of his hand in his hair, a false affection after the violence.
Chris slowly pulled away from him and Joni trembled. Had to stay calm. Chris had often been more conciliatory after sex, after raping him, if he just forced himself to be humble in return… Now was not the right time to fight, had to be able to choose the right opportunity. He would get home, he had to keep believing that he would.
The intoxication was over. Chris heard the faint sobbing, he could see Joni trembling. Traces on the hips, traces on the neck. He had done it. That angry and frustrated man had moved aside after receiving his satisfaction and guilt began to bite. He hadn’t meant to be so fierce but something had clicked when Joni had rejected the previously offered attempt to produce pleasure.
However, Chris didn’t want to face his own guilt, he wanted to leave it on Joni’s shoulders. “Stop crying like a woman…” Chris sighed coldly. ”This is your own fault.” He added and got dressed while Joni straightened up slowly. Joni said nothing, didn’t look at him.
”I need a drink.” Chris snorted and left the room, locking the door behind him.
Joni covered his face with his hands as despair swept over him once more. He needed a better plan. He looked around the room, not seeing many objects to defend himself with… maybe the floor lamp? He heard the voices of Aki and Chris from the next room, voices mixing with the music. A gruesome suspicion that the evening was by no means be over. Chris and Aki drank together, they drank and Chris…. Chris’ s worse side would grow stronger….
Joni felt Chris’ sperm ran down on his thigh. He felt like vomiting, but didn’t. With trembling hands, Joni pulled his shirt back on and walked to the bed. He grabbed the corner of the sheet to clean himself with, when there was nothing else to do it with. He continued to get dressed and took another look around the room. Finally he walked towards the armchair on which he curled up to sit, hugging his knees against his chest.
His left knee still throbbed, but it wasn’t as bad as what had just happened. The fear that Aki would take his turn and Chris… Chris would let him, Chris would not care and in the worst case scenario he would participate.
What if Chris was right? If he had caused this, if Chris could have been normal and… Reason said it was not true, yet he doubted. “You enjoy it…. The attention… dirty fantasies… ” Chris’s voice whispered in his mind.
He had been 16-years-old. The photographer he had worked with then, had developed a crush on him. He had seen it clearly. The man had been thirty, Joni remembered enjoying the attention given. The man had brought him special coffees after Joni had once complained of exhaustion after school day and the man’s coffee deliveries had then developed a habit.
And at first that allusion had been subtle, they had talked about something and the man had asked him to visit, to borrow movies or something like that. Sometimes in passing asked him to go boating with him and Joni had shrugged with a careless smile and answered maybe some time? But he had never gone boating or anything, he had enjoyed the fact that so much of the older man had flirted with him and sent hopeful text messages. But he wasn’t really interested. The man had a moustache and Joni had considered them silly.
He had been playing. Always imagined that he was holding the strings in his hands. He had been given a choice. Messages from boys or men who expressed their admiration, Joni had often found them both boring and bothersome. The main reason he had fallen in love with Misha in the beginning was because the man hadn’t paid the usual attention to him and Chris… Chris’s attention had come at the exactly right moment to cure his battered self-esteem and that attention… he had thirsted for it.
He had always imagined controlling where situations would go, with Misha, with others… Chris. The warnings had gone deaf to his ears, nothing like this could happen to him. And now… Now he could really die.
Time passed, nothing happened. Exhaustion took over his body, for a moment Joni managed to doze off. However, the approaching steps soon woke him up. Fear overwhelmed his mind, what if he already lost the opportunity to appease Chris? What if it would be Aki?
A/N: Any feedback would be 🤩 You can use the thumbs as well.